I'm in my 40s and trying to figure all this out. Hell, I am trying to figure myself out. I think I might be gay. No interest in dating women anymore and find some guys to be really cute or handsome. That's why I am here. I'm a bit concerned that I may have pissed away my life trying to find it all out.
You sound like me 20 years ago. When I was in my 40s, I found myself surrounded by nothing but gay men, and a few lesbians but they don't count, for the first time in my life. I also discovered that gay men excited me. I certainly didn't have that feeling around straight men and I had previously been attracted to only women; a lot of women. It seemed like a gay atmosphere gave me the permission to tap into my dark side, which I previously didn't know even existed. I spent two years exploring my other side, until circumstances led me away and I lost all my contacts in the place I felt the most safe. I'm sorry if I can't explain further, but that explanation would take too long. I can assure you, however, that my departure had nothing to do with fear or rejection of the fact that I was gay. My advice to you, is to allow yourself to explore that other side of you in whatever manner you feel comfortable with, because if you don't you'll be miserable for the rest of your life. It's like a tremendous itch that has to be scratched. It sounds like both of us have felt comfortable with straight sex, but it also sounds like both of us have reached a point where straight sex no longer satisfies our needs. I don't know why this is, but I suspect we're human chameleons, able to fit in wherever we have be. I was taking a huge risk consorting with gay men in the early '90s because aids was killing many of them. I was careful by the way, so that didn't affect me. But like I said, the question of being gay was a very big itch that I had to scratch and, considering the risk I was taking, I doubt that I was depending on my chameleon abilities to scratch it. A gay friend of mine once kept insisting that I "just do it," and that's the last piece of advice I'll give you.
Not too long ago, a guy who is gay asked me if I were interested in being something more than platonic. I hemmed and hawed, but honestly, I have thought about it a lot since then. I also think some of my friends who are gay think I am one of them, and just waiting to make the leap. I do love being around gay men. It IS exciting.
I totally empathize, Dave. It can be challenging and frustrating trying to figure this all out. That's why I am here, too. It's been very helpful reading others' thoughts and stories to remind myself that I'm not alone and that I gotta stay positive and persistent in this new phase of my journey. The tough part has been making new connections and friendships, another part of the reason I'm here in EC.
It is neither too little, nor too late... There is no age limit for love, no age limit to make new friends and to deepen these friendships, sometimes all it takes is a moment to realize how much one person can mean to you. I confess to being haunted by missed opportunities, or people I have actually been with who I can't find anymore. But the past is gone, and I have no time to waste regretting anything. I will love bravely, dance with fate, tear away all those layers of deceit and live an honest life: that is all I can do and all I will do!
Sagebrush, you said it much better than I. Just when I thought I finally had my act together with this thing we call life, this hits me. I'm doing a lot of research and trying to find out just who I am. It is scary in some ways, but in others, it is a little bit exciting, for lack of a better word. The good thing is that I know I don't have to adhere to a timetable. I'll know for sure when I know. ---------- Post added 3rd Jul 2013 at 06:02 PM ---------- So eloquent! I hope to find someone to love once I am ready.
40s is not really that old if one has taken care of themself. And it's great that gay men excite you. For me I found that many gay men bored me, and it was the straight men who turned me on more which made it more difficult.
Just make the most of what's left! I feel like I've lost alot of time/opportunities too.. and its alot harder to 'break in' to groups when you're not at the age where *everyone* is in a position where they know nobody.
I've moved several times, which makes it ever harder. Everyone else has a "history" and you're always the outsider. Once I figure it out, then I'll go forward from there. Not sure what that is yet, but it's going to be an adventure!
Maybe you can turn it into a positive... I'm always too afraid of turning up on my own to a social gathering where I know nobody, but if you say 'im new to this town' it all of a sudden becomes a lot more 'socially acceptable' to turn up somewhere on your own.
That's true. Also gives you a chance to 'reinvent' yourself. I am pretty sure I know where my journey is heading, so it will be nice to meet someone to share that journey.
I feel the same at 44, but then again they say that life begins at 40 so there we are. I have never been with someone but I hope this will change in the coming future, as I have had it with being alone. We have each other on EC so that's a good start
I am 38 and rediscovering who I am after 15 years makes me feel really alive. The mirror does tell a different story. But I don't think it's ever too late! 40s is young. The woman I'm majorly crushing on is 50.
Hopefloats, we 50 year olds can be pretty hot. We may not look like we are 20 but we know what we want. LOL
