I'll try to make a long story short. I am gay and totally in the closet. There is this young intern (in his twenties) that just finished his term at my company. While he was at my place of work, he and I got really close...most likely he saw me as a mentor figure, then as a friend. We spent a lot of time together, he slept at my house a lot (guest room). I could've sworn that my gaydar told me there MIGHT BE a possibility (he made a picture we took together as his FB profile pic??), but he used to have a long term GF, always talks about girls to me, so most likely I'm fantasizing. But now that he is gone, I miss him and I can't stop thinking about him. He used to text me and still does occasionally, and my heart stops every time he does. It's so freakin pathetic because I then count the days before I text him back so that he doesn't think I'm at his beck and call. My question is, HOW DO I STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS YOUNG KID! I feel pathetic and my heart aches...I do this kind of stuff all the time, aargh.
There are always similar threads like this. It happens quite often. Here is what I think. We meet these exceptionally cute guys who are sometimes rather smart as well. So we give them our best, and most considerate welcome into our lives or our homes. They appreciate this consideration, and often find us trustworthy. So they tell us things that they do not tell others. They let down their guard, and show us some intimacy. They sometimes show off their sexuality to us, kind of as a gift, or a show of trust. We fall in love with their beauty, and enjoy the relationship, as it truly is a healthy friendship. But we want more than just friends so often. Sometimes these guys become so comfortable, that they will get into our beds and let us go down on them, kind of as a gift and show of their trust. But it is never going to be a LTR for them. Some of them could come out as gay, but most often it is just a closeness we got, and that closeness is hard to let go of. The best way to forget about him, is to find other interesting people and things. That is really the only thing I know of. I have had this happen a few times. I just get busy with things, and that keeps my mind busy. Eventually it fades.
Thank you for taking time to respond Jeff, if anything it's just good to talk to someone about and let me vent. I think you've hit the nail on the head head, I guess I can't seem to come to realization that this is not going to become a fairy tale ending. Also, I'm sure this is rooted in me being so lonely because I'm in the closet "living a role" as I heard so many people describe it here. Again, thanks again for writing.
I do the the same things im bi/pan and i keep falling for straight girls and gay guys. you are not alone
I just want to say that falling in love with or having crushes on straight guys, usually good friends of mine, has led to some of the worst emotional experiences of my life. I see these seductive types as dangerous. Be careful. Stay away if you can. No good will come of it. ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2013 at 07:58 PM ---------- It is titallating and you think maybe you've struck gold, but it is all a cruel illusion..some of these guys just are toying with you don't be vulnerable.
I wouldn't do anything about it. At all. You need to move on, and actually time and distance causes this stuff to quell itself, some 95+% of the time. I've got this scanner that seems to notice handsome suits and wants to steal glances or look a little longer. And it's about their attractive looks and not the fact that they may be married, which they often are. And what am I going to do about this? There's nothing I can and should do. That's why it's called eye candy. But that's one of my quirks when it comes to attraction. At any rate, there's nothing very productive that comes from hoping and hanging on for someone whose sexual orientation is at a different point on the spectrum than yours.
I've been doing a lot better with my crush since joining this site, thank you. However, I am of course not totally over him. He's been doing another short internship at another company. Yesterday and today was his first day off, so he sent me a text message. I got so excited that he texted me right away when he got some time off, and then he texted me tonight again (I did not instigate the texts). Again, I'm sure he sees me as a good friend and a mentor, so that is why he's texting me, but this guy can't help it to get excited, read into things, and get my hopes up. I know, I know, this is not going to lead anywhere...it DOES help to actually hear it, and keep hearing it BUT...I'm just saying this: I know when I'm unable to communicate for awhile, and then all of a sudden, I have time, I know the person that I'm going to start communicating right away is going to be very special to me - most likely romantically - someone that I've been thinking a lot about. After communicating with that person(s), then I'd probably contact my friends, family, etc. So...I guess this is why I keep getting my hopes up and get excited for no reason. Just thought I'd share, thanks.
Hi, Putting age aside. I just want to say... This could also be two very closeted gay men doing the same dance with each other. One option is to show your hand in a discreet way. If he spooks problem solved. If he doesn't spook you may have something to ponder. This is the reason I hate the closet having lived there 40 years. It is so damn good now that when my gaydar goes off I can talk about it with the person within a couple of meetings My gaydar has not been wrong yet.
Yes - I'd tend to agree. If you're this close with this person, let them know that you're gay - somehow. NOT that you're gay AND into them. JUST that you're gay. And see what happens. I love that Garth Brooks song 'Standing Outside The Fire'. The lyrics are so great. I love it. My ex wife was the country music fan, but I came to appreciate it, and when I'm looking to have a good cry some of those songs always deliver.
Hi Diego, I read your story and recognize the pattern of swinging wildly between hope and rationale thinking with my straight friend (see my posts). The advice you get is good and I'm trying to follow up as well, but as you said, often easier said than done (as everyone who has been there knows). I hope you will find a way to deal with the situation and meet somebody who will reciprocate your feelings. I'm hoping for the same (perhaps against all odds ;-). I'll keep my fingers crossed for you (and all who are findings themselves in the same situation).
