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Emotional roller coaster

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Cleopatra, Feb 7, 2014.

  1. Cleopatra

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    My 15 year old son finally came out to me last night and what a crazy ride this is for me. I have known for months and tried to leave many doors open, and I guess finally he walked through. It is the answer to so much of his adolescent turmoil. It explains so many things....his insecurities, his not wanting to get too close to anyone ( I know he has been terrified that anyone may find out).... I absolutely have no issues or prejudices except that it just seems such a hard life. No matter how many wonderful and accepting people there are, he will be judged harshly often, and the subject of much prejudice. That just breaks my heart for my beautiful kind loving smart boy. He can't walk down the street holding someone's hand. After a socially awkward and lonely middle school, he iss finally doing so well socially and academically that he can't really "come out". The saddest thing was that after he told me, with big tears, he said" mom please don't bring it up. I thought it's make me feel better to tell you, but it really doesn't." So here I am, happy that he would talk to me, yet so sad. Not that he's gay.....I love him for exactly who he is. I guess I am just processing. I really can't process with anyone---my best friend, my husband, my siblings--- until he is ready for me to. Trying to figure out my next move...... Maybe I will direct him to this website. I am really incredibly relieved that he finally talked to me. All I want is a happy and well adjusted child..
     
  2. setnyx

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    i'm glad your son has you, i know how much it must mean to him. it would have made the world of difference if i had support like that.
     
  3. Kenaria

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    I found this website on my own accord, I think your son would really love it here. There's a wonderful community, great people, opportunities to express yourself and how you feel, as well as chances to discover yourself, others, etc. I'm so glad to hear that you accept your son, It's very tough when they don't.
    And as a young gay who lives mostly closeted, I give you this advice,
    Do not ban your son from spending the night at friends houses. It's very hard for them to explain to their friends why they can not go, especially if they're closeted in school.
    It's really a tough thing to go through.
    When you have to promise your parents that you will not do anything stupid, it really is a humiliating thing.
    But sexuality is a very... sexual thing... knowing that your son is gay, the tables are flipped.
    Don't forbid him from things, it'll only push him to rebel.
    (Just from personal experience, it really sucks to assure your parents you won't give your friends blowjobs...)
     
  4. abandonedsocks

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    Unfortunately, being out and gay, especially while young can produce problems. If he feels he shouldn't, then he knows himself best. Just be sure that you're supportive, which it seems that you really are. Perhaps talk about it with him, or let him know if he's having problems, to come to him. You could direct him here. I do think maybe, depending on the kid, (at least I wish someone told me this) that being gay is... okay, despite the social stigma around it in school. It's fine. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but neither is staying closeted, whatever he is comfortable with. And one thing to remember: you will always be judged for something, not everyone will be happy with who he is, gay straight or in between, so just make sure he is happy, and you are there for him, no matter what he ends up deciding.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    Having the love and support of parents/siblings makes all the difference in the world and you will never know how much it will mean to your Son to have your love and support. Without realising it, your kind reaction has probably done more for his confidence and self esteem in a few minutes than anything else ever will. There are so many kids who get rejected, abandoned and seriously damaged when they reveal their sexuality to parents and siblings, so it's great that you are there for him.

    Yes, he will have tough times as you never stop coming out - every new person you meet throughout your life is a new person to tell and a reaction to be tested, but do you know, the biggest hurdle is always telling your parents. As long as he always has your support and a safe, caring place to call home, he will be fine.
     
  6. casper

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    He doesn't need to have a hard life! Everyday more and more people accept it and I think that in a few years being gay is not something you have to make a big deal of it is just something that is a part of you. From what I read it looks like he hasn't accepted it himself, he knows but he doesn't really accept it ( don't know for sure though) I went trough the exact same thing last year but I told nobody I was gay. I should have because figuring it all out by yourself can be very depressing, I went trough a dark place in my mind before I accepted it. And now that I have I feel so great! As his mother I would not evade the subject, he is who he is and talking about it is good. Don't make a big deal out of it though but just mention it a few times, don't pretend like the conversation never took place because it did. I am sure that once your son finds love he will see the positive side of it and remember being gay means you are a little bit different but that doesn't mean it is a worse life because you just have to find the right people to be around. And I think it a very good idea to introduce him to this site because the support here is just fantastic :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  7. Ettina

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    One thing to keep in mind is that for most LGTB youth, it will get better once they reach adulthood. Teens and preteens tend to be a lot more homophobic than young adults.

    What matters most to a person's happiness isn't how society at large views them. (Unless they're at risk of going to jail or getting assaulted or something like that.) It's how the people close to them see them. You and your husband have a lot of power to make a difference in your son's life, by simply being there for him and giving him unconditional love.
     
  8. casper

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    This is what I tried to say hahaha