Tolerance sometimes isn't enough

I wasn't close to my family growing up, I didn't grow up with them basically, but we are back in touch and they are still my parents and I value what they think. I also have made my own family, I see them that way and have done most of my life - so I came out to both.
The best friends who felt like my real family, were proud and accepting and had pretty much guessed
The people who were my real family, they didn't shout or hate or disown. From the outside you'd think they reacted well, compared to a lot of families. But it didn't feel that way at all. Instead it was awkward and quiet and uncomfortable. It felt false. Instead of a bad reaction, there barely even was a reaction.
I know my relationship hasn't been great with my parents but can anyone else understand this?
Im now engaged, I proposed in May to my soul mate and best friend. Her mums reaction (when I asked her permission to pop question) was to call me her daughter in law and cry cos she's happy for us and nearly kill me for making her keep it secret for 6 weeks.
When I told my parents they basically said "ohright" and continued on about their lives. They have said they just want me to be happy, theyv met my fiance and are nice enough around her, but when its just me and them they barely acknowledge the fact she exists.
They have never said they don't like her or that they hate the fact i'm gay... its just the way they act and under-react that's uncomfortable and sends the message they have a problem with it. They are tolerant. My parents tolerate the fact I'm in love with a girl and wanting to get married. I think they still assume one day i'll snap out of it but they cant afford to be parents who say that kind of thing after our past. So they tolerate it and try to ignore it as much as possible while still doing what they can to at least remain in my life .
Has anyone else had a similar experience ? Im getting to the point where I am thinking why am I still in touch? obvs other things come into this thinking, but this is a pretty substantial part that's contributing.

 

Thankyou bub (*hug*)
I see what you're trying to say about them needing to adjust and spend more time around us to understand what we have is real- and i'd give the same advice to others - except my family when they see me, try to avoid seeing us both without making that obvious if you get me? They aren't giving themselves the chance to adjust or get used to us together, so it's difficult for me to give them that chance. It almost feels like when i'm with them they are pretending my own life doesn't exist, only my life when i'm with them? Not sure if this makes sense lol

 

It feels worse than if they shouted it in your face sometimes! Thank god someone else gets this. And the pronouns :bang: .....my FIANCE is introduced as my friend, my housemate, everything less than what she is - the most important person in my life.
My big issue is the fact that we shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable or awkward or like what we have is wrong. Even if that is a message sent without words. To feel like my relationship and my life and my soulmate is something which should be ignored or brushed past or not important - is ridiculous and hurtful. Especially when you see how far along in the relationship we are/how serious we are! Do i really want my wedding (the happiest day of my life) tarnished with people there who "tolerate" what we are celebrating. Who make parts of the day uncomfortable and awkward.
And I know one day i will have kids (it is my lifelong dream to raise a family) - so then I begin to think "do I want my kids to notice this when we are with them?". I don't want my children to feel like they are different or that their mums are "wrong" or "unnatural". I know we can't prevent this from other kids or biggotted people as they grow up - but to expose them to this and call it "family?" .... i really don't think I'm willing to put them through it. Especially after the damage they caused me growing up in different ways.
I'm basically in the process of forgiving or at least moving on from some horrible past stuff between us.... yet i'm not so sure it's worth it to be honest.