16 year old looking at transexual/gay porn? What should I do?

Hello and welcome, itzme! We're glad you're here.

Honestly, at this point I would advise you to let it be. If you keep asking him about it or implying that you believe he is gay, it could lead to him feeling pressured and shutting you out. If he is in denial, he might not like others seeing him as anything except straight. It's quite possible that he's gay, but he has to be able to accept and be comfortable in that himself before he can come out to you, no matter how accepting you are.

Remember, it's also possible that he really is straight and just has unusual porn interests for a straight guy, in which case asking him about it further could frustrate him. You've done all you can and there are other resources available to him too. You are a very good parent.

 

Couldn't have put it better myself ^ Listen to this guy

 

Fiddle makes good points, the last thing you want is for him to shut you out completely!

There are two points I want to make, along with a couple of questions you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

The first concerns this depression. Now, you say he is depressed, I have to ask, is this something he has told you, or something you've noticed (either are valid it's just useful to know where your son is in his own mind). If HE has mentioned it, is he getting help with it?

The second involves the porn. "He denied it, and said he was not gay, or transexual" I'm going to assume you know this already, but I have to cover all bases here, even if he's looking at trans porn, it doesn't necessarily make him trans himself.

"I read that some straight men are attracted to transexuals, so I don't know what to make of that." I apologise in advance for this because it might be...well not graphic as such, but possibly not the kind of discussion you would perhaps WANT, but it might shed some light.

There are a couple of things about trans porn that make it different from straight and gay porn.

The first is that for the most part, trans pornstars are STUNNING. It seems far more common to see an absolutely beautiful trans porn star than in straight porn...I don't know why this is, might be just something I've noticed and everyone else disagrees, but still.

The second is the content. Again I generalise, but it is my experience that where-as straight porn gives you about 2 seconds before the sexing begins, trans porn seems to...I don't know...tease(?) more...there;s a playfulness in some of it that you don't seem to get elsewhere...maybe your son likes that...

Alternatively, perhaps your son IS questioning, but trans porn is a comfortable area where he can explore it without labelling himself as gay before he has to. Watching two guys going at it? Totally gay! Watching a girl (who happens to have a penis)...more of a grey area if your questioning...

I'll bet that was a fun read, but now you're through it...at least you've told him you'll support him whatever, just let him figure it out in his own time. To be honest if it were me I'd be more worried that my parents had realised I was looking at porn (because no child of my mothers would EVER do something so revolting!) than anything else!

 

Actually girls do as well.

 

Personally, I'd be more concerned about the fact that he watches porn than the kind of porn he watches. It's a pretty well-known fact that people's porn-watching habits often do not correlate with their own sexual preferences. It's also pretty well-known that porn is detrimental to people's perception of sex, especially social, but possibly also biological.

It seems that your son has issues to deal with, so I'd say forget the trans thing since he's already told you he's not trans, and deal with the more pressing problems.

Good luck.

 

Pornography is an important subject for children and parents alike.

My Mother thankfully never brought it up, nor did she look at my browsing history since it was private and not her property or right to investigate. To that end, I am infinitely grateful she never brought up sex. It is a topic I have no wish to ever talk about with my parents.

Sex, in my opinion (and thus, pornography), is a path that is yours to walk, and yours alone.

 

Best you can do(regarding his probably not so straight sexual orientation) is be openly supportive of the gay community. When a related issue comes up don't be afraid to voice your support. If he really is gay or bi, this will help him not only come to terms with it but also be more open about talking about it with you.. Wish you all the best

 

Of course there is always the chance that he genuinely isn't gay but happens to enjoy trans porn. No reason he couldn't identify as straight and still find something he likes about a penis...

 

I definitely agree about the therapy no matter what. However, medication can also be good when paired with therapy. Regardless, therapy should be pursued no matter what, as it's truly invaluable. I felt the need to point out that medication can be effective as an adjunct to therapy.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional. One other thing to consider is that medication for treating depression (Probably an SSRI...) have a wide range of side effects. They're also a bit shady on people who aren't adults yet (Most notably, a potential increase in suicidal ideation...). However, they're an option to consider, paired with therapy, as the two are very, very helpful for some individuals. It could be about whether it's truly worth it or not... and if your son does start to take medication for this, it's important that he's seen regularly when he first starts it out, and that he knows what things to look out for while taking it.

It's very hard to tell if the medication is helping or not for some people. In my experience, I honestly am not sure if it was of assistance at all. It potentially could have been detrimental... or not. Who knows? I certainly don't, and my doctors did and do not, either.

 

Sorry but this nonsense. Porn isn't inherently detrimental. Not the least because there are various kinds of pornography.

 

Must agree. Especially when you consider the things mentioned in Ellia's post earlier. And, I agree with her, trans porn (or as it's usually marketed "shemale" porn) has a huge teasing aspect to it, to the point where that's almost more to that than when they actually have parts exposed doing things with them.

 

Well, my psychology textbooks disagree, but whatever. Even if it's all honky dory, it's called "adult matetial" for a reason, and IMO doesn't belong in the hands of a troubled teen who is already struggling with addiction. But that's up to his mom to decide what to do.

 

Porn, by its very nature is fantasy based. If it weren't it would be pretty darn boring.

Most fantasies represent things we would never do in real life, but find titillating, and arousing to think about.

Watching too much porn can be troubling if it is taking a great deal of a person's time, and it is serving as a replacement for other friendships or attachments. I would be tempted to say that if your son is depressed, then he may be feeling isolated. Porn is an open door to uncritical, instant intimacy with beautiful creatures of all shapes and sizes; a good way to feel a connection, even if it isn't real.

Your first order of business is the depression. Therapy, with medication as a possible adjunct. That is something for a doctor to decide, though, not us.

Good luck.

 

I'd like to see a citation for that.
More-over you've now moved the goal posts from it being inherently deterimental, to being detrimental for troubled teens struggling with addiction. Many things are harmful for that particular group of people.

From the APA btw:

 

That's what I pointed out, yes.

Thing is these are people that need a therapist.
Many people have perfectly healthy lives and relationships, whilst they also watch porn. These people therefore never visit a therapist for such issues.
What I'm getting at that basing your views on porn on the experience of people visiting therapists is like basing your views on alcohol on people who go to AA meetings.

It's not just non-random, it's heavily biased.
I'd like to see some of these anecdotal indicators. Keep in mind thought that an appeal to anecdote is a logical fallacy.

With certain people. I'd like to see some evidence that this is generally true though.
Again appealing solely to anecdotes or biased samples like people who need a therapist is rather flawed.