I recently came out to my wife. We're staying together indefinitely, and just going to have separate lives away from each other. It works for us, for now. My question is this: I'm a preachers kid, VERY religious parents, etc. They are visiting next week. Do I tell them? Nothing has really changed, I'm not moving out or getting a divorce, at the moment, but I'm rather proud of my acceptance of myself, and I also love the shock value at telling people I've known for a while (I know, it's dumb, but I'm easily entertained, and I love drama...lol). I've also been doing the research to prove what the Bible REALLY says about gay and lesbian relationships (it really doesn't come right out and condemn them, long story short), to be prepared for the crossfire when they do find out. So, do I tell my parents, and, as my wife put it, embarrass her, or do I keep a lid on it for now, and not say anything?
I guess it's all really up to how you feel on the matter. You have to weigh your options. You're married and 27, so I doubt you're dependant on your parents. Do you believe something bad would happen if you told them? Why does your wife feel she would be embarassed by you telling your parents? Maybe she just needs a bit more time to adjust to you being gay.
Don't think they are on the "need to know" list, so it's totally up to you. Personally I think it would be sad if the decision were made based on love of drama & shock value & looking forward to a biblical debate... I think the real considerations are 1) wanting to live as your authentic self and 2) giving your wife more time to adapt to the change in your relationship before she has to face it publicly. It looks to me like you are not in the right frame of mind to make this decision yet. I would suggest waiting. Just my opinion.
Do they need to know? You are the son of a homophobic preacher. I don't think anything good is going to come from telling them.
I agree with the above. I understand how after telling one person you have the urge to tell more, that's how I felt. However you also have to consider the other person in this situation. If it were just you, I'd say go for it if you felt ready enough. However, I think your wife is just as important in this situation and if she isn't ready for you to start telling people I'd seriously take that on board. She seems to be relatively understanding so far, however the news that you are gay must have been a bombshell. She's understandibly still trying to get used to the idea that she has married a gay man. Perhaps she needs more time to get used to that. I'm not saying don't ever tell your parents or anyone else, ofcourse not. I'm just talking about timing. I would leave it for now (especially as you doubt you'll get a great reaction) and spare your wife more drama as she tries to adapt to this. Perhaps, as a little more time passes, you'll both feel ready for your parents to know, and maybe your wife we'll be in a better position to support you when you do decide to break the news. That's just my opinion though, whatever you do decide to do I wish you all the best. I understand how you must feel like a new life is beginning for you, its a liberation. Its also important to bear in mind other people's feelings in this too though, and I'd suggest continuing to support and talk to your wife throughout your whole coming out process. All the best
It was about 6 months from the time I told my wife to the time I told my parents. During that 6 months, I was still living at home and we were still talking about how we would proceed. What moved me to tell them was that I was finally moving out of the house. At that point, I didn't really have a choice, but my wife and I were both ready for it. My suggestion is to tell them once both of you are ready for it. If she isn't ready, then maybe you should wait. And don't be afraid of them. As hard and as scary as it was, my ultimate attitude was "I'm an adult and what are they going to do, send me to my room?". Unless they support you in some way, there's nothing that will change how you live your life. All they can do is to accept it and be part of it, or reject it and lose a son. My parents were totally shocked, but within a day, they told me they loved me and that I would always be their son. They didn't understand it at first and are still dealing with it, but nothing has changed for me.
I think the better question is do you you think its healthy to stay with your wife? Perhaps it would be easier on your parents if you dont use a "shock and awe" tactic and you take things slowly. Dont get me wrong, I think coming out if for your own personal benefit, but it just seems strange to me that you would stay with your wife. Although I have not had anywhere near the same experiences as you I suppose. Just consider all your options. And how considerate your actions may seem.
