Finding it difficult to make male friends

Yes, I have a lot more female friends than male friends.

This is not an issue and you shouldn't be too concerned, but perhaps you could get into a sport more. If you don't like sports then don't force yourself to like them, instead you can talk to school friends perhaps about academic stuff and criticising teachers and so on.

 

I would say find an activity you enjoy and talk to any other guys in the activity. If there aren't any guys, an awesome activity is still gained!

 

I had the same problem when I was your age. All of my friends were female.

Back then guys were in some ways intimidating to me, and I ran into a ton of problems with mixed messages. Teenage hormones and thoughts were running around in my head, making me feel crazy things. A guy would be nice to me momentarily, and I'd start to develop a crush on him, for example. A guy would joke with me the way he jokes with other guy friends, and I'd struggle not to take it personally.

Girls were easier. I didn't feel like I had to work to impress them, and I didn't feel like I had to constantly second guess my actions and thoughts.

There are times I look back, and wonder how much my life would be different had I made slightly different choices. For example, I remember one day being at school and the female friends I normally had lunch with had skipped school with their boyfriends. I was eating lunch alone. Three guys the table across from me invited me to eat lunch with them. I refused.

Ironically, years later I bumped into one of them on a dating site. Turns out he was gay, and had become a male nurse. It's sad to imagine how lonely I was back then, how isolated I felt for being gay (I knew of no one else), and yet I squandered an opportunity to actually meet someone who understood - someone who was going through the same shit I was going through.

It's with the advantage of hindsight that I look back at my teenage years now, and if I had advice for you, it would be this...

It's not about liking sports or not liking sports. People aren't one dimensional like that. You shouldn't fake liking something that you don't simply to make friends, because the truth of the matter is you're in one of the best situations right now to make them.

It's easier for you right now to make friends than perhaps at any other point in your life, because every day you're being pushed into situations with other people through school. You have things in common with the guys at your school, because you share classes with them. You share a lunch room with them. You may even share common female friends with them.

In the end, it's about stepping outside of your comfort zone. It's about putting yourself in a situation where you actually talk to another guy, carry on a conversation, establish something in common, and build a friendship with him as a result. There are any number of ways you can do this, and any number of excuses to strike up the conversation. However, all of them involve you stepping outside of your comfort zone. This is going to be true in high school, and in every other social situation for the entirety of your life.

The fear of being rejected, the constant "What if's..." that play out in your head - they never go away. The key to overcoming them, though, is learning to become comfortable with who you are and be okay with the potential of rejection. Don't set people up on a pedestal, because there is nothing innate about them that makes them any better than you. The worst that can happen is that they reject you, and that's not going to happen as often as you might think. But if it does happen, your life isn't going to end. The world is going to keep on turning. All you need to do is shrug your shoulders, tell them "too bad" and walk away.

The truth of the matter is the overwhelming majority of people suffer from the same fears and insecurities as the rest of us. I can guarantee you that there have been people at your school who've wanted to talk to you, but couldn't work up the courage to do so. Just as I'm sure you've been in a similar situation.

I'm extremely confident that there is a guy somewhere at your school who needs and wants a friend right now. A real friend. But he doesn't have anybody, and he doesn't know how to reach out. Be the one who reaches out, and you're guaranteed to make friends.

 

I am on the same fence as you except I have a difficult time keeping friendships with some girls. Overall, while I do get along with both guys and girls I gravitate towards having more guy friends and a few girls that I am friends with. I think the issue with me being friends with girls is depending on the person they can bring on a lot of drama I do not need especially right now. Also like the previous person said it is difficult to figure out if the person wants to be just friends or more. The reason why I say this is because some girls are really affectionate (many do not know I like girls) and drive me crazy when they want to do the hugging, kissing on the cheek, playfully holding hands. Girls are just odd little creatures to me even though I am one lol. Now I will say that not all girls I know are like this....the ones who aren't I call my friends because well they treat me like a normal friend would-like a friend lol.

