:help: I never thought that coming out would have so many mixed feelings for me. Ok, WELL I THOUGHT THAT THEY would have eased up a little. I've been out a while, dealing with a lot. I'm really tired. I feel so beat down and I don;t see the end. I keep going to sleep at night telling myself that tomorrow will be a new day and another chance. I came out to wife and a few close friends. Wife and I are separated and working on a friendship, which is weird, cause that's we had for over 20 years...my circle of friends has gotten smaller, I fear my job would be in jeopardy if I came out at work. It hit me pretty hard yesterday. My mom died a year ago January, and her birthday was yesterday. I just don't have a network to be able to share and talk, I can't even write it all out. Bottom line, I'm lonely. I feel like I made the worst mistake of my life, but I know who I am, I've always known. SO why is it that If I am being true and honest, that I'm so depressed? I am really tired of the roller coaster. I just need a break. As I have said before, it isn't sex, it's feeling another's touch that I feel so Isolated from.. Thanks EC Family....I will take all of the hugs I can get
gladly give you a hug (*hug*) a hug is the most powerful natural remedy to loneliness (and it's a real problem which often goes unattended), i believe. in my opinion, you were incredibly brave to be true to yourself and others you care about by coming out. there may not be immediate changes to your life, but you've paved the way for a brighter future by committing to an honest lifestyle. my guess is that depression will come naturally in a situation such as yours, i mean, you say you've dealt with a lot, and coming out is an experience of its own. it may also be the feeling of a somewhat anti-climax, not to try and downplay your coming out achievement, but perhaps you feel all this worry could have been avoided before hand? i don't know for certain, but depression enters the lives of most people, and you're not alone. for now, be kind to yourself. i sincerely hope you find what you are looking for, after all, you've taken a brave leap and shown you are worthy of the companionship you desire. remember, you can talk to me/any of us any time you feel like about anything
This is the part I hate about EC... I would love to give you a hug, share a meal, give you the sane, safe human contact we all desire, but the nature of EC makes that impossible. Even within the gay community there is great diversity. Some demographics are huge, others tiny. Brother, I know and understand your pain, your frustration and your desperation to connect. You are touching my heart and I understand. You are not alone.
Completely agree with skiff on that one. I can't give many advice since I'm currently struggling with many aspects of my life, but I can give you some electronic hugs (*hug*)(*hug*) and let you know that you are not alone!
Please hang in there. I've been where you are, although not for coming out. I know what a very difficult time this is for you. You say your circle of friends has grown smaller--do you have any that you can rely on for strong, consistent friendship? I know that are things I could recommend you do--go out and join a meet-up or something to make new friends, etc.--and why those are valuable, I know that it doesn't cure the loneliness of coming home to an empty house or not feeling another's touch. I started a thread on this very thing a little while back. And the advice I got on loneliness was invaluable. Many people spoke of the value of loneliness, of the chance to use this time for self-reflection, reading, writing, meditation and the like. Others said that we are taught by our society to fear loneliness; we are bombarded with the message that to be happy, we must be with someone. If we can learn to not fear and fight the loneliness, but rather sit with our emotions and accept that it's where we are right now, it's much healthier and it allows us to process the emotion and perhaps learn something about ourselves at the same time. I know others will write with more eloquently worded advice. But please know you are now alone out there in the world. (*hug*) --Zoe
I am sorry that you feel so lonely. I feel like that too and I have my kids and husband around. I think that is the worst kind of loneliness. Being lonely in a group of people. I read a study that watching a TV series is a good way to help loneliness and depression because we get to know the characters so well that it makes us feel happy to see them. I don't know if you have Netflix, but there are a lot of shows out there.
(*hug*) Big hug for you. I know the loneliness and isolation hurts -- and that roller coaster gets awfully bumpy sometimes too -- but wishing you a moment of peace...
