General: Coming out to Mother Vs Father

My parents were equally accepting, but yet you make a good point because I remember being afraid to come out to my Dad. I came out to mom at 14 (when I first knew), but with Dad? Took me until I was 20....

 

Well, I came out as questioning to my dad far before my mom, because dad is in a relationship with someone who lived 20 years as lesbian, so he kinda had to be accepting of those things.

 

I assumed that my Father would be less accepting and thus came out to my Mother first. But they both surprised me--especially my Father. I think coming out actually brought me closer to my father. He had always sensed there was something about me he couldn't quite understand and to be honest I think he was relieved to find that was all it was--plus I think he really admired the courage involved in coming out. Never underestimate how much upbringing and socialization can be toppled in a moment by the love a parent feels for a child.

 

I haven't come out to my parents yet, but when (if) I ever do, I would definitely come out to my father before my mother. My father is a calmer person and would be better equipped to receive the news. He might need some time to process the fact that I'm gay, but I believe he'd still see me the same way. I'm worried about how my mother would react.
In general, I believe most people would turn to their mother rather than their father due to established parenting roles in our society. Mother is the compassionate caregiver who "loves us no matter who we are or what we do," and Father is the one who sets rules and provides punishment for poor behavior. If you were raised by parents who fit this standard, you would certainly come out to the parent who represents love and acceptance, not restriction and pain.

 

I haven't come out but I would definitely feel more comfortable telling my mom than my dad

 

I'm actually afraid of coming out to my mom! I came out to my dad and he was 100% accepting, it's brought us closer together witch is exactly what we needed.

 

This is tough...

I think my father could handle it, but I know he'd be crushed. He would accept it, but then he'd probably stay out of my life, the little he already is in it. That would totally seal me away from my father's side of the family, because he's my only link to them.

My mother, would probably handle the sexuality aspect well, but she'd need a few minutes to process it.

The gender-issue, mmm, that one, she might have a harder time swallowing. While I don't think she'd throw a chair at me, kick me out of her life, or splash Holy Water on me, she would want to give me a rough time about it, because she's insensitive to things she has no experience in or with. I know, when she spent time in rehab, when I was much younger, she would always speak well of her fellow patients. Some of which were openly homosexual, and she even still talks to one of them, but only once every few years. She watches Ellen, and gives off a supportive vibe, when she speaks of her and her life. I've even heard her disagree with a pastor she had before, about homosexuality.

I'd be alive, but my life would increasingly taxing. However, I do drop hints, whenever various topics come up. I know the idea has crossed their minds, but around here, it seems to be a heterosexual-until-proven-whatever else mentality.

 

I can only speak for my situation and don't want to stereotype gender roles. I told my mom and was less fearful to tell my mom just because we've always had a more open relationship. Growing up my mom would talk more to me about what I was feeling She always made a point to actually tell me that she would accept her kids no matter what and ensured we all felt loved. I always had a good relationship with my dad and know he loves me but conversations were/are always more superficial (sports ,weather/ work). Just made it easier to talk to my mom.

 

I dont think I will ever find the courage to come out to my father

 

I actually fear coming out to my mother more than my father. He wouldn't be happy about it, but I think he would react calmly at least. My mother, on the other hand, would be freaking out and shouting and calling grandma and everyone on the phone to share the awful news. I also fear that if I ever get a girlfriend and she finds out, she'll try to break us up. She's very controlling and she thinks she knows what's best for me.

 

I came out to my mother first. I've always been closer with her in general, as my father has and does work a lot and wasn't there as much when I was growing up, so I felt more comfortable with telling her as she always made a point in letting me know I could come and talk to her about anything. With my dad, we just don't talk about "deep" stuff, I guess you could say.

I love my Dad, I do, and it wasn't that I thought he'd disapprove, but I just had the impression that he is less...open-minded? I couldn't bring myself to come out to him, so my Mum did instead. Apparently the first thing he said was "does she have a girlfriend?" so he obviously was much more okay with it than I thought he would be.

I'm sure for some people it just depends on which parent you're closest with, but I too have noticed that in general, the majority are more worried about their father's reaction than their mother's...

But I have to say, even though I came out to her, and couldn't to my dad, I was actually more worried about what my mum would think, than my dad. Probably because I'm so close with her and I kept it from her for so long. Not to mention she can be a little overprotective...

 

I'm honestly more scared to tell my mom. She is very VERY religious, and devout. We've had conversations about what she would do if I was gay, and the answers varied, but acceptance wasn't ever one of them.

