Please Advice: My 11 yo son is into rough gay porn

Well, first of all congratulations on being such a cool and understanding mom. Now, your son is indeed very young and chances are he is just curious as he claims tho it's also very possible that he turns out to be gay, time will tell. But you have no issues with that. Now about that kind of porn I wouldn't call it "normal" but I don't think it's that a big deal. I mean, there was a time I was really into that and I'm sure many other gay boys had gone through that, it could only be a fetish and something he finds "exciting" to look at but doesn't neccesarily means he would be engaging on those kind of acts later in life, as most kids who play violent videogames aren't violent in real life. The thing is he's really young, and it could help to know how he got exposed to that kind of porn, like if he found it by accident and that's the only kind he knows or if he deliberately looked for it in the first place. In any case it is most important that he understands it is only fiction, but I believe you had explained that to him already. My advice would be to keep an eye on him without totally invading his privacy, if that makes sense at all, ha, and not push him very hard into accepting anything right now, he's very young and you should probably wait before making any conclusions. Good luck!

 

Jeez, that's awkward.

If he is gay, you're probably taking the right steps by showing support one way or another.

Give him time. If he's gay, once he comes to terms with it himself, he'll tell you. Probably.

As for right now, I'd just give him some space. If you don't want him watching porn, definitely do something reasonable about that, but don't pressure him to talk about sexuality. That'll just make him more uncomfortable.

Good luck.

 

You may be reading too much into it. He could be gay, he might not be. "Rough sex" like bondage is consensual, all parties agree ahead of time and set boundaries. BDSM is the kinky side of sex if you didn't already know and safety is highly stressed, at least it's supposed to be.

No hard core sex won't change your son, the most it'll do is change his view on what sex is but that's what you're there for. I think it'd be a good idea to explain sex in a bit more detail so he can understand the difference. He may be young for porn but since he's already been watching it this is a good opportunity to teach him a bit more. Also might want to have 'the talk' if you haven't already

 

Sounds very unhealthy, I think you should seek out some counselling for him.

 

Might as well chime in my two cents.

I honestly think you're a great mom for being so supportive, however don't jump to conclusions so soon. He's 11 so it's very likely that he is just curious. I started watching porn when I was around his age simply because I was curious. While it is possible he's gay, he could easily just be bi with a fetish for rough sex (like me, I'm special , maybe).

As for his iPhone...I checked and if you wanted to block websites...you've gotta turn off all of Safari it seems, you may just need to do occasional 'porn checks.' Good news, of something you probably weren't considering. Most, if not all, gay chat apps you should be able to block, just a precaution. All you need to do is General -> Restrictions -> Apps -> check off 17+.

I do want to add something that you, and many other people, may not like. He's a boy entering puberty soon and simply he's going to watch porn. I'm sorry but it's the truth. The older he gets the more he will, no matter if it's blocked somehow or not. I watch porn at LEAST twice a week...if not more (with some chat rooms mixed in here and there), that's how it is and probably fits most people here.

Question though: Has he had 'the talk' yet?

P.S. for the rest of us here...who thinks it would be funny if this turned out to be Clarke's crush...I mean seriously...I think I would start laughing my head off...

 

First, Thanks for being a nice mom and fully accepting his *possible* homosexuality.

Well, I have to tell you that you may be overlooking things. And I believe you don't have much to worry about. When I was around his age I was watching porn too. Its normal for people around that age to be watching it. (No matter how weird it may seem haha.) Just make sure you have given your child 'the talk' and give him some space and time to figure out himself. Even if it takes ages, at least if he does come out to you, you can be a cool mom and say "I already know that." plus, what Fugs said:

Hope this was helpful, have a nice day

 

Hi!
I can see you are being supportive about your son, particularly if he is gay, which only time will tell. So I'm going to focus on the porn.
Kids nowadays are exposed to it from a very young age, this is in general about 10 to 13 years old so don't be surprised about your son beginning to watch it. You should be concerned he knows what porn is about, tell him it is fiction and real sex isn't like that, you could also have the talk with him if you haven't already.
On the rough sex thing, all I can say is, not because he watches it means he is into in in real life. And even if he was into it in real life, it is just a sexual preference, and as other have said, it is consensual and there are safety measures to be taken very strictly.
I have watched bondage porn on occasions, but I'm not into it for example, and I also started to watch porn at roughly 13 years old.
Don't be worried, just make sure he knows the facts and guide him as best as possible. Whether you allow him to watch porn or not, is your way of raising your child.

