Straight transgender husband?

Re: Christian Transgender Husband

Just wanted to say that you are an amazing, loving woman and that I sincerely wish that more wives could be this accepting of their wives' trans identities. My ex-wife and I terminated our marriage a year ago (for reasons completely unrelated to my gender identity--I was in the closet) and I know for certain that she never would have been this sympathetic and accepting had I outed myself to her. Someone somewhere should be proud to have such an incredibly caring and selfless woman for a daughter. :eusa_clap

 

Re: Christian Transgender Husband

I don't have any personal experience to relate but I think you might find this blog interesting to read.

Permission to Live

It's written by the wife of a transgender husband and it describes their journey towards transition and how it has affected their marriage and their faith. I believe the Brave New Life posts are mostly about this.

I hope it may be a good resource for you.

 

Welcome to the EC, Soul.

You are in a delicate situation... at least for me so I will avoid giving advice.

I will ask some questions tho. To me it is best way to lead someone to solutions, not by your truth but by their own reasoning by make them question the situation from different point of view.

You are wonderful person for thinking about your husband and family despite being in a tough spot. You are so right your hubby will need someone to lean on to while coming out. Your kids will need something/someone solid while accepting/rejecting their father to hold on to.

What about you? What about Silent Soul?

Are you ready to sacrifice your future for a man who could not be able to turn your love as you wanted/dreamed in the future?

What's your husband's plan for future? Where he puts you in those plans?

Will you be able to love a woman? At least a man in woman's body?

Do you really think you should stay committed to support him? There is no way for you to stay in his life while building your own future?

I hope I didn't offend you. I understand you love your husband but what I am trying to say is sometimes love just ain't enough...

Hope you can find your way. Hugs.

 

Hi

My first husband whom I'm split from 14 years back came out as transgender last year. The reason we split had nothing to do with this as this was many years later. We have two kids together. Ok, we are not together but we are now friends. It was a shock to me and his sons when he came out as gay and then two months later transgender. But the boys have taken it well they are 18 and 15. It did take our 15 year old a few months to want to see his dad as a women but he is coming to terms with it now and has spent a few days with (her). A lot of family and friends don't accept it at all but well (she) is happy now in life and really living the life that she wants now. She has been on hormone therapy for a good few months now and is waiting for the pre-op assessment and then will go for the op when she can. Like White Knight has asked, I too am wondering where you fit in your husbands future plans? What about you? Its great that you are there for your husband that is fantastic for you both and also for your kids. I am here if you would like to talk more. xx

 

You sound like you are conflicted with the morals of sexual relations more than accepting your husband's gender.

You even said you both love each other.

Start with that. Love is strong and it will lead you on the right path whatever that may be.

 

Welcome to EC.

You said that you love you husband, as said earlier start with that. You sound like you are wrestling with the moral and religious convictions of this, I am guessing that your husband might be as well. There is the verse Genesis 1:27

If you believe this verse to be true, then God created your husband this way, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with it. This is not some "religious test" though depending on how religious your area is, some might say that. But you love your husband and you want to stay with them, and that is what counts.

If you want to live a life a celibacy you can, but do not feel like you have to. It is your guys choice to live a life of celibacy or not. You can still cuddle and kiss and do everything that you did before, it is just going to take some getting used to. Don't let anyone tell you that it is wrong or sinful. It is your life, how on Earth would they know what is going on in guys head and heart. In addition, it is still possible to do all of this and remain Christians, I would recommend attending an Open and Affirming Church though. You can get a lot of great information about them at Gaychurch.org. I included the link.

This can be a difficult life for both of you. I am dating someone who is trans. He is Female to Male, and I love him, but at times it is difficult, especially with how people view it, but we can get past that, and so can you. Your husband needs your support right now, and you your husbands.

If you want to, you can tell your husband about this site, and you can ask the staff to ride any posts that you made about your husband if you do not want your husband to see them.

Also know that if you need to talk we are here for you. There are multiple different threads and forums that can be helpful for you two, and know that we are here for you both. In addition, if you some specific questions, about your husbands transitions, forum rules, policies and such, or any question for that manner, but do not feel comfortable posting so everyone here can see them, you can post in the Ask The Staff area, and then only you can the staff members can see what is posted there, and only in your specific thread.

 

about the only advise that i can give is Jesus never denounced same sex marriage. He gave us a new covenant "Love each other as I have Loved You" some say this is the eleventh Commandment. you love your husband who wants to be your wife who loves you, Love is Love. when the centurion came to Jesus and asked for Him to heal the centurion's slave boy ( who we can infer was his congenital partner) Jesus only said bring me to him. He did not condemn when he was presented with same sex love. Can we do any less with those we truly love?

 

Hey there silent soul.

As you're already aware, this is going to be a long journey for the both of you. So it's probably best to take everything one step at a time, and handle it openly as it comes.

It's wonderful that you're both so in love! I hope that you two will continue to support each other throughout your husband's transition from male to female, in the best ways that you can. And I do mean the both of you - while your husband is going to be going through a lot with her transition, and will need a lot of love and support, you'll need just as much love and support as she does, so make sure not to neglect yourself! Some couples do eventually find that it's better to part ways even if they are in love, and some stay together. Whatever paths you two take, I wish you all the best. You seem to have a wonderful partnership.

It's normal that you feel some sadness when you consider the changes that your husband is going to go through. Most of these changes will be gradual.

Let's talk more about your kids. How old are they? Have you thought about how you're going to tell them? I'm assuming that as a Christian family, you've been bringing your kids up with morals that include tolerance and kindness and respect. It might be good to reaffirm these.

 

I don't know what to say Soul. I just admire your dedication to your family.

Your 13yo might ask the hardest question... "If he always felt as woman inside why did he married with you?"... Children more addicted to logic than us grown ups. We learn to accept things as they are but they need to put things on solid ground before accepting them.

We are here to listen and share your problems you know... assuming with your religious questions you can't talk it freely with your real life friends.

May God give you strength to face what coming to your way.

 

just on this last paragraph, you NEED to think of YOU and take care of YOURSELF this is not selfishness it is necessary for you, your kids and your spouse. i also feel that you need to have a serious talk with your spouse to the effect that while you are doing everything to support this transition you need support too and it is important that they support you too. i did the "im a rock" thing and it ended badly, for me for her and for the family (note that this was not related to LGBT issues) but the effect was the same or similar.

 

Love is a powerful thing. I don't have any experience from the non-trans side of things, but I'm a transgender guy married to a straight man. I came out to him, and I was so afraid he'd leave me. He's only attracted to women, so being married to a man, I thought, would be hard for him. It was rough for a while, but eventually, things got easier. I'm glad you two are so in love. I will give you some advice my husband gave me though: "Sometimes you have to figure out what you can live with and what you can't." I think you and your spouse need to talk very seriously and openly about this.

 

This is exactly the type of thinking that forces people to 'hide' their true selves from those they love.

The 'bold/strikeout sentences are entirely unnecessary, hurtful, and even cruel things to say to anyone struggling with sexuality or gender issues or to those close to said people who are trying to understand their place in all of that.

 

Sorry you found those offensive Adia. However I am not directing those words to person who is questioning their sexuality... they can do whatever they want and on their own terms...

I was trying to lead Soul to think questions which I thought she was avoiding. Self sacrifice/Martyr Mary situation is forced on us, carved in our brains as a noble thing to do, preferable choice if you want to be good wife/boy/christian or whatnot.

Real life doesn't work like that. Bad decisions lead to regret. Regret leads to frustration. Frustration leads to depression which results in broken people.