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Before You Echo "Amen"

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by bulbul, May 11, 2014.

  1. bulbul

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    I wanted to share this wonderful quote by Mary Griffith, who lost her gay son Bobby Griffith after he committed suicide, an important lesson for everyone.

    "Homosexuality is a sin. Homosexuals are doomed to spend eternity in hell. If they wanted to change, they could be healed of their evil ways. If they would turn away from temptation, they could be normal again if only they would try and try harder if it doesn't work. These are all the things I said to my son Bobby when I found out he was gay. When he told me he was homosexual my world fell apart. I did everything I could to cure him of his sickness. Eight months ago my son jumped off a bridge and killed himself. I deeply regret my lack of knowledge about gay and lesbian people. I see that everything I was taught and told was bigotry and de-humanizing slander. If I had investigated beyond what I was told, if I had just listened to my son when he poured his heart out to me I would not be standing here today with you filled with regret. I believe that God was pleased with Bobby's kind and loving spirit. In God's eyes kindness and love are what it's all about. I didn't know that each time I echoed eternal damnation for gay people each time I referred to Bobby as sick and perverted and a danger to our children. His self esteem and sense of worth were being destroyed. And finally his spirit broke beyond repair. It was not God's will that Bobby climbed over the side of a freeway overpass and jumped directly into the path of an eighteen-wheel truck which killed him instantly. Bobby's death was the direct result of his parent's ignorance and fear of the word gay. He wanted to be a writer. His hopes and dreams should not have been taken from him but they were. There are children, like Bobby, sitting in your congregations. Unknown to you they will be listening as you echo "amen" and that will soon silence their prayers. Their prayers to God for understanding and acceptance and for your love but your hatred and fear and ignorance of the word gay, will silence those prayers. So, before you echo "amen" in your home and place of worship. Think. Think and remember a child is listening."
     
  2. Chip

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    Thanks for posting this.

    Mary Griffith is an amazing woman. For those who don't make the connection, she is the mother in "Prayers for Bobby", which is a true story. She continues to work with PFLAG to help other chidren avoid the fate of her own child.
     
  3. Mirko

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    Thanks for sharing.
     
  4. resu

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    That is really a beautiful and moving quote.
     
  5. all paths

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    Oh my gosh, that's amazing. :tears:

    I'm going to keep that forever.

    Thank you.
     
  6. biAnnika

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    Wow...yes...awesome. Thank you.
     
  7. White Knight

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    OP:

    You sing beautiful tunes like your name sake. :slight_smile:

    Thanks for sharing and reminding us those beautiful words.
     
  8. Ebro1122

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    That story made me cry. Here's to you Bobby. :frowning2:
     
  9. Ravi-VIXX777

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    Your not the only one. I needed this movie and I don't even watch Lifetime!
     
  10. Emberblaze

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    I still haven't watched this movie... I don't think I can handle it. This quote nearly made me lose it....
     
  11. Emulator

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    Thank you for posting this.

    A devastating incident, but Mary Griffith turns it around for good. She has the courage to face her loss and help others, and that is truly amazing.
     
  12. Hiems

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    Thank you for sharing this quote.
     
  13. Jethro702

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    Thanks for sharing this, I still need to watch the movie myself... I think Ill cry like a baby.
     
  14. Radioactive Bi

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    I'm sorry, but am I supposed to admire someone just because they learned their lesson after they drove their child to suicide.

    I don't see any nobility in this at all. I doesn't matter how poetic it may seem. Is this supposed to show some regret or apology. That won't give her son his life back.

    I'm sorry but I hold no sympathy for those who use their religion do drive people to do this. I know I may seem bitter, but value the lost life of the child over the mums hurt feelings and lessons she shouldn't have had to have learnt. She should have known better...

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  15. flymetothemoon

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    Nobody is suggesting that we admire the poor decisions she made before. What they are suggesting is that many people admire the courage she has to stand up and admit she messed up and try to help people who are in the situation she was in before understand. I get what you are saying about she should have known better, and I can respect your opinion not to see any reason to admire someone who made the choices she did, but as someone who really struggled with my identity based on the way I was raised, I can see where she is coming from. She truly didn't know better. She had been taught one thing for so long, and this challenged everything she had been taught. She thought she was doing the right thing, helping her son stay on the right path as she had been taught. She can't give her son's life back. Nothing she ever says or does will change the fact that he committed suicide, likely at least largely in part due to the fact that his own family could not accept him. However, she is using her story to try and stop this from happening to another child, and that is the part that many admire. She could instead keep quiet and say nothing, or she could keep believing that she did the right thing and this was a punishment to him because of him being gay. Instead, she took it as a wake up call. She has seen that she did something she shouldn't have, and is trying to help those who don't know what they are doing.
     
  16. Radioactive Bi

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    A well thought response. I like your way of thinking. I don't want anyone here to think I'm malicious or unforgiving. I just like to see a bit more thought and reasoning on something like this rather than just touting in how brave she isn't giving no thought to the fact it doesn't change heat she did.

    I certainly don't deny the message and the validity of her statement. I just don't think she deserves admiration for it. If someone said these things to my children and drove them to suicide, I certainly wouldn't be forgiving even if they went around telling their story to stop it happening again.

    I understand she says she didn't know better due to her religion. But to be honest, I'm fed up if people hiding behind their religion as an excuse for their actions. I'm just sorry her child had to pay the ultimate price for her ignorance.

    Anyway, I like your response and you make a lot if good points. This is why I like this forum. We can have good discussions and discuss opposing points of view in a friendly way.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  17. bulbul

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    Humans make mistakes, even horrible ones, but it's been my own personal experience that most people who do horrible mistakes will deny any wrong doing afterwards, no matter how bad the results of their shameful acts are. The issue isn't whether or not Mary Griffith had wronged her child which she openly admits, it's what she did to find atonement. Mary Griffith can't reverse her son's terrible fate, but she did play an active role in preventing other children from sharing her son's tragic end, her lack of understanding might have caused her son's misery, but her bravery and desire to make it right probably saved so many other lives as well, that's atonement if I have ever seen it.
     
  18. biggayguy

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    Bobby's story touched me very deeply. Like him I had a very religious mother. Like him I tried very hard to act straight. Like him I've attempted suicide. Watching this movie I realized that calling myself bisexual was just another form of denial. I do get that there are true bisexuals. I'm just not one of them. There are also a few Christians that do not judge but they are the minority.
     
  19. Gates

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    I saw the film and it broke my heart. When I was in college, a boy my age killed himself in a parking lot after being thrown out by his parents for being gay.

    How can anyone look into the eyes of another human being, much less a child, and condemn them for love? I cannot fathom this and yet it exists. :frowning2:
     
  20. Daydreamer1

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    The movie is fantastic and it never fails to make me shed a tear. I hope that this wakes up some parents who have LGBT kids. Love them, don't shun them.