Gay doesn't deserve love ?!!

I know what you mean, I've thought that myself. Except I wouldn't be with a girl period, it just wouldn't be right. I truly want to believe I can find someone with that I honestly love, but it seems so hard for LGBT. I think it's possible, but really hard :/

To me the sec would just be a bonus, I want to find someone and have a real relationship, one that goes far beyond the sex.

 

It is important to realize that in life things are not binary, either or, right or wrong. In the gay world, which is to say a world of unconventional relationships, love is there, but it is so much more complex than just sex without love.

There is love, deep love in the gay world. For me, I cannot love a woman as deeply or as wholeheartedly, simple as that.

What do you mean by a successful relationship? You need to be aware that your criteria for success may be based on those of the hetero world. Fact is, gays have had to create their own idea of success. Here's an extract from

n+1: California Love Story

which illustrates my point:

"They improvised a network of connections erotic, emotional, familial, or what have you. A web of friends, old friends, once-friends, mentors, surrogates, lovers, almost lovers, ex-lovers, lost souls, loose cannons, patrons, pickups, dropouts, healers, strippers, gods; all contributing to a social fabric—call it tulle, or cashmere—in which a clear distinction between love and friendship, eroticism and warmth, loving and fucking, couldn’t quite exist. Versions of that fabric existed long before AIDS, before Stonewall, and versions exist today."

This is to be celebrated, there is a freedom here that the hetero world does not enjoy, I consider it one of the great things about being gay, that I can define what constitutes successful relationships, and that can range from marriage (my personal preference) to many other forms of loving and deep relationships.

 

Don't forget that most of the people who are just having loving relationships probably are busy living that life rather than writing about it online. How many news stories do you see about how nothing bad happened today? Same basic principle.

Also, straight people certainly have lots of struggle in finding relationships. They just have a larger support structure, more dating options, and its kind of taken for granted that they will have several failures before they find 'the one'. And even that might not work out.

Traveling and just have my iPad ATM so hard to post links, but do some google searches for gay couples, or gay weddings or gay parents and you will probably turn up some pictures and blogs and such. YouTube also has a surprising number of gay couple based stuff. Look for the videos made by russmarine for some cute couples vids from a guy who is actually a US Marine (and so is his boyfriend - now fiancé, his boyfriend proposed recently, very cute vid). There's also a gay couple with kids, but I don't remember their names.

There's actually a lot of good stuff out there, you just have to know where to look.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

Hi,

You can and will find the love relationship YOU want. There are gay men just like you. There are a number here on EC both inside and outside your age bracket.

The issue is it is a numbers game. Gays are a smaller community, and gays that meet your criteria cuts into your numbers, then within those gay men your age, in your area, that appeal to you really thins the herd.

I met a nice guy yesterday after a gay church service. Normally I would not attend church... I am spiritual I just don't have faith in organized religion. But I go for the coffee hour after the service to meet like minded gay men.

Generally speaking gays are more creative problem solvers than the average bear. Apply your creativity and think outside the box to find a suitable mate.

As greatwhale has indicated creative problem solving has flavoured the gay non-standard relationships out there.

You can have what you want, just need to apply yourself. Where would a gay man that would appeal to you be found?

 

Hi,

Not necessarily true.

It is not true for me.

Don't fall for stereotypes.

I met a guy and he was prematurely pawing at me and that was that.

Like you, I am not a piece of meat and I need to approach things in ways that are comfortable to me.

I am sure there are guys who would have liked this guy but he wasn't my cup of tea.

 

You are in the majority of gays in my opinion.

Just average guys who identify with men.

No big deal. Except it is life altering.

What cities in europe have large gay quarters?

 

of course gay people deserve love, we all do. those that dont deserve love are those that misuse the concept and use people for their own enjoyment, otherwise there is no reason for anyone not to be loved :hug:

 

Germanion, I was waiting for you to make a post like that after that thread to see if you're really emotionally interested into women while only sexually interested into men or a person whose emotional orientation aligns with the sexual orientation. It seems like you are closer to the first. If that's truly the case, then I have a good news and bad news. The good news is that there are women who cares a lot more for emotional companionship than having sexual activities. The bad news is that society and even many lgbtq members rejects the notion that emotional orientation and sexual orientation can be separate elements.

 

It's your life, and you can live it however you want to. But your gay right? And you say that you wouldn't mind finding a woman who will accept you, without a physical relationship. Your ok with that, but will she? Wouldn't it feel like your not giving yourself completely to that person?

Yeah it's difficult to find someone who fits our criteria in the LGBT life. Men and women aren't perfect. Everyone values different things...

I think it's wonderful that your one of the few who put love above sex ^_^
You will meet a guy who shares common ground on your ideals. Until then, there are other "outlets" when it comes to love. Anyone can give you love outside the context of a relationship: mother, father, sister, brother, friends, pets. If you ask my friends, they'd complain that I'm constantly glomping them :3

 

It's been my experience that gay men ARE, on average, interested in sexual relationships more than romantic ones, compared to their straight brethren. That said:

1. the sexual relationships are easily the most visible ones. It's much easier to notice the gay guys on the prowl at the gay clubs than the gay guys who are in a relationship and are spending the evening at home.

2. the dynamic shifts as people get older. 20-year-old gay guys are generally more likely to be looking for a hook-up than an LTR. But if you look at 25-year-olds, 30-year-olds, 40-year-olds...as you go up in age, you'll see the percentage shifting more and more in favor of a relationship.

3. We're talking in generalities. I have met plenty of 20-year-olds interested in getting into a stable relationship. And, to be fair, I've met plenty of 50-year-olds interested in getting into somebody's pants.

Lex

 

I don't think it's "unfortunate", other than the fact that presumably it'd be easier to find Mr Right-Now than Mr Right. That said, you can still take steps to improve your odds. Don't bother looking at nightclubs or other "meat market"-type places. You're more likely to find a hook-up than a boyfriend there. Instead, do some research before you get to Cologne. Look for gay social groups - gay biking clubs, gay volunteer groups, gay book clubs, gay sporting clubs.

Lex

 

Allow me to dispell your fears:

From the APA website:
Sexual orientation, homosexuality and bisexuality