Millions of wives married to gay men: China

[shfh]

Millions of wives wed to gay men: China expert

I can actually kinda understand why they would choose heterosexual marriages. I am asian and even though I'm a girl there is still a lot of pressure from family.

[dreamcatcher]

I was actually reading an article similar to this but it was about the current lack of women in China and the effects that could have in Chinese society. Because of the one child policy and the shortage of women, some sociologists believe that gay men in China will start coming out more and so we will see an increase in the number of gay relationships.

[Chouchou]

The thing is, family is the single most important and revered institution in China, and has been for time immemorial. All young people face pressure, especially from parents and grandparents, to get married and start their own families. Often, when their children are busy young professionals who have no time to look for love, their parents will take matchmaking into their own hands and attend these events where they can place "personal ads" that other parents can then read.

It's also true for those Chinese families that have settled in foreign countries, away from the cultural influences of the mainland. My own parents are worried about my prospects, though they rarely let on, but my grandparents (who are still in China) have pretty much asked me about boyfriends every time I visited them.

So many gays and lesbians in China will get married to people of the opposite sex and have children as is their duty to their parents, concealing or denying their feelings for the same sex. So they may feel personally unhappy at not being able to fulfill their personal desires, but in China, the group is still more important the individual.

[Shevanel]

So this is why the One Million Moms are mad...

[shfh]

Originally Posted by Shevanel

So this is why the One Million Moms are mad...

LOL

[Revan]

Sigh....my head hurts with the annoyance. I mean I feel sad and horrible for these women....but I hate how the gay men also have to deal with this -_- It's bad enough in the states where gay men can't even GET married, but China they have to marry another woman? wtf...

[shfh]

For me personally, my family and the possible "shame" my parents would experience from extended family and friends was the biggest reason for me to attempt to be straight. It really was the "group over individual" mentality. I tried to be straight for a while and just the thought of having to pull that off for the rest of my life amost ended me.
People shouldn't have to make that decision.

[Revan]

I think group over individual mentality is ridiculous. Not that I blame you shfh for following it, like you said it's a mentality, and one that exists in this world, i just wish people wouldn't follow it because all it does is hurt the individual.

[shfh]

I was taught some pretty asian beliefs, but I grew up in Canada since I was a little kid. And if I felt pressure to try to hide, then I can just imagine the pressure gay men/women in China feel.
Your right Revan, hiding it would just hurt the individual. When I do eventually come out to my parents, at least I'll know that I am doing what is true to me.

[Austin]

Originally Posted by Revan

I think group over individual mentality is ridiculous. Not that I blame you shfh for following it, like you said it's a mentality, and one that exists in this world, i just wish people wouldn't follow it because all it does is hurt the individual.

Pretty ethonocentric　。。。

[Chouchou]

Originally Posted by Austin

Pretty ethonocentric　。。。

I would agree. The group approach has its drawbacks and benefits, just like the individualistic approach has its drawbacks and benefits. Those of us who were raised in a culture where the prevailing attitude is individualism are conditioned to think that it is better if each person pursues his/her own desires regardless of the effects on the group, but hyper-individualism has serious drawbacks. The proper approach is one of (trying to, at least) balancing both the interests of the group with the personal interests of the individual.

[Austin]

^like

[silkfrog1292]

Originally Posted by Chouchou

I would agree. The group approach has its drawbacks and benefits, just like the individualistic approach has its drawbacks and benefits. Those of us who were raised in a culture where the prevailing attitude is individualism are conditioned to think that it is better if each person pursues his/her own desires regardless of the effects on the group, but hyper-individualism has serious drawbacks. The proper approach is one of (trying to, at least) balancing both the interests of the group with the personal interests of the individual.

^Like!!!!!!

In China, there are now practices where lesbians, who face the same pressures as gay men, to make pacts with gay men in "shadow marriages". They are essentially fake marriages that allow them to adopt a child and to bring home a husband/wife to their elderly parents in the countryside. In fact this pactice is so common an entire industry has sprung up around it, with agencies specialising in "matchmaking" gays and lesbians.

But nonetheless, i still believe that this would just be a passing phase and this practice would one day end. Until very recently in Chinese history there have never been widespread condemnation of homosexuals, it would be good that this sense of tolerance can be re-cultivated in modern chinese society.

[hert3583]

One of my friends at Uni studies Japanese, and he was saying that in Japanese culture the attitude to homosexuality etc is very different than in the west in the sense that as long as the man does his "duty" to society (to marry and procreate) then he can do whatever he wants - he doesn't even have to live with them all the time. It's all about the concepts of "honne" and "tatemae" which are two words in Japanese that don't have literal translations into other languages.