Hi I have just joined the forum today. I wanted to ask if anyone else has had these feelings/emotions. After 23 years in the closet and on 2 occasions seriously considering ending my life (because of the fear of friends reactions etc to me being gay) at the age of 37, I decided enough was enough and I came out. Initially I came out to my best friend who said he knew anyway, but his support and acceptance gave me the courage to come out to all the people that I cared about. So now just a few weeks on from telling my friend, I am out to most of my friends and my immediate family. The rest of the family will have to wait until I next see them but I'm not worried about telling them and anyone else that asks will be told. I'm not really bothered who knows now anyway! I have to say its been the most liberating experience in my life. Finally, after all these years i feel I can be who I really am, without having to hide my sexuality. I have been with a guy before. it was someone I used to go to school with and we had mucked about a bit when we were younger. Funnily enough he is the one person I have yet to tell about coming out! And now (finally) I come to the reason I am writing. Since I came out I've had this almost urgent feeling (like a knot constantly in my stomach) that I need to meet someone and find a partner immediately. I'm not sleeping properly because of these feelings, like if I don't find someone now, I'm going to end up alone. The rational side of me keeps saying to myself that these things never happen overnight and in time I WILL meet someone, but its kind of starting to overtake everyday life. I'm really pleased I made the decision to come out. I'm me now after all these years, but I was wondering if the feelings I have right now have ever been felt by anyone else? Or do I just need to get a grip, take 5 for a breather and let things happen as they happen. Any thoughts or advice that you have would be greatly appreciated
Hello Jametim and Welcome to EC-- I just came out a month ago, and I'm 42, so I completely understand what it is to cover up, even from yourself, who you really are. Congratulations for coming out! That's huge. As for your question, I think you'll find that it's not uncommon at all. For me, I feel like I've wasted all these years not being who I was and not seeking what I want. I've been married twice, and still am married, and it's not like I'm ready to rush right out into another long term relationship, but I do feel a desire to test the waters a little bit. I'll add, though, that I am of two minds about it. Part of my brain is saying to wait--that I've just discovered this about myself and I need time to settle into it and finish this process of self-discovery I've started. But there is another part of my brain that is so absolutely positive about who I am that I can't see any real reason to wait other than I'm simply used to holding myself back from what I really want. It's a little confusing right now. But...I have my first date this coming Saturday, and I guess that will give me a much better feeling for how ready or not I am. While I have no idea how this date will go--it's a date from an internet dating site--it's huge for me if only because it's the beginning of me being true to myself, admitting what I want and then going out and seeking it. So, short answer--yes, I think your feelings are normal. I think it comes simply from denying who you are for so long. It's like opening flood gates. --Zoe
Hi Zoe I'm not going crazy then! You're right I think it is because I wasted so many years of my life. I had accepted to myself that I was gay right from the age of 14, but saying it out loud was a very different story, so I completely understand how you are feeling. And yes I think it is more like testing the waters in some respects, but the desire to 'settle down' I think has taken me by surprise! Anyway thanks for your kind words.....and good luck for Saturday. Tim
Hello and congratulations, Jametim76! Your words resonate with me, as I've felt so much the same as you. It's great to be out, but it's frustrating too. That ever-present question of "When will I meet somebody?" rolls through my head often. I know the onus is on me to create the conditions to make that happen and not hold myself back. It's a challenge to keep being patient and persistent, but I look forward to the day when he and I finally meet. (Hello? Where are you?) So, no, you're not alone in what you're feeling. I fully empathize.
Welcome! I get that feeling -- finally exploding out the closet and NOW WANTING IT ALL -yes I am shouting ;-). The worries -- some times its about being lonely tonight. Other times, that I missed all these years, I better hurry up, date, and find Mr. Right. Of course, I know, that being in my gay adolescence, I'm hardly ready for Mr. Right. But I sure as heck would like to bump into him!
When I came out I was an older adult in college; working part time and taking classes part time. The GSA at school was a great way to meet GLBT people. They were a little younger than me but they knew the gay scene around here. Then I found out about the Friends of the Italian Opera. It's a group of older gay gentlemen that does various fun things together. Every Tuesday they meet at an Italian restaurant for a meal and conversation. You might also look at this e-magazine http://www.outinamerica.org
This post is very encouraging to me. I only out to a few people, but I experience what you are feeling. I so badly want to be able to find my other half, but I know I will find her when the time is right.
I think for many of us, we get used (consciously or not) to the idea of being single because we're in the closet, we don't necessarily like it, going to "couples-oriented" social events such as weddings can be unpleasant, but we accept it because coming out is not an option at that point. Then one day that condition is no longer there...
Thanks everyone for our comments. At least I now know its not only me having these feelings! However....I met someone last week. All very new at the moment but its a start! Why didn't I come out 10 years ago....so many wasted years! Thanks again all
