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Son in school

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Katyjane80, Feb 6, 2014.

  1. Katyjane80

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    Hi all

    I'm going to my sons school tomorrow to meet with the head teacher over my son being constantly tormented over his sexuality, I feel the school are brushing it under the carpet, has anyone else got feedback from school might be helpful to know it's not just me who gets wound up over this

    Thanks
     
  2. Claudette

    Claudette Guest

    you need to let them know, that this bullying will not continue, do what you need to do... round up the parents (I'm sure other kids are being bullied) and protest on the school, or PTA meetings about this issue.
    Just because he's being bullied over his orientation doesn't mean he should be singled out from the other kids who are being bullied.
    Going to your local paper and letting them know whats going on, should ruffle your local schools feathers enough for it to make a change about this "torment"

    Bullying, for whatever reason really needs to stop in schools.. I was bullied all through grade school, and no one ever did anything about it
     
  3. BradThePug

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    Even though I was never out in school, I was still tormented because I was seen as a masculine female. My school did much of the same thing. They even blamed me, saying that I needed to act more feminine. They told my parents that, and my parents were so angry at them for saying that.

    So, stay strong, and make it clear the outcome that you want. Most likely the school will try to sweep it under the rug, because it makes them look bad if thing like this go on in their schools.
     
  4. Katyjane80

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    His worst time was PE as the other boys were making comments that he must be 'getting off' on them getting undressed and the usual immature comments, I refused to let him do PE until some safeguards were put in place, he now does PE with the girls, although he's happy with this arrangement as he's with his friends, I think it's missing the point!! What do others think about this??
     
  5. Claudette

    Claudette Guest

    Your sons school really needs to fix this whole issue, and bring forth measures for bullying, it can be a very traumatic experience for a person. and the school should feel ashamed that it is letting this happen
     
  6. burg

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    sadly a lot of schools brush off lgbt youth. not all schools do tho is there any schools in your area with gay straight alliances?.
    make sure the head teacher gives you a clear plan how he intends to deal with the situation if he cant then he is brushing it off.
    it may help to know more details about what he and you are going though.and thanks for being a caring mumsky.
     
  7. BradThePug

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    Yeah, that's not cool. The school needs to make it clear that bullying is not an acceptable behavior. It should have been made clear to the other boys in that class that what they were doing is not acceptable. They also have set your son up for future problems, since they put him in the girl's class. There are now 2 things that he can be easily picked on for..
     
  8. Katyjane80

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    I'm even more annoyed that whilst on the school website looking for the contact details for the head, there was a big news item that they have recently won an excellence award for inclusion!!!

    The issues are all minor things but my son said there's not a day goes by when walking round the school other kids are not sniggering or shouting 'gay boy' or 'look at his girls bag' etcetera. It's happened twice in front of me whilst dropping him off or picking him up,

    I just worry that all these negative comments along with all this about Russia on the news, a really upsetting documentary last night about Russian gay hunters, my son didn't watch it but was aware of it...... It's got to be getting to him :frowning2: he's 14 and as if that's not a difficult age as it is
     
  9. Claudette

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    Your son is very brave, 14 and openly gay in school... takes alot of guts, I am jealous of your sons courage =)
     
  10. Vince

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    Wow, this is unfortunate but in middle school I went through something similar. I had to be taken out of school and lost my AP/honors status. Kids threatened to bring guns, the put gum in my hair, and they even stole my school supplies. No teacher or principal cares enough to do anything and they blamed me for being different. From my experiences I feel that it's probably better to go above the principal and talk to the school board. Please just intervene and if you have to you can ask to have him sent to one of the other schools in your area as well.
     
  11. Aldrick

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    I'm very sorry your son and your family is going through this, but this is a situation where the problem starts at the top. As they say, the fish rots from the head down. This type of systemic behavior is happening because the school itself - it's teachers and it's administrators - are not doing their part. Quite frankly, as BradTheCat said putting him in a female PE class is only going to make the problem worse. They've effectively singled him out and made him different, and I personally would take it as a swipe against him that they even considered doing that... it's basically like saying, "Yeah, if you want to act like a girl then you should go hang with the girls."

    This isn't a situation where you can easily wave a magic wand and fix. It's going to require some real effort. I'd reach out to the ACLU and Lambda Legal. Talk to them about what is going on at the school, and get some legal advice. If you've been dealing with the school and you aren't getting anywhere, this is your best course of action moving forward. If you can get their support it will take a huge load off your shoulders, and you won't feel like you're fighting a battle all on your own. That can often be the most demoralizing thing.
     
  12. Katyjane80

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    I don't intend to let the school do nothing, I've been to the year head and didn't really achieve much, I'm now going to the principal my next stop will be the local
    Authority!! He is a very quiet lad and likes to blend in the background, I on the other hand am not and will fight for him.... I think he's very brave not only is he out and proud in school, he's in a majorette troupe he competes each week alongside 1000 girls.... I just don't think he should be at all unhappy in school whilst he has good grades, good attendance and good behaviour, wish me luck xx
     
  13. Aldrick

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    I wish you large amounts of luck, Katyjane80. You are an amazing mother. Not many mothers would stand and fight for their children as you're doing, and fewer still would do it for their gay children. Your son is incredibly lucky.

