Calling all Parents from a closeted lesbian daughter

My first thought is, congrats on taking this step

Next I think maybe tell mom however you planned (my default is a letter) and then ask her opinion about dad.

just my 2 cents

 

Hi, Im a mom and our son came out to us this last Sept. He is our only child and things are good between all of us. For our situation I think it came out just perfectly, however its still emotional. My son and I were talking in the kitchen after school and it was a great conversation because I was checking in with him on how things were going. I got to my question about how his feelings and thoughts were about if he was getting interested in girls yet, not that I wanted him to but just checking in incase he needed to share anything and needed support. Boom! Thats when it came out. Our mood was already on a high note, we both were excited to be having our conversation and connecting so really for me that was good. I think it was important for me looking back that he told me in person and not a note for different reasons. In person I could seen his genuine fear, anxiety, honesty, openest, and so therfore I could truely appreciate how important it was to him and how much courage it took for him to tell me. It made me extremely proud of him for having the courage and maturity to stand there and share everything with me. Was I angry, no, was I disapointed, no, did I have wierd emotions, yes. He wanted to know when we should tell dad. I asked him if he wanted me to tell him or did he want to. He wanted me to, so I did. His dad and him are very close. His dad is not or never was against people that are gay. But, still it hit him harder than me and I think its just because hes a man. It took us about a month to process our emotions. It was weird, our son kind of took the parent role for a while. He would check in on me and ask how I was doing and hug me, I know awesome huh. Now his dad just doesnt think anything of it at all. Remember, our situation was a good situation, no other stressers here like in your family and it was still emotional. I think that you should tell your mom first and alone but I think if you have a good conversation just about how things have been going for you and keep it on a high note that would be best. This is not a bad or sad thing, its just something you want to share with your parents. Let them go through their emotions and hang back a bit. If you think that your dad will come unglued or something, make sure you have plenty of support waiting before you tell them. My son went to his school counselor, or if you have friends from school that can be supportive please let them know before hand what your plans are. I suggest you meet with your school counselor first and after, for one its free and private but I think it would be best to have a professional to go to as well as friends. (*hug*)

 

I agree with Turtlemom. If you are comfortable talking to your mom and you think you two are close, then go for it and talk only to her first. It'll help you in two ways.. 1. it will give you confidence if you talk to someone who supports you and understand you, it'l make you more strong about your decision... Getting negative reactions on the first discussion might hold you back and make you go low on your self-confidence. 2. I'm sure your mom would know your Dad better and understands him better and would know how to handle this and talk it out with him for you.. I'm sure she is in a better position to calm him down and at least once listen to you.
Also, as written above. Try talking personally to her instead of dropping a note which might lack your expressions and other emotions. All the best.

 

Wow, Turtlemom, you're really great. I just wrote a post yesterday about my 17 year old son. I think our situation will wind up being a lot like yours. . . I'm just processing and, since my son's not completely 100% sure yet, there's part of me waiting for him to say, "oops, sorry, I was wrong. . . yep, I'm straight" :rolle:

Well, obviously not really. But, I think my husband and I sound more like you and your husband except my husband is so perfectly fine with it he doesn't even understand why it's all I can think about for a while. He's already on to the next thing.