I have questions!!! (LGBT related)

1. Yes. I am in my late 20s and I have been out to myself for about 3 or 4 months.

2. There is always that chance. People have a difficult time understanding the LGB community and unfortunately, T has it even worse.

3. That is your choice. I find that every person I tell about myself makes me feel more free, but I am not dependent on anyone. You may have to figure out better timing for yourself. You're in a tough situation and coming out may make it worse.

4. Lots of issues. Marriage, rights, being treated right, people think LGBT is made of child molesters, lots and lots and lots of stuff.

5. Technically, yes. It would be difficult and you would have to really work to be strong. Your family might not react as strong as you're feeling they will, but again, it is a tricky situation. This is a question only you can really answer.

6. They might. They might not. No matter the answer, it will take time.

 

1. Is it normal to realize you're a member of the LGBT community in your 20's?

"Normal" is a tough word. It's perhaps less common than those who figure it out in their teens, but it's certainly not that unusual.

2. Will I be hated and isolated for coming out?

No real way of knowing. Most people will have questions. Most of those questions will be the same ones you had way back at the beginning. "How do you know?" "Can't you just be a gay man?" Answer them calmly and factually, and I think most people will eventually be OK. There might be a period of adjustment, and they might call you the wrong name or gender for some time - correct them, but try not to freak out about it.

3. SHOULD I even come out?

Depends. I'd say it makes sense to come out to the people who are already in your life, so they know what's going on, and what to call you now. If you've moved forward in the transition, and you meet somebody who only knows you as a woman, you don't necessarily need to tell them you're trans. You certainly can if you wish, or if it comes up, though.

4. What problems are there for LGBT people out there, such as in America, and the like.

Nearly all the problems boil down to one thing - ignorance. Most people who fight against homosexual and transgender rights do so without actually knowing anybody. Have you ever heard of anybody saying "I used to think gays were OK, but then I got to know them, and realized how bad/wrong/dangerous they are"? But you often hear, "I used to think gays were wrong, until I got to know them." Because they lost their ignorance. And I think that's something to keep in mind.

5. Can I survive without my parent's love?

Yes, if you have to. But perhaps you won't have to. I won't say the coming-out process won't be painful, or that they'll immediately embrace your actual gender. But you may just be surprised.

6. Will they ever accept that I'm a different person than I was a year ago?

I think they might, if you approach it the right way. You're not so much "a different person". You're simply getting the right body to match what you've always been inside.

Just one thing. How do Trans people have it worse?

I think because it's tougher to grasp. Straight people can at least sort of get their brains around "this person is sexually attracted to the same gender rather than the opposite one". But it's tougher to get a handle on "this person was born one gender, but with the equipment of the other". I've read up a lot on transgenderism, and I STILL can't quite grasp the concept. Mind you, I totally ACCEPT it. But I can't get my brain around what it might feel like. But I have no trouble saying "I can't imagine I understand this idea more than those who are actually going through it".

Lex

 

I think it can be easier for people to accept a woman loving a woman or a man loving a man. It is more difficult for people to understand feeling like they are the wrong gender. People tend to be afraid of things they can not understand. Fear is a dangerous thing. I think this is why T has more issues with acceptance even within the LGBTQ community. There has been a lot of discussions that people who are bi or asexual also have issues with acceptance within the community. It is a sad truth, but you'll have more issues being accepted as T.

You may consider starting by coming out as interested in men. I think gay is still a safe label for you because it will be easier for people to understand. Some are trying to take back the term queer...so that is cool too.

It is sad, but you may have to start slow with your family. Telling them you like men and let them adjust and slowly start being open about being a woman. I wish no one had to deny themselves and be so careful about it, but it sounds like your family is kind of like mine. I know that coming out as lesbian is going to be difficult, but if I felt like I was a man trapped in a woman's body, they probably would drag me into a pastor to have things cast out of me. That would be very difficult and traumatic.

Do you have a member of your family that is a little more accepting?

Tomorrow a big ruling about LGBTQ rights is supposed to be announced by the Supreme Court. I suggest doing a little recon and bring up the topic. Read about it so you're prepared and see where the conversation goes.

---------- Post added 25th Jun 2013 at 05:04 PM ----------

Please keep in mind that this is how I would handle coming out. I could be totally wrong.

You have to make the choices that you feel are right for you.

Some people like the rip the bandaid off type of coming out. You have to be comfortable with all of this.

 

1. Yes.
2. Possibly.
3. Yes.
4. There will always be ignorant people, you can't live your life conforming to them.
5. Yes.
6. Possibly, any decent parent would.

 

Keep in mind that your family is worried about your soul and your future. Consider finding a book about homosexuality and Christianity. I know there are theology books out there that make a good case for homosexuality not being a sin.

Yes, you need acceptance from your family, but if you keep in mind what they are going through during this process, you will have a much easier time understanding their responses.

 

I am sorry about your family, but I am so happy to hear about your boyfriend. Maybe what you need to do is work towards being independent. Then you can come out to your family and you'll have him by your side. It is much easier to stand when you are not alone.

About the books, I am sharing a website with you instead. This guy is AWESOME. He is straight, but a HUGE ally for LGBTQ. His name is John Shore.

 

1. Is it normal to realize you're a member of the LGBT community in your 20's?
Yes, absolutely, in fact, probably much more than you think I'd say as much as the people who realise in their teens.

2. Will I be hated and isolated for coming out?
Some ppl will some people don't. It's the last ones that matter Unfortunately there is much hate particularly towards the trans* community, but those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

3. SHOULD I even come out?
It's entirely up to you, many ppl like me, feel relieved when they come out and it's part of showing who you really are. Although other ppl don't mind not being out. You'll find it out soon enough.

4. What problems are there for LGBT people out there, such as in America, and the like.
I don't know much since I don't live in America, but mainly, hate.

5. Can I survive without my parent's love?
It depends. Do you love them? I guess if you love them, you'll have a hard time getting over the fact that they don't love you back. If you don't love them, it's easier.
But if you come out to them, chances are, no matter how conservative they are, they're gonna love you always.

6. Will they ever accept that I'm a different person than I was a year ago?
The true question would be, would they accept me for what I really am?
My answer is, yes, give them time though, it's not something that's easy for them, but I believe (and hope ) that they are gonna accept you sooner or later.

Hope you get things sorted out
Hugs!

 

At least you didn't pick Brooklyn. Everybody ALWAYS picks Brooklyn.

Lex