Laying herself open to bullying?

Its the job of school teachers and administrators to protect her from sexist harassment. You may have to be diligent in holding them accountable for discharging their duty to protect your child. I have personally dealt with administrators who are on record about not caring for LGBT students. You'll want to "be her support team" as you say and ask her if there's any peer abuse going on. I would hope that your daughter would tell you, but sometimes we bottle it up inside and don't tell our parents.

I'm assuming you're out as bisexual to your daughter as well?

 

Tell her It's okay to come out to people she trusts, but if I were her, I would withhold that information if It's people she really doesn't know.

I don't think being closeted is healthy, but you also need to be careful. Then again, one could get bullied for anything, even if It's made obvious since middle school kids are cruel.

 

People get bullied for all kinds or reasons. If it's not your daughters sexual orientation, it will be what clothes she wears, what music she likes or dislikes, what shows she watches, what she enjoys or doesn't enjoy, what she's good at or bad at, and so on. The point is, bullies will always find something. In my opinion, you shouldn't let your daughter or yourself hold her back from being out and proud with any part of her, whether is be sexual orientation wise or not. If you do, then she will start to fear being judged badly, when it shouldn't matter to her.

 

I'm a lesbian, and when my youngest told me she was Bi, I encouraged her to keep it to herself except for close friends. One of her friends is Bi also, so it was probably easier for her. We talked and decided it would be ok to come out in High School. So, she did. It was a bit rocky, but being gay myself I could guide her a bit. I knew which teachers were gay and gay friendly and I made time to go and talk to them I told them my daughter was gay and asked if they would be a safe spot for her in emergency. They were great. They offered to help if she was bullied in an way and made sure she knew who they were, even introducing her to them. Sure, she gets some people picking on her, but she knows how to handle it and takes care of it. We went through what she could say and how to approach it. Plus, I am out and proud and have shown her how to be that way. I pointed out gay heroes and athletes and encouraged her to always be herself. You are honest about being Bi, and she will take a page from your book and it will be easier for her.

As a parent, support her and don't worry to much. The world is a bit different and most likely the other kid will make comments for a week or so and then move on. That is the nature of kids that age. I would encourage her to wait until high school at least to come out to more than her friends. Once you are out, you can't take the words back again, so she needs to be careful how she goes about it.

 

I was out of the closet in middle school, and I didn't face any bullying for it.

Maybe it depends on where you live though.

 

@E11mum - have you looked at the Stonewall Youth (UK) website?

Homepage | Stonewall Youth

Stonewall is working to end homophobic bullying in schools throughout the UK and there is more information on the website. Take a look and maybe get in touch with them if you or your daughter would like more information or if you have concerns. As a parent of a gay child, you have the right to raise your concerns with the school/governing body.

 

i was out at school and didnt get bullied for who i dated, people gossiped of 'does xxx have a girlfriend' and people sometimes did confront me about it and i was honest and all they said was oh. i think it was more curiousity than anything. it was more gossip but not bullying. i got bullied for everything else lol. i see your location is london.... i used to live near, and london is a very diverse (if thats the right word) city i know if i went up central london with parents/friends when i was younger i used to see gay people left right and centre and didnt bat an eyelid cuz it was so normal there. kids are probs more used to it than you might think. in the schools around me at school i heard of about 3 people in the entire years i was at school that got bullied for sexuality. but it got stopped in the end. kids get bullied far more for other things than sexuality.

as someone else said a new school is a good oppurtunity to make new friends who will accept her for her and if she feels the need to come out then so be it. she must feel its the rigt time so you just have to sit tight and hope everyting goes okay. i dont think she is laying herself open to bullying at all. if so then you can 'lay yourself open to bullying' in many ways by wearing the clothes you like on non uniform days, the music you listen to, the food you may or may not eat, everything can be a target for bullies.

 

I've posted and worried about much the same thing with my 12 year old son. Like your daughter, he is out and proud and despite my worries, it has been mostly positive. The issues we have had - sadly - relate more to the parents rather than the kids but that is for another post. After a couple of weeks of soul searching and talking to people and reading, I've decided that as you said so well - my job is to be his support team. Here for him 110%. The rest of it he is going to have to navigate on his own, just as he would if he were straight and trying to figure out girls. So....very hard to be a Mama Bear and step back but I am trying desperately to do just that. Good luck to you and your daughter.

 

In the US, middle/secondary school is ages 11-13, so it ends earlier for us but considering her age now, It still works for this situation.

It honestly just depends on the people you're around. I wasn't out of the closet in school, but I still got bullied for things such as my autism, the TV shows/music I liked, the way I drew, the way I ate, etc. Bullies are going to be bullies and will always find something to pick on you for regardless.

 

I had just turned 14.

 

i personally would tell my kid that they are young and that it is normal to have attractions to same and opposite sex at the same time and that she may find that she later has attractions to boys and she may find that she later still have attractions to girls or both. i woudl tell her not to put a label on yourself and just be you. i would also tell her that labels "stick" and that she should just keep something personal like this to herself or to a counselor or gay peer group (outside school) because unfortunately some kids are stupid and do not like difference in people and could start picking on her for this and its really none of their business. then i would find a support group or activity group for other kids going through the same thing where they can be friends.

 

I don't agree with this. Telling a young gay child that they may have attraction to the opposite sex actually harms their psyche and self-esteem because it makes them feel as if they can't be believed because of their age and that their attraction to the same sex is shameful or more dirty. When a child says they are straight and that they like boys, nobody says to not put a label on them or they may like the same sex later on.

 

You are a great Mom

 

That's good to hear.

Just remember that she knows you're always there for her too, that she can always come to you. Bullying can be handled if she knows she has support.