I think my daughter might be gay?

It's possible she is unsure or questioning. With the rainbows that's probably more likely to be she simply likes them, next time she does something rainbow related you could ask if there's a reason behind it.

 

If you join in with the festivities on Pride, I'm sure she'll be comfortable telling you if she ever chooses to identify as such.

 

Yeah, the rainbow stuff doesn't mean she's gay.

She may be. She may not be. She may not know yet. Or she may just not want to put a label on herself. That's fine too.

If you really want to push the issue, then invite her to go along with you to pride. If she's fairly ambivilant about it, she probably doesn't see it as relevant to her. If she's happy, or alternatively really nervous, then it probably means something to her.

Anyway, you're clearly a great mum & she's lucky to have you.

 

I may be the one who's going to be the outlier here, but personally, I'm of two opinions:

Fourteen is the new eighteen. Though they may not be too much more emotionally mature than fourteen year-olds of decades past, today's fourteen year old is typically much more socially and 'issues' awareness -savvy than ever before. So, the likelihood is that she's been aware of, and evaluating herself based on comparisons to, LGBT-ness and awareness the better part of her young life. This has really been the decade for LGBT awareness and she is barely more than a decade old. So think about that.

I think it's become a primary question for today's kids: what their identity is as far as their attractions and gender identification(s) go. Especially when they've been raised in a large metropolitan area & an accepting environment where such questions are not shoved into any kind of closet.

So, it's hard for me to imagine your daughter being that unaware of herself at fourteen. And if she were just simply pumped about being an ally, I'd think you would see more along the lines of 'ally' related statement insignias, buttons, clothing (printed T shirts, etc.), and activities/affiliations (GSA at school, or something). Not necessarily the adoption of stereotypical "gay" symbology, herself.

I think it's more than possible that she is trying to send a message about herself, without saying it aloud in so many words.

If it were my kid, I'd think she was being pretty blatant about her message.

But you know your child better than I.

Does she seem to really admire or want to emulate her gay friends? (I assume she has them.) Maybe she's just fangirling about them, a little? This is also a possibility. Though I find this scenario a little harder to imagine, myself, and think the first one more likely.

---------- Post added 19th Jul 2014 at 09:35 AM ----------

A third possibility, similar to the second: Does she have a family member who she loves or admires that she might either assume or know (even if you don't) is LGBT, whom she might want to show her strong love/support/solidarity with?

 

Honestly, in a social environment like Seattle, I think, based on just things like wearing rainbow stuff, it's difficult to distinguish seeing oneself as queer from merely supporting queerfolk.

I personally wouldn't assume based just on that.

 

I think shes too young to tell for sure. if she is, Im sure youll know when the time is right

 

I first figured out I liked men when I was 14 and my boyfriend figured that out at about 10 or 11. It's highly subjective.

 

I would however like to note that 14 is absolutely old enough to know for sure. Plenty of people know at that age - I just wouldn't draw conclusions from something as small as enjoying rainbow-colored pride things.

 

Hmm. Why not draw that (possible) conclusion, though?

I ask not because assumptions of any kind based on peripherals don't do people a disservice, but simply because of the default assumption of straightness until proven beyond a shadow of a doubt gay.

There's a huge double standard in the direction of our assumptions and it unfortunately exists in just as entenched a manner in the LGBT community.

So I ask: Why not lean toward the gay side of the equation, until "proven" straight, in this case? What's the harm?

 

my little sister loves queens (like me!) but she doesnt know they are gay she also loves rainbows and drag queens and stuff like that but she is not gay we go downtown and start looking at guys who is hot who is not i saw her looking at that hot shirtless guy anime pic and her face went red so im sure she is straight but she doesnt even know gay people exist she thinks its not possible and she just think im joking when i say that guy is hot and she admires gay people a lot not knowing what gay is
maybe your daughter is the same girls really fangirls about gay people and think they are cute and most girls support gay people
also they love them a lot like queer as folk viewers ( a gay show about gay men and women) were mostly straight girls
they all dream about the gay best friend too ^^

 

I think that is a great attitude.

(*hug*)

 

She might just be confused at the moment or she is and is to scared to tell you.

Having a big gay population would affect anything to do with her sexuality she would be what she is.

 

No matter what her sexuality is I think it's great she lives in such an accepting environment. Not everyone has that.

 

I can't speak for other people, but I always mean it as "don't assume either way." And you really can't, without risking being incorrect.

But this daughter seems like she's in good hands in any case.

 

True

 

I think it is pretty obvious she is either bisexual or gay. I'm pretty sure straight girls don't go around writing 'PRIDE' on stuff and wearing Takei buttons, obsessing over drag shows and being envious of rainbow cakes. That would just be too much even for a supportive straight girl!

You should just let her be and let her come out whenever she wants to. The best thing you can do is just not make a deal out of it at all.