 

^This for the same reasons. My dad seems to be less concerned whether his children turn out to be gay. I think his tolerance stemmed from the fact that his brother is gay but I could be wrong. He seems a lot more laid back and focuses more on a person's character rather than who they love. That being said, in my coming out letter to both my parents, I even included it in the letter and seeing how my both my parents reacted to the news, my hunch was rather correct. When my parents confronted me, my dad sort of acted like "Okay, I'm here" whilst my mom did all the talking and scolding. Not to mention, he didn't cut me off, fiscally, like my mom did.

 

well, my mom FORCED me to come out, so I didn't have a choice.

I haven't told my dad yet though for a few reasons. For one, he's like my buddy. Our conversations are mostly about his coding and his bike riding, or my frustrations with my school's policies—not anything deep and emotional.

Plus, my dad could barely handle it when my older brother (at 18) was having straight monogamous sex. So for his other kid to be gay? He'd immediately associate me with sex (because unfortunately people immediately go to that when they hear gay) and I feel like his mind would just explode. I don't even have a girlfriend, but I know it'd freak him out.

Also he was raised in a conservative town in arkansas so. . . you never know. I've tried bringing up gay topics in the past to see if I can get a feeling but literally he just ignores whatever I say about it.

If my mom hadn't forced me (still pissed about it), I would have come out to her first. We're not very close, but she for the most part understands stuff. Plus she's always been very pro LGBTQ+ so I'd have known that she'd be cool with it.

 

I never came out to my father, he passed away when I was sixteen. But sometimes, I think he might have known, considering how I had little to no interest in guys,and my room had women predominantly on my walls. Rarely talked about guys.

My mom, I tried at sixteen hinting at it, she brushed it off saying I hadn't met the right guy yet. Or that it was a phase. So I elected to wait, despite hinting at bisexual in multiple journal entries between ages seventeen and nineteen, even as recent as 23. Most times, she kept asking if I was gay, because of the posters and pictures I had on my walls. But her tone was really patronizing and so I would say no out of fear. Came out to myself at 18 as questioning, but never said anything to my mom fully until about two years ago. She took the first time not seriously at all, claimed I was going through a phase,etc. Same stuff she did when I was a teen. So I waited and tried to come out again a year later when I dated my ex, and by then it turned out she had some homophobia. Wouldn't let me tell people, was rude about her and refused to meet her. My ex wasn't the best, she wasn't healthy for me to be involved with. My current girlfriend is the complete opposite of my ex and I've introduced her as my girlfriend to my mom. But, my mom refuses to acknowledge her as my girlfriend, calls her my friend constantly to everyone else. She's constantly worried about what others think, I could tell the one day when I found out my great aunt deleted me on Facebook and the first words out of her mouth was that she asked me if I still had "gender issues" and that my great aunt was supposedly homophobic. I was shocked because this was the harshest of her words that she's used. I've stopped coming out to her because my counselor told me that I should just focus on me, and maybe she'll come around. I don't see her doing so anytime soon. Right now, I'd have to say she's in heavy denial. She's the type that thinks LGBT should keep it to themselves, and not be out about it.

 

I Have come out to my mum but not to my dad yet I think he would be fine with it

 

i intended to come out to them at the same time, but i gave my latter to my mom, who gave it to my dad a few days later. so.

my relationship with my dad is very chill, and we don't really discuss anything other than hockey, game of thrones, my dog, chemistry jokes, and school/work. that isn't to say that we have a bad relationship, it's just that we are both relaxed, passive, and awkward. my mother, on the other hand, is much more opinionated, assertive, etc. so i tend to talk to her more about drama amongst my friends, people, etc. she has also been more active in communications with my schools/teachers (especially when i was younger and my schools voiced their concerns about my mental health). for that reason, it's easier to talk about personal things with my mom, i find.

 

That depends on society perhaps?

In here roles seems to be reserved. I hear more stories about unaccepting mothers. In some ways it is very very hard to understand Turkish women.

Not very different in my family as well. When I joked about possiblity of being gay, mom told me she would kill me with her bare hands.

On the other hand I lost my father at the age of 10. He somehow learned who I am and only thing he said about it was "I'm afraid for you". At the age of 8/9 I couldn't give it any meaning but as the years go by I understood him perfectly.

 

For me, my mom seems more interested in people's emotions than my dad, who seems more interested in analyzing everyone's character.

My dad never ever talks about it; but my mom asks me about my personal life. My dad is incredibly uncomfortable with it. I think he'd rather I just treat my personal life as a supplement to career development: he wants me to just be successful and along the way meet a quality guy get married have kids move on. My mom recognizes that it's a bigger part of life, and has asked me if I want her to pay for a Jdate subscription, asked me to explain to her what it means to not be totally gay or totally straight. She's opened the dialogue because she knows I just want to be happy and that I need to figure this out to be happy; my dad seems to think that it's silly and unnecessary.

That's just my parents, tho.