How do I know my son and how do I support him?

I've just seen your other thread.

Things must be pretty crazy for you right now - I'd urge caution with regards to the questions you ask your son. It's pretty normal to experiment at his age and by the sounds of it he's figuring a few things out. It may or may not be related to your husband, but that is actually not important right now. What is important is that you give him space to figure this stuff out.

Please try to separate in your mind the situation with your husband from the actions of your son.

 

I don't want to confuse you more and you probably already know this anyway, but it's not unheard of for straight men to use sex toys and/or cross-dress. These activities are probably just as common as they are with gay men actually.

I agree with uniqueusername3 about keeping the situations separate. Your husband and son are separate people after all.
Giving your son space is a good idea too, as long as he is aware that you are there if he needs to talk and that you're open to talk about anything.

Peace! (*hug*)

 

He may not be cross-dressing, but he may be experimenting with sexual activities involving women's clothing. To echo what most other people said, keep these situations separate and only tell him when it's appropriate. Keep adult things with adults.

 

I think creating an environment of acceptance will lead to the best outcome. Realize that no matter how accepting or unthreatening you feel you are being he will most likely be very embarassed about any proclivities that don't line up with standard heteronormative behavior. I thinking creating an environment where he knows you are cool with gays, lesbians, trans guys and gals, bisexuals, ect. will make him more comfortable and allow him to tell you things... if he has anything to tell. But then again teenagers are weird and hard to understand .

 

I had a girlfriend at 14, and 16, and knew I was gay at 12.

Not trying to make you paranoid but acting the straight part doesn't really cut it.

It's more of a survival mode you go into when you straight acting straight, you are denying everything or at least like me not accepting it, and are trying to hide everything

Don't push him, like you said, maybe just let him know in a non-obvious way you are ok with it.

Possibly call a gay couple cute, or something.

I don't know if he's gay or transgendered, I never played with girl anything as a kid, nor had the desire to. So my gayness manifested once I started becoming attracted to guys. But it does seem to be the norm that a lot of gay guys are into girly things as a youth.

Also note, alot of straight people don't adhere to heteronormativity so it's not a sure fire sign.

Like I said, best thing to do is just let him know you're accepting of it, that can at least ease his mind if he is worried, he may not be comfortable to tell you but it will make him feel better.

I didn't tell certain people despite knowing they were ok with it, out of fear of others finding out. So he may be withholding because of that, or he might not be sure himself yet either.