So I have never started a thread on this site or any other, but here I am and here it goes. I worry sometimes that I am not gay enough, I don't mean campy, just that I don't really fit in. So this has kind of thrown my sexual identity (I self identify as a Gay Man) into crisis, leaving me to wonder if I should try to have sex with women, not to try switching to heterosexuality but to prove to myself that I am indeed a homosexual (and secondarily just for the experience lol). Gay men generally don't like me and I have a poor ability to create some sort of dialog, so it leaves me in a peculiar situation of really dreading having to hang out with other gay men that are not my close friends. As a 30yo man it has caused a bit of a strain on my friendships, as I cannot maintain them very well because I refuse to go out. This also makes meeting guys difficult. I have gotten over the idea that I am asexual and I don't need to date or have sex (although it is surprisingly easy not to do either LOL). I am trying to reprogram my hetero normative ideals for dating but it is proving very difficult. So basically the question is how do I assimilate my traditional, prudish and hetero normative personality into the homosexual dating arena?
I know what you mean, definitely. I'm not really into the scene either, and it only becomes obvious that I'm gay when I've actually told you, apparently I'm 'not obvious' from the outside. I think you've intertwined the ideas of actual homosexuality (the act of being sexually attracted to one of the same sex) with the whole gay stereotype thing (and obviously there is more than just being camp to the stereotype). Not fitting into the community doesn't mean you aren't gay, it just means that you're gay and you are you. I do feel that there is a lot of pressure sometimes to conform, especially in terms of how hard it is to get a relationship without at least being 'out and proud' sometimes (especially in my experience). I think the best thing you can do it not conform. Just be as out as you can whilst remaining true to yourself in how you act (I tried to put on the whole 'gayer-than-thou' stereotypical act and it was just not me and luckily I hadn't done it too long before I went back to me again) and let your friends know you're interested. They may know someone who would be well suited. If not, there's Internet dating, and there are gay societies for things other than just being gay in the cities if you do want to try and get out there, although I appreciate that might be a last last last resort with you. Just be true to who you are, there are gay people like you out there who will like you for who you are. You just need to show the best version of yourself as you so that they can appreciate you, and the rest can bugger off. I'm really not sure if I've helped you, but just be yourself good luck ^^
I tried "gaying up" my appearance with rainbow this and that, an earring in the proper ear, glitter nail polish and a tie-dye shirt. It got me some attention but I felt foolish wearing that stuff. Now I might wear a colorful bracelet or do my nails. Just something I feel good about wearing.