    Just remember that you aren't standing alone. Keep documentation of everything, and please keep us updated.
     
  14. Katyjane80

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    Your words are very kind, I will update tomorrow xx
     
  15. King

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    Schools are all very keen on dealing with racism, yet seem to brush sexuality under the carpet and say the usual jargon of 'we have a zero tolerance policy and are trained to notice these things'. They also seem more bothered about bullying over the internet than in person, may be they don't know how to act or don't see the importance of it.

    They may simply not be aware of the issue (even thought they should be aware), so it is best to tell them

    May be it is best to have a strong word with the head teacher and if you feel he/she is not taking the issue seriously then threaten to write a letter to OFSTED, the PTA or even the Liverpool Echo. It sounds drastic, but they wouldn't want to take the risk of you doing that.

    I hope you get the problem resolved in an efficient manner.
     
  16. IG88

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    Oh yes you should be very wound up about this, and rightly so. No one should be bullied for being themselves, and you should try to bring this issue about your son's bullying and anyone else's for that matter to the school's and community's attention.

    Write a letter to the local papers, school newsletter, email the school board, principal, and all of the teachers about how this needs to stop. Email them every week and/or day. Look for a speaker to come to the school and talk about bullying. If the school doesn't listen, mention that you might take legal action. That usually wakes them up.
     
  17. danball7

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    I'd say if they continue to act in a "it's a non-issue, his fault for being gay, put him in the girls' class" way, I'd go to the biggest newspapers and news stations you can to force them to act. You can probably as them to keep your son's identity anonymous from the country at large if you need to. But anti-gay bullying has got to be recognised and stamped out. At my school, if a teacher hears someone say "paki" for example, 9/10 times they'll jump down your throat, but students regularly call others gayboys etc and you'd be lucky to get half the incidents noticed by a teacher.
     
  18. Katyjane80

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    Hi all

    Well I went to see the head this morning, asked him what was the schools strategy of dealing with homophobia? He made all the right noises, zero tolerance, coming down like a ton of bricks etcetera ....he has offered an in school counsellor should my son need one (although my son is absolutely fine when left alone) he was going to speak to my son and a couple of his friends to see if he can point out a couple of the regular offenders .... My son said he did call for him and got out all of the pupil mug shots... So he said he will give me an update on Monday..... The PE issue wasn't really dealt with he didn't seem to have an answer!! But at least the teacher (and my son) know that I'm there keeping an eye out and fighting his corner,

    Thanks for all of your encouragement and support x
     
  19. Martin

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    Hey,

    Welcome to the site! Tis always good to see fellow Merseyside peeps on here! :grin:

    It's interesting that many schools often preach about having a zero tolerance towards bullying, and yet examples like this clearly highlight that their lack of understanding on LGBT issues contributes to them failing to meet the needs of their students who are subjected to such bullying. Saying that, it's good that they are taking the time to acknowledge your concerns and offer reassurances that they're monitoring the situation and are willing to intervene, so all is not lost thanks to your assertive approach.

    What might be a good path forward is to outline all aspects of the bullying that your son is experiencing (who are the frequent offenders, what classes they're in, days/times it tends to occur, risks your son may face when walking home/outside of school etc), and then take all that information to a strategy meeting at the school that allows yourself, your son, a school counsellor, and possibly even his form tutor and head of year (if those roles exist) to all come together and develop a plan of action for tackling the situation based on the information you've collected about the bullying. It's all well and good them offering reassuring messages of support that they're on top of it, but they have a duty of care to your son and they can't simply fulfil that duty through words alone. It needs to be a collaborative effort between yourselves and the appropriate staff members at the school so that everybody knows what risks to look out for and how to intervene as and when necessary.

    Outside of this, what peer networks and support does your son have for his LGBT identity? The reason I ask this is because - if he hasn't done so already - Liverpool's Young Person's Advisory Service (YPAS) have an LGBT support and social group for young people called Gyro (see: http://gyro.org.uk ), who I've heard a lot of good things about. I would recommend looking into them and seeing what he thinks about it so that he can meet fellow peers outside of school and make friends with other people who can relate to his situation, and it might even be worth you contacting them yourselves and seeing what advice and support they could give you for tackling your son's homophobic bullying. Sadly many schools are inadequately unprepared and aren't trained for dealing with these types of issues, so specialist organisations such as Gyro can often be a fantastic resource to take advantage of so that you know the best ways to tackle these types of situations. It's something worth considering if you're feeling a bit unsupported and unsure on how to proceed. :slight_smile:

    You're always welcome to contact me if you have any future concerns. I like to keep myself tuned in to local LGBT resources etc on Merseyside, so I'm always happy to offer any supportive signposting and so forth. :slight_smile:

    Martin.
     
  20. Butterfly16

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    Hi, I just wanted to say I admire you for standing up for your son. I wish my mother were like you.
    last year I was getting told to kill myself every day and started self harming because nobody cared. The teachers never said anything. The dean said she had to hear or see it to do something. My mom never even tried to get the teachers to pay attention. I got stabbed with a pencil and it left a mark for two weeks.

    Has nothing to do with this but I just wanted to say I wish your son the best in life. Bullying needs to be stopped