Please don't ask this.

Omg! I feel the same way! So many people ask "how do you know you like both if you've never had a relationship with either?" B**** how the hell do you know you straight if you ain't ever had a relationship either?!

 

Don't worry I feel you. I get super annoyed too. People can't wrap their heads around these kinds of things. Just goes to show how narrow minded and fearful our society is. The audacity that people question my attractions because it's not "standard"...pffft!

 

Part of why some people ask the question is because of their own inability to understand why you aren't like them. For instance if you are male and like females. It's a bit like saying "how do you know you don't like vanilla ice cream until you have tried it?" I've never had any "encounters" with a girl. (Haven't even kissed one in 39 years)... I can say that there are times when I wonder if maybe I should just to silence the thought in my head. I have no attraction to females at all. It simply doesn't work on any level for me.

But it sounds like you are both a bit angry over something that is a simple inquiry. Granted, it's a poorly worded, borderline offensive question. But without a frame of reference to build on, it is simply that their relationship with the opposite sex has been pleasurable for them and they simply don't understand why you don't understand, understand?

 

I dont think most people are trying to be rude when they ask questions, they really just dont know. Your parents just dont understand, its something different than what they know. Its ok for them to ask questions. Please try not to take offense. I'm a parent and when my son came out to me I was pretty supportive right off the bat, however, as days went on I had a few ligitimate quetions. He was very helpful and supportive to me as well. He kind of took on the parental role for awhile, he kept checking on me and asking me if I was ok. I really appreciated that. I couldnt help it that I was a dummy. If your parents seem like they dont know how to ask questions, it isnt because they mean to be rude, they really dont know. It will be ok. Please try to help them a little. (*hug*)

 

I hate this, because experience proves nothing. If you're gay, you can have a gay sexual experience and hate it, but it doesn't mean you're not gay. Maybe they weren't the right person, maybe you need to feel emotional feelings to enjoy sex, maybe they weren't very good in bed, or they weren't your 'type'. And so on...

Whenever someone asks me this I always have to respond "How do you know you're straight if you've never been with anyone?"

I just find some questions inappropriate to ask. I don't understand heterosexuality one bit, and I might have a straight kid one day- but I know I shouldn't be too intrusive like this.

 

I can relate this is how my friends treated me when I came out as lesbian to them , have you done anything with men is always the question

 

literalmerida, I understand what you mean by the way they are asking and trying to prove to you that you are not gay. I would suggest that you start seeking out a lot more support from other sources such as PFLAG and ususally colleges have gay groups. Even if your not attending that college, you can email or call to find out who is president of their gay club and email that person asking for guidance. You need all the support you can get but you have to do the foot work and find it. Maybe the president of that group would be willing to meet you for coffee or something and maybe introduce you to a few other members that are willing to be of support. At first my husband and I thought our son might be confused ( we had really good reasons for it). He has high functioning autism (Aspergers). He is extremely intelligent, it isnt that, we just thought since Aspies stuggle with social things that maybe he just was confused lol. But of course he wasnt, we asked him a few times and explained why we thought that and he was very mature and understanding about it and just simply answered no Im not confused but I know what you mean mom. He was completely understanding and very helpful.

 

How old was he when he came out? I have asperger's too, and I was young when I came out but I understand why you would think that too since I went through sexuality 'phases' until I understood my real one at age 19.

 

I'm 18 and bisexual, so some people (not my family) would think I was going through a phase or some ridiculous BS. I had been asked the same question you made this thread about. I honestly wondered if they thought I was daft, if I wasn't sure of my sexuality I wouldn't have come out. I've hear people say that bisexuals are: taking a pit stop on the trip to gay town, transitioning to being gay, straight and trying to look cool, just horny, all cheaters, and my personal favorite, we don't exist. There are literally people who think there is no such thing as a real bisexual, and we are all "posers". I would say those are all things you shouldn't say. I don't even like to describe myself as bisexual because of all these misconceptions.

Other things not to say would be:
Trans women are men
Trans men are women
Being gay is a lifestyle choice.

There are literally no excuses for saying these things.

 

Oh, I should also add that I think if straight people don't understand homosexuality (And this applies to bisexuality and trans people too), It's okay to ask questions.

HOWEVER

I think there's a difference between an actual curious question and a tactless question.

For example, (And this is as a warning for any straight parents here), when you have a question, take it and switch it around to apply the same thing to straight people. If you would feel offended by a gay person asking you this, don't ask it. If you don't see the big deal with answering it, go ahead and ask it, just be tactful.

One example, "How long have you known you were gay?" is not offensive to me, It's just curiosity. If I were to ask "How long have you known you were straight?" most straight people would just casually answer it saying "My whole life, since I entered puberty, etc". See? There's no assumptions, insensitivity, or hurt feelings there because it doesn't involve shoving a certain sexuality on someone and just asking about their experiences.

But It's another thing when you ask "How do you know you're gay if you've never been with the opposite sex?"
If I were to ask "How do you know you're straight if you're never been with the same sex?" a straight person would get offended and assume I'm forcing homosexuality on them, so a gay person is gonna react the same way.

Another thing I should add: Sexual questions are almost never okay UNLESS you are educating your child on safe sex and STD's.

So it is something you have to think about if you are going to bombard someone with questions. Most people don't mind being asked questions if you're curious. I don't mind at ALL. It just depends on how the question is worded and how insensitive it sounds.

 

Yeah, I think more than none, parents who "don't agree" try to manipulate answers out of you. Basically trying to put so many "what ifs" that you can't answer with a true experience, and then they claim if you don't know, you can't be sure if you're gay.

 

He is 18 yrs old and came out to me this last Sept. He said that he knew for at least a yr and a half, Im pretty sure thats what he said. You see, we were worried just at first that if he really was confused that could really mess with someones head. And it is really true that some people suffer from HOCD and it's a terrible thing. We knew for sure within about a week that he wasnt confused at all. He was very helpful and understanding because we explained to him exactly why we asked if he was sure. He knew we werent disrespecting him. How old were you when you were diagnosed with Aspergers? I dont think I can send private messages yet since Im not a member yet. Thanks ttyl