I can say I have a difficult time when a girl (who wants to be friends) asks me to go hang out with her. This is partly difficult for me because if its one on one I have a difficult time because I feel this is when people want to talk about the serious stuff. This also gives her room to find out more about me which is tough for me at this point in my life, especially since I don't want that bond at this moment. Luckily, most of the ones who do ask have boyfriends few. On the other end though when and if I do hang out with them I am afraid that they may spot the truth that I like girls because right now I am not ready for everyone to know.

I can give you that I agree with what the other person said. Someone out there is looking for a friend and you may be just the one for him. You just have to talk to guys. I know its easier said than done, but I can tell you it is possible.

Best of luck.

 

I'm in the same situation and really don't know what to do. I'd like to have some male friends. I'm surrounded by girls around.

 

I hung out with girls more so than guys in high school. Now it's more even. I don't really do sports, but I do enjoy working out with a buddy (because it requires no hand-eye coordination ). Plus you know, I like the sports that don't involve running...like bowling, golf, etc. And, not all guys do sports. Some like video games, music/band/choir, drama/play, hiking/camping, nerdy/intellectual stuff, tv and movies. Think of something that interests you, or a new thing you'd like to try and go for it. Don't stop until you find at least one guy friend and let us know how it went!

 

I near exclusively only talk/ hang out with girls as well with few exceptions. I simply dislike all the males in my school and find them to be rude, immature and annoying in general. Plus I simply fit in with girls better/ relate. After observing the male's form of communication I have concluded that these are some introductions the species commonly uses:

"So, how 'bout 'dem sports teams?"

"Dure. I got so drunk at that party last night."

"Yo."

They are a fascinating and misunderstood creature, do investigate further :3

 

I have a good balance of male and female friends to be honest, but then, that could be because I'm 'not out', I'm also not camp at all so that probably explains why I get on with straight guys so well.

I'll be your friend though haha

Also, good for you for liking Iceland! I may be moving out there soon because I'm kinda obsessed with it too!

 

I definitely have more cis hetero guy friends.

It's not really about liking sports or not liking sports. Hetero cis guys aren't one-dimensional people - they are complex and into different stuff just like you and I.

Television shows, movies, music, hobbies, games, and academic interests are all things that you can share in common with people, to name a few. I know I've got to know people better just by watching a show like Game of Thrones with them.

Stereotypes don't really do anybody a service as they have been repeatedly been shown as false in my experience. Men are always expected by society to shy away from emotional or deeper social issues within their friendships with other men. Simply said, this expectation is ridiculous, and often simply not true. I have had deep, emotional conversations with many straight men.

Learn to embrace people's differences and share genuine interests with them. That's a recipe for a good friendship regardless of gender or sexual orientation

 

I had the same problem between the ages of 15 and 20/21 (which, accidentally, is when I lost my virginity to a man).

I attended a high school where 95% were girls, so it's no wonder most of my friends were girls. Plus I couldn't care less for football and I didn't want to pretend to be straight by commenting girls' boobs. In those years, though, I made a couple of very good male friends, who today are still my best friends. I can't tell you what changed exactly, but by the time I was 23 this thing died completely.

I still can't bond with wannabe alpha males who only talk about pussy and football, though. I can handle a conversation about pussy pretty well, but I'm totally lost and lacking interest when it comes to football. On the same page, I really can't stomach an afternoon with girls talking about fashion and hairstyles.

What I can tell you (from my experience) is that during teenage years boys have to prove to themselves and to the rest of the world that they are manly men, so that also influences their choice of topics and activities. When you get older and overcome this phase, people are just people and you naturally bond with those you share common interests with. Now in my closest circle of friends, boys outnumber girls. So, things change

 

Well, I wouldn't say that is really a factor other than being able to blend in because I'm also non-stereotypical yet I still get along with girls a lot better. :icon_redf It's always been a bit odd...I have some guy friends, but it's a lot easier for me to make girl friends, which I have a lot more of. My interests tend to line up more with the stereotypical guy yet I am able to connect easier with girls/women.

