I've been hanging in this "I'm gay and that's ok" head space for a few months now, with the idea that I wasn't really ready to date... then I impulsively joined a dating site late last night. Which is a huge step for me. I think I had this backwards idea that I might never date, not that I was admitting that to myself but yeah... in the back of my mind I was seeing myself as this serene but eternally single aging lesbo. I'm not sure what changed or why I decided to do a profile out of the blue in the middle of the night, but there it is. I'm also not sure if it was the right thing to do? Maybe I should have waited till I was a little more sure of myself... I dunno. I also don't know why I'm rambling about it, but I needed to talk to someone about it and y'all are just the best people to turn to for comfort and insight and chit chat. <3 P.S. I've already gotten email from four different women! (!)
All I can say is be open, honest, and step out of your comfort zone. If you are shy make a point to contact somebody you are interested in. You never know when that person will contact you back. Answer and ask specific but non-threatening messages and have a great sense of humor especially to something they may have posted in their profile. Going on my third date with somebody I met online (we live 75 miles apart so it isn't always conducive to seeing each other all the time). After 5000+ texts and talks I think she just might like me.
Biotech, thanks for the advice and good luck with your lady! CodePink, sense we aren't full members I can't send PMs and you can't receive them. I'm not sure if the rule extends to wall messages. Anyone know? I don't want to make life harder on our mods so I try to toe the line. It's the one whose name references things in the sea, I wouldn't normally consider it reputable but it's the one that had the most local queer women. I suggest doing searchs to see which site is most popular with the gay ladies in your area. Sexyalex, thank you!
Hello Femmeme- I did exactly the same thing--I ended up impulsively going on a dating site and creating a profile. The whole time, a little voice in my head said, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" I ignored it and kept typing. Within a day or two, I had set up a date. Now, I will say that I didn't get a whole lot of emails or pings or whatever, but I've been seeing the woman I set up the date with. We've gone out a few times since our first date. It's the very first time I've dated a woman. I have no idea where it's going, and I don't really care. We have a good time together, and she's completely OK with the fact that I am a complete newbie and know nothing. All of this is to say, go for it. If you're really not ready, you'll know it. My guess is that it will start to seem really weird. But it seems that at least some part of you is ready, as was the case with me. You can always not reply to emails or go out once and not see the person again. You have lots of options. Good luck to you. Let us know how it goes. --Zoe
Yep, the rule applies to wall messages, since they're still technically "public". Though I can say we appreciate you being considerate of the rules. And congrats on the success so far!
Zoe, it is so good those experienced ladies accept us newbs and are willing to teach us and bring us into the lesbian community. We are going on three months of communication and about a month having met. I really didn't want to go home today but had company coming. I got the best compliment last night so I must be doing something right. I study. LOL :icon_redf
Biotech, Femmemme, and Zoe - reading your posts really makes me feel less alone and gives me courage. I put up a profile on a dating site (mainstream one, I don't know about ones specially for gay women) and got my first search results today. I found several women's profiles really attractive and interesting. I'm not sure about initiating contact. It's so scary just because I'm so nervous. How did you make the leap from putting up a profile to actually communicating?
Well, the first thing I did was vow to answer every (nonoffensive) email I received. Luckily I received a few right off the bat. I starred emailing with a simple compliment, something that might not lead to a conversation but that broke the ice and got me used to the idea of initiating contact. I don't ever comment on looks though, I'll compliment a tshirt or tattoo or cute dog. We gay ladies seem to REALLY like our dogs. :lol:
I really liked the profile of the woman I am seeing now and I kind of hoped that she would answer me. It took her two weeks but then "BOOM". She said something about her fears and I picked up on that (she fears spiders and snakes and I, like a gallant knight, told her that I can look a spider in the eyes...). Told her I was a newb and that I had kids, etc, and asked her right off if that would be a problem. Nope. Thankfully! I have had contact with several other women but I'm just not interested. Do I take my profile off the site I met ______ on? Can't decide. _________ and I will have a conversation about that one of these weekends.
I really like Femmeme's approaching of answering every email. Here's what happened to me: When I first posted, there was a woman I was interested in, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to initiate contact with anyone. But the next day, she contacted me. I figured it was too much of a coincidence to ignore, so I wrote her back. That was about three weeks ago, and we've seen each other several times since. As for Biotech's comment, my profils is still up, but it's mostly out of pure curiosity. Anytime I visit the site, while I'm interested in what other people say, I have to be honest and say I'm not interested in reaching out to anyone just now. Now that I've written that out, it seems clear I should take it down, at least temporarily. I'm not interested in meeting up with anyone else at this point, if for no other reason than it would start to complicate things, and I have enough complications going on in my life right now without adding that. Anyway, this doesn't answer your question. Sorry--but I do hope that my experience and Biotech's encourages you to reach out to someone. Really, what's the worst that can happen? Maybe you meet someone that you don't click with. But then again, maybe you do. Good luck and let us know what happens. --Zoe
I realized I wasn't ready to meet anyone yet. I wanted to come out to my gay friends and a few select close straight friends before I actually put myself out there. What I really want is someone to go with to things like the Michelle Malone concert tomorrow night. I want to be in a crowd with a bunch of lesbians. When I was younger, I would have gone by myself. But what if I ran into someone I knew? I'd rather be out to them before running into them like that. Or figuring out that the person I met on a dating site knows some people that I'm not out to. I suspect that this is an interconnected community and everyone knows everyone. Anyway, after I've come out to some more people, I'll be more ready. I think I feel this way because I do know a solid handful of gay women and men in town. ---------- Post added 6th Jul 2013 at 09:22 PM ---------- I should say I came out to 3 lesbian friends plus their friend, a woman I met last week, yesterday. I'm really excited.
Congratulations on coming out to all those people! I came out to someone new today, each time it gets a little easier! (*hug*)
My jaw was hanging open as I read some of these posts - they could have easily been written by me! I'm 52 and just joined Match a few days ago under "woman looking for women". I have a date in about an hour! I'm a complete newbie and she said "yikes!" but didn't end the conversation there, so I guess she's being open minded about it. So cool to see others in the same situation. My only question now is "if this is a date, who pays?" When dating men, they always paid (at least on the first few dates).
Congratulations on your date! I'm so glad she didn't turn you down because you're new at all of this. And, if by chance she ever does, don't despair. I know there are women out there who will accept you just the way you are--I can speak from experience here. Well, I don't know the rules, but the girl I'm seeing suggested the first date, and she paid. I didn't ask her to, she just did. I'm so new at this too, I don't know if that's normal or she's just wonderful. I'm interest to see what others say. --Zoe
