Questions..

First of all, i think you're an amazing mother for being so understanding. If I had a mom even half as supportive as you in life, never mind just this issue, I would feel blessed! :') Just felt like this needed said so Kudos to you.
As for advice with your son, I think all that you can do right now as his mom is reiterate that you will accept him and love and support him nomatter what his orientation or preference. Maybe if you make yourself aware of the many different types of sexuality, orientation and gender identities - he will pick up on this knowledge. It may be that he doesn't know exactly what label he fits under yet - and that's okay!
He will figure it out eventually, and when he does - just be there to say it's okay and you're happy he's been able to figure out who he is as a person.
He may be gay but still questioning it or unsure for definate. Sometimes it can take a while to know yourself for sure. He may be bisexual and able to find attraction to both males and females. He might be pansexual/transexual/asexual - there are many different sexualities and identities that he could realise fit the way he feels but labels are only names. Your son will figure out who he can fall in love with and who he finds attractive with time and support from you. Just reassure, support, be patient, and love him If you want to say something to him about this - even just say that you know it can take time to figure out sexuality or who you are as a person so for him not to rush or guess - just go with his feelings until he's clear himself and then you will be there to chat to when he does

 

I think you have to trust your son to know his own feelings. It is possible to appreciate someone aesthetically without being sexually attracted to them. If you try to suggest he's not really gay it could come across as invalidating his self-identity and he has trusted you by telling you.

My daughter's situation is different because she says she doesn't mind if people at school know she is gay, she has told a few friends and I warned her to expect it to do the rounds reasonably quickly. I can understand your concerns about the texting but if your son wants to talk to these girls there isn't really anything you can do to stop him. They could out him without texts anyway. He trusts them and that is his choice to do so. If anything does go wrong he will need your support so try not to say "I told you so".

 

First, it's great that you're such a supportive mother. This is going to go a long way toward helping your son grow up healthy. Second, it's also good that you're making sure that he's making smart decisions. Although, I would focus less on texting itself and more on telling other people. If he doesn't want other people to know, he has to realize that every person he tells is going to increase the likelihood that someone talks. If you're carrying around a secret every time you share it with someone it increases the likelihood that it becomes common knowledge. People gossip. That's just a fact.

Of course, it's not the end of the world if people find out. He might not like it, and may endure some difficulties, but he will ultimately persevere. Keep the lines of communication open in this regard so that you can provide a strong foundation of support should it happen. This will be helpful.

The issue with wanting to be popular is typical teenage stuff. Most people go through this phase in life. Teach him to be confident in who he is, and not try and change himself to please others. That will be an important life lesson. Also keep him focused on the fact that all of this is temporary. He's eventually going to go off to college, so in the end none of this really matters as we all learned when we left High School behind.

When it comes to his sexual orientation I believe it is important to trust him. If he says he is gay simply accept it. If he changes his mind later down the road, that's fine too. However, I believe it is always important to accept what other people say in this regard, and not attempt to label them even if we think they are mis-labeling themselves. That's not our place, and furthermore only they know the truth. All we can really do is offer a supportive and accepting ear.

It's also important to remember that most parents, even really accepting parents, go through a stage where there is a bit of denial or bargaining. Most gay people go through a similar situation. We have a concept of who we (or they) are as someone who is straight, and it can be difficult to let go of that perception. It's important not to read too much into the things you listed. For one, we can't overlook cultural socialization. You don't know what is going through his head.

In short, questioning his sexuality is generally going to be a bad move. Most gay people take offense to being questioned in such a way, because after all if he were straight you wouldn't be questioning whether or not he was 100% sure. You would just accept it as a fact, because it is the built in cultural assumption we have about others. It's a poor assumption to make for what I hope are obvious reasons, but we do it anyway.

In the end, my advice is just to accept what he tells you and not to question it. It is ultimately something that he will figure out on his own, and if later down the road he decides he wants to identify as bisexual, pansexual, or use some other label instead my advice is just to shrug your shoulders and accept it. After all it doesn't really matter, so long as he is happy and is striving to be his authentic self. That is, ultimately, the message we want to push: Be yourself, and be proud of who you are.

 

I agree with the others that you just have to trust him on his sexuality. I understand the confusion with his behavior with girls, but he could just be admiring his looks or pretending to like them because can't completely accept it either, even if he knows.