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Don't parents know their kids are gay before they come out?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by blueberrykisses, Sep 11, 2014.

  1. blueberrykisses

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    I'm just wondering as a gay kid, as a parent did you ever wonder/were there signs you picked up on that your child was gay before they came out? Because there are gay guys I know that are in their teens now and they say their parents have no idea they are gay and would disown them if they found out. I find it so hard to believe they don't know their kids are gay.... these are like Lady Gaga-obsessed boys and I knew they were gay 5 seconds after I got to know them, so how the hell does a parent not realize? They're living under the same roof. Like, your mother gave birth to you. Are they just blind or is it just complete denial of what's in front of them?

    My mom didn't start suspecting I was a lesbian until I turned like 16/17 even though I've been gushing and obsessing about girls since I was like 7 and not the way straight girls obsess over their role models. And it would've never occured to my mother that I was gay, she wouldn't even think about that as a possibility. I know she's started wondering when I was like 17 because I'd never talked about a guy or showed any interest in guys but it was obvious way before that and she had no idea.
     
  2. YaraNunchuck

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    Lady Gaga? That's a stereotype, and a pretty broad and unhelpful one. Most gay people - especially those in the closet trying to maintain ambiguity around the aura they project - do not fit into such stereotypes.
     
  3. Lipstick Leuger

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    Sometimes, yes we do. I knew my youngest was not straight, and wondered about my oldest, one is Bi the other Pan. My son, my wife knew he was straight. It just depends. I just had an instinct about my baby. On the other hand, my Mom had not ONE clue even when I told her she thought I had to find the right boy. So, there ya go.
     
  4. E11mum

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    I didn't know, but I never assumed one way or the other, just gave her space to find what was right for her.
     
  5. MomWhoLuvs

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    My son loved music as a child. He was so knot the latest pop star then would take their music and play it on his instrument. He is musically gifted. Yes, he listens to Gaga but so do I. I'm not gay.
    I wasn't going to assume anything
    He checked out girls in front of us. Made few comments. Evn wen we weren't looking. He hates sports, but loves fishing snowboarding etx
    My brother was same growing up and he's big homophobe

    I assume nothing. I just accept and learn to love whatever. It's beyond control anyhow.
     
  6. slestell

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    I suspected before my 