Well smack me, I had no idea!

The things I've learned since coming here.....

I had never heard of terms like "homoromantic bisexual" or whatever before I came here. After seeing so many people do so here, I did some research. Wow, does it explain a lot and now I'm just like "WTF DO I DO WITH THIS!!!?"

Here's my situation, and I just am at wits end now as to what to do because I was just done and ready to move on.

I'm married. To a guy. A guy who says he's pansexual and at this point, genderqueer. From my perspective I mostly see him as a gay guy who likes being in a relationship with a woman who is a lot like his father, but whatever.

I am a lesbian. Or at least I thought I was. I love women. I love curves. I love the softness of the female body. I love the female mind. I see a woman I find attractive and things just tweak. However, as much as I find women attractive, I am simply not capable of having sex with someone I am not emotionally close to.

Now men.... Some I find attractive but I have never had a guy just make me tweak just looking at them. But the thought of the right guy being with me, saying the right things, cuddling and such does do something for me. I have very little sexual attraction to my husband, unless he does and says things that make me feel good about me, and then suddenly I melt and I want him. Mind you, this doesn't happen very often because my husband always wants me to be the aggressor when it comes to sex and he doesn't believe in doing romantic things. This has been a huge problem for us.

But... Now that I know that you can be sexually attracted to one gender and romantically attracted to the other and varying degrees of both, it makes a lot of sense. In many ways I like being with my husband and knowing this gives me some hope that maybe we can fix things. I don't know. He still has a problem with drinking but has been better about it lately. He is also working again, which helps. Things have been better. But I just don't know... When you are so attracted to one gender and mildly attracted to the other.... How do you deal? Things could possibly work between hubs and I if he would do those things that make me tweak. Those same things aren't needed when it comes to women and I really miss being with another woman.

>sigh<

I just don't know what to do. It's all so confusing.