Newly out son refuses to talk about it

I would not push him to talk if he's not ready to do so. You have indicated to him that you are accepting and I expect he will come to you when he is ready to talk. Let him come to you on his own terms and do not pressure him.

 

Just remember it took alot for your son to come out to you in the first place. And if he doesn't want to talk it was probably even harder than you think. Doesn't sound like he is comfortable with his sexuality yet.... lets face it he's 12 and that certainly is understandable. I think he will come around.

I might approach the situation allittle different and ask him instead who he has to talk to about it. Does he have other gay friends? Peers he can talk to and relate to. I'd check out the local PFLAG and see what is available. They would be a good place to ask about experienced gay friendly counselors. Counseling certainly wouldn't hurt. Just as long as he understands its so he has someone to talk to and not that there is something wrong with him. Its all in the approach.

 

i would give him some space. you've already told him you support him and love him for him. at 12 he is still figuring out.......everything......especially sexuality. he probably needs to work things out in his own head first before he can talk about it. the important thing is that he came to you and was open to you about it.

 

even at 14 things are probably topsy turvey in his mind. time will settle things out, time and support (even silent support)

 

I wonder if you can find him a useful book to read. I got this for my daughter but it is totally aimed at girls Girl2girl: The Lives and Loves of Young Lesbian and Bisexual Women Diva Books: Amazon.co.uk: Norrina Rashid, Jane Hoy: Books she is currently engrossed in it. I bet there's something out there for boys too and he might find that helpful.

 

After the build up to telling you … there is probably now enough guilt/shame that he wishes he had not blurted it out and maybe he is just embarrassed and wishes he had kept it under wraps.

Give him time and let him know you are open and super-supportive and ready to talk when he wants to.

 

Honestly, he might just not want to talk to you about it because talking about sex-related things with parents is painfully awkward. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I'd maybe just ease off and let him know that you will be there whenever he wants to talk

 

PFLAG Canada is there when it seems no-one else is.

this link might be helpful for all of your family. it really was for me coming to terms with myself.

 

I think it's still a lot for him to take in as well. I mean, every time he sees you now, he knows that you know that he's gay. I'd give him some space and see what happens in a couple of days. Please post back here if anything does change.

 

I think it might be this. I mean he's a 14 year old boy, sex is going to be on his mind constantly, that's not something you talk with your mum about.

 

Direct him to here, and if he does decide to join you can ask the staff to remove your posts as well so that he does not have to know that you were talking about him on here.

 

Hi Tizzy,
First of all, congratulations on being an accepting parent. :eusa_clap
Secondly, don't worry about him refusing to talk about it. When my mum found out that I was gay, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready to answer all of the questions that she had because I didn't have all of the answers myself.
Look at the fact that he came out to you. That's a massive step.

 

I'm going to come out to my family as soon as I get back to Rochester, and I'm going to specifically ask my parents NOT to talk to me about it, at least until I'm more comfortable. I know my parents will be accepting, but it's hard for me to talk to them about things, and I'm not comfortable enough to talk to my parents about my sexuality. If your son feels the way I do, be grateful he told you, and leave him alone for now. Coming out is hard, and talking can be harder. After a while, if he still seems to be withdrawn, drop a couple of hints about how he's welcome to talk to you about any problems he has. Hopefully, he'll eventually talk about it with you, and realize what an accepting parent he has.

 

This thread was helpful to me as I was feeling the same. My 12 year old came out...then walked it back a little bit and just recently came out again. He wouldn't talk and really still won't. I've been trying to put myself in his position and reminding myself that I did not dish about boys with my mother so why would I expect my son to dish about boys with me? Still and all - I understand where you are coming from because we love them, they are our baby boys forever and we want to be sure they are OK. I'm trying to back off and after reading the responses, even more committed to doing so.

 

To OP, it's possible that your son just doesn't feel as if it's a big deal and he doesn't want you to look at you differently.

Me, I would hate it if my parents stopped me at every corner and started saying, "You wanna talk about it?"

Most likely, he came out to you because he was tired of keeping it inside. He probably wants to express himself more freely, and will eventually be more open within time. You're a very good mother for supportive him like that, and I'm grateful for your concern. Keep being cool, mom. B)

 

Give him time and he will come around.. Once it's out there, it's out and can't be taken back, so even though you have said you are accepting of him, he might still feel ashamed or confused or worried that others won't be as accepting. I am the same though even when I am sick or unwell.. I have medical conditions and I get really annoyed when my mum who is just being mum and worried about me constantly asks if I am okay or how I am feeling, so I think it is just natural.. You let him know if he wants to talk, you are there.. That is all you can do, you can't force someone to talk about something.. Treat it as if your son was interested in women.. Would you be asking all these questions about his personal life then? Maybe he doesn't want to be seen as being different and you asking to talk or wanting to talk all the time is making him feel different and uncomfortable.

 

It just means he doesn't want to talk about it. Your best bet to having a healthy son at this point, is to simply treat him like you normally would. He doesn't want or need to talk to you or anyone else about it. He needs to live his own life and figure things out for himself. It takes time to sort through emotions and sexuality.

Simply put, leave him as alone as you left him before you knew. I am going through the same thing with my girlfriend, so through my situation I can probably articulate what he feels to a certain extent. Every time I see her, every time she sees me... I know she knows... I'm now more sensitive to trigger words she uses, when she looks at my cell phone screen, over my shoulder, whatever... Why? Because she won't get out of my business and let me adjust on my own terms.

In the future he may come to talk, he may not. You as an "accepting" parent, need to realize this.

If you don't come to terms with this, he may come to resent you and it will bottleneck.

 

Being a kid at around the same age as your son my best guess at why he doesn't want to talk about it is because he is terrified. Even though your supportive he is still scared. He is scared of losing his friends of people treating him differently. These may be not anything that will happen but he is still scared they will. All I can say is bring it up sparingly make it blatantly clear that you haven't changed your opinion on him.