It's still this way for me as well. I can be out somewhere and if a random group of girls is nearby and starts talking to me, after a brief moment of awkwardness I can talk back with little issue. Swap that with a group of guys(they don't even have to be talking to me, but sitting nearby) and I feel uncomfortable/nervous as hell.

I think some others above have given some nice tips. Instead of trying to fake any interests, maybe try joining some things that revolve around any interests you may have and you can likely make some guy friends in the process who you can relate to(by being there in the first place).

 

Not every male is into sports. Though I liked sports and played them they aren't the reason I had male friends.

All my male friends were ridiculously stupid funny, and were always joking around, I was really funny, so I had mainly male friends. None of us really bonded over sports, though I played hockey with two of my best friends, that again had nothing to do with us being friends. We just liked being around eachother. My one best friend who is the only one that knows I am gay, actually started playing hockey because of me, and I taught him how to skate. So he was the "gay" one.

All guys are different, so I am sure there are guys you can find that have similar interests to you. But don't try to force a relationship either, you don't wanna fake enjoying sports,and bond over something you don't like.

I'm sure you could find music, or humour to bond. Humour is the number one thing I use to bond with anyone. And find any male is willing to hang out with someone that makes them laugh. Look at Graham Norton or whatever his name is from England, so many guys think he is hillarious. And he is one of the girliest gays on t.v, but he still is able to connect with everyone. Don't beat yourself up over connecting with girls, it's still friendship.

There are also other gay males obviously you can be friends with.

 

I had the exact same problem, except that it was exacerbated by the fact that school and society here, in general, is strictly segregated, so having female friends is still seen as immoral and will get you into trouble.. My advice is that you shouldn't force yourself into liking typical male activities and topics, if there's no homosexuals or males you can relate to at school, then try finding friends outside school or ask your female friends if they have male friends they know who will get along well with you.

 

My friends in HS were the "geeky" types... None of us played sports or did any of the typical "macho guy" stuff. In looking back, oddly, I was the one who went camping, rebuilt car engines, was into more man's man stuff. I am the only gay one out of our group. Since we are in our late 30s now, most have families and honestly our bonds haven't changed at all.

Thing is....I wish I had a more balanced group growing up. I look back and see that I had the opportunity to make friends with girls on a platonic level and it would have been fine. For me, the interests were simply never there that bonded us together in a meaningful way.

As far as your situation goes, I wouldn't worry about it. You like who you like. The people you bond with now, some will leave you and some you will know the rest of your life. The stories and times you share together, you will cherish the rest of your life.

 

I have no friends, but I used to be relatively popular, albeit amongst an unusual crowd. I've found the best thing to do is to just be yourself, and then the people who want to be your friends will come to you. Even if you don't get any male friends, it's better than trying to change yourself to attract people. You won't enjoy being around them if you can't be yourself to them.

 

I've got the same problem, I never used to be popular or have all that many friends, but I did have a few close guy friends during school. They didn't last that long (longest was about 5 years) but it was good having male friends. During high school, I didn't really have many friends and the ones I still talk to are girls. Any new friends I've managed to make are girls, apart from 2 gay guys I speak to. I'm not sure why this is, I've always wanted more guy friends but I can never seem to connect.

I think once I completely realised I was gay, I stayed away with guys because I didn't want to get found out/made fun of/feel uncomfortable - not sure if that makes sense. It's only recently once I started working with guys again that I feel comfortable talking to them but I'm still a fair way off the friend stage.

 

I have the same problem as the OP. I guess it's because I don't really try, but there's always opportunities to make new friends in the future, so there's that.

 

I agree with what people above said, and that's definitely what I'm going through (the gist of it, at least, not segregation), but another "problem" may be that you've come out as gay. When I told an acquaintance that my friend has come out as gay, he said "So he hits on you? That must be awkward." Boys might assume you're interested in them or have a crush on them because you're gay and might kind of avoid you.