 

Speaking as a kid that grew up on the internet,

I looked at some messed up things. I watched things like that. I was never sexually aroused by it though, it was just curiosity.. Just like horrible pictures of car accidents/etc

It's hard to say for sure , it sounds like there is a pattern there besides curiosity . I also would let him define whether he's gay or not in his own time rather than try to read it out of what he's doing.

At a guess, if there is something going on, it might have something to do with memories he has of abusive behaviour. Not necessarily of the same things happening, just that it is of the same nature, and somehow these things are trying to get worked out in his mind.

I dont think you should be letting him watch things like that, but honestly there's not a whole lot you can do to stop it... Kids are going to do what they're going to do and while he's quite young, often parents reacting negatively will make them want to do it more.

My mum went on and on about how pornography doesn't portray the true nature of love, etc... I knew all along, I never thought that and i never looked to it for information... she just mistook what I was trying to get out of it . She was also under the impression that it was shaping my mind, when in truth, it wasn't at all. I wouldn't worry about it giving the wrong idea unless your child is abnormally impressionable/shallow.

 

I'm also a kid that grows up on internet.

as much as pornography goes, IDK how to talk with that lol. In middle school I mostly looked at gay porn ( i forget what types), pictures of guys and men. I guess that makes me gay lol. But as much as exploring pornography, you can talk about priorities I guess. Like how to put school and other things before sexual desires. I was the kind of AP kids who take increasingly more AP classes down the high school career and still sneak porns here and there. (I'm not boasting about my academics or horniness haha)

But I do advise talking with strangers on internet. There were strangers who helped me to get comfortable with sexuality, there were strangers who got me into things (like work out and also random youtube videos), strangers who helped me to see things different from the things I grew up with (like discussing philosophy, or rather I was reading conversations). if it's just talking, a good and bad thing can happen.

but I strongly advise webcamming. talk with him about it. I have webcam to some strangers on the internet before and so far I haven't found myself on the net.

and also the probability of meeting with strangers for sex. at least not his age. though this might be too early since he might he hardly independent.

this might sounds too much, but... I'm weird.

 

There is a big difference between the pornography I look up to get aroused and the sexual behavior I'm legitimately interested in involving myself in. I think you shouldn't worry so much at this point.

 

Um. What!!??

Not to be mean, but this is so far off base that I'm wondering if there is a major language barrier, or alcohol or something getting in the way here. Most of what is described here, if taken at face value, would be a bad idea for an adult, let alone a child, to engage in.

The only thing that I see here that sort of makes sense is the idea that the Internet can be a source of useful information on various subjects, some of which may be coming from strangers. EC is one such source, after all. That said, The sources in question need to be vetted carefully, especially when a child is involved. EC is carefully designed to protect users of all ages from the potential nastiness out there. In most situations, I would expect the user, or their parents, to carefully check out potential sources of info for accuracy and safety and general 'feel' before simply using them or letting a child use them unmonitored.

Todd

 

well, my advises are shot, ignore them please OP

 

Hi, I read the original post last night and was tired. At that age, if I got my hands on porn, usually in printed form, I'd be curious to look through it, too. I think I did more of this past, say, age 16, and it was sporadic each month.

What concerns me is the nature of the porn more so than just looking at porn. Neither is optimal, really, at that age.

What's great is that you've created a safe and accepting vibe for your son. He is ashamed of being caught, which is natural, but you're past that hurdle.

My personal opinion is that the negative behavior experienced when his father was around may have flavored his perception of sex and relationships. I'm sure that can be changed once the negative element is no longer in the picture. Other than what you've told us, is your son sociable, affable, and does he have other interests and friends? We know his age, but not much about his personality. That could help us understand more, though some of us are not psychologists or anything like that. From my own personal experiences, I wasn't exactly filled to the brim with social opportunities, so I liked looking through magazines and letting my mind wander while peers may have been playing hoops.

I do think that finding a counselor to work with is important, and it's probably better sooner than later, provided you have the resources. The other thing is that it should be a counselor that your child can confide in, have a decent rapport with, and has experience working in this area, as opposed to someone who only specializes in, say, ADHD or similar concerns. Let us know what you decide. But you are taking the right "baby steps" because this is not going to resolve itself in one month.

 

Well I think your son is very bad at hiding porn, and should only use his phone, AND should delete his history every time he looks at porn.
By deleting history, I mean all of it. I know the way iPhone history works inside and out, and even if he deletes it there are still plAces to find it.
Jk I can't think of anything serious to say..