My 11 year old told me he is gay

Well, if you support him, I think you've done enough. Just make sure everything is going fine for him, especially at school (you know how mean kids can be), and let him figure his own thing out. Maybe ask him how everything is going in a few weeks, if the moment is right.

Anyway, you're a great mother! I wish there were more fine mothers like you out there.

 

Navigating unrequited affection is pretty much the same all around, unless there's homophobia at play. There isn't (to my limited knowledge) a surefire formula for getting kids through love unscathed. Hugs are a great remedy, though. As for school, the arts tend to be a good area for LGBT kids, as a great deal of importance is placed on self-awareness and expression. I've always been heavily involved in theater, and it tends to be a pretty safe place. Anyway, it's obvious that your son feels safe with YOU, and that's huge. Thanks for being one of the good ones.

 

I'm so proud of you and your son both! I am 20 years old and still haven't come out to my family because I am scared of my mothers reaction. You accepting your son and embracing him is simply beautiful. Also, I commend him for coming out at such a young age. It shows a lot of courage and strength. The fact that he was comfortable enough to tell you assures me you are a great mother! As for him having "girlfriends" before or what not, I still talk to my mom about girls I like when she asks me that sort of stuff just because I'm still hiding my feelings. I don't know your sons particular situation, but maybe it could be the same. As of right now, you are his "support group" just make sure he knows that you are there to talk about it any time he needs you. Sometimes just knowing someone is there to talk to can make a huge difference, but try not to be pushy as it might make him a tad uncomfortable. Once again I'm so proud of you both. I nominate you for mom of the year! Good luck with everything.

 

He has confided in you, that means he trust you, well done.

If he trusts you that means what you have done as a mother until this point has been the right thing.

So now I have a question for you, what do you think you should do now?

 

As has unanimously been stated, you have already taken the first step in loving and accepting him as he is.

For the "Girlfriends":

These ideas are common among children pre-puberty because before they pass that threshold, most have difficultly deciphering between admiration and attraction. Regardless of sex, children often experiences instances of admiration for members of both sexes; however, since being with the opposite sex is what is imposed on them by society, they tend to be led to believe that their admiration for the opposite sex is "attraction" and the same sex as "idolization". Though in reality most children don't experience actual strong attractions until early puberty.

 

This.

The point of my post was to say 'trust your instincts' because you have trusted them to now and you have been the best mum.

He has already come to you, if he needs anything else he will come to you again. It's a bigger deal to him than it is to you that he has told you that he is gay, and the fact that you have responded positively takes a weight off his shoulders when he may have been preparing to be rejected. Give him time to calm down because I would imagine he may be a limitless bundle of emotions

In the mean time, perhaps you could search for your nearest chapter of PFLAG where you can chat with other parents with gay children.

Trust yourself to do the right thing

 

Aww it's so good he trusts you and that you can support him xxx

 

Best. Mother. Ever.

 

too bloody right

and it is heartening to see so many mothers (and fathers) come here and talking about their experiences with their teen and preteen children.

Perhaps the admins could consider new sections or even a sticky in EC where Mum's and Dads with young children coming out can be in one place for each other.

 

I think you sound like you're doing great so far, accepting what he's told you! Just keep listening, supporting and it sounds like if one day he does realise he likes girls and boys that he will be comfortable telling you. If you normally ask about girls he likes at school, maybe ask in a gender neutral way if you think he might be bi not gay, as that wouldn't disrespect the fact he's come out as gay but leaves things open. As for his friend not liking him back, everyone goes through that gay or straight, just be there for him and answer his questions if he is wondering whether to tell his friend - I'd go for not personally as it could ruin a friendship, gay or straight. Good luck and well done for having such a close relationship with your son that he felt happy coming out to you

 

I honestly can't imagine having that conversation with my mother as an 11 year old. I can't imagine having that conversation with anyone as an 11 year old. That says a great deal about you...and your son. You must have a great relationship. You should be very proud of yourself and him. I would just let him continue to come to you. He obviously doesn't have a problem doing it.

 

First of all, you are a wonderful mother for supporting him. I wish my mom was as understanding and open-minded as you are. My mother has no idea that I like women, and unfortunately, she probably never will. She was raised to believe it is wrong and an abomination. No, she doesn't go around degrading homosexuals. She's actually a generally nice person when someone who is gay talks to her. But I know that she thinks it's wrong because she tells me all the time.

What you can do for you child is to continue supporting him. He may or may not want to come out at school, but if he does, he may or may not be picked on. Other children can be very cruel, especially if they were raised to believe homosexuality is wrong. The best thing for you to do is to remind him that he is who he was meant to be and that nothing is wrong with it. Make sure you tell him that the only reason others see it as wrong is because a lot of society was built to believe that it should always be man + woman. I bet if he said something like that to the kids at his school, they wouldn't have much to say afterwards, lol.

A support group for him is a wonderful idea. Support groups are made to build confidence and acceptance in a person. I think you should act the way everything was before he told you. He will come to you if he has any questions or things to tell you. Make sure you ask questions as well, because that will help him realize that you do fully support him and that you are interested in what he has to say.

Good luck!

 

Thanks for posting, and I think you've done a great job. I also think it's perfectly OK to feel a bit depressed about wanting grand-kids; I know my mom was too, when I first told her, after all, we're all only human. You seem to have a really great attitude about adjusting...and it is a big adjustment, because being gay still isn't the easiest thing, and there are a lot of legitimate concerns. But your being there and being supportive is very heartening, and posts like yours help give me hope.

Oh, and the thing about pomegranates in my description is just a joke! I actually have a partner who I've been with for 24 years now, and we plan to get married here in Maryland next spring. My family accepts my partner as part of the family by now; it may have taken some time, but over the years, even the more conservative aunts and uncles came to see we're just two people who love each other. It was harder coming out back in the late 80s, but I've managed to have a good life, there have been ups and downs sure, but I've remained young at heart, and hopeful for the future, that things will get better for LGBT people in general.

 

RE what everyone said, for my first year on EC, there's a few impressive parents on here whose thread I remember reading, and I am tipping my hat for now since I can't tip champagne yet.

(damn, I don't remember what I did when i was 11 years old lol)

 

^^^This.

I really wish I had found EC back when I was 14 and I first realized I had attractions towards men. All the fear and anxiety about someone finding out my secret, I really wish I had a site like EC back then. It might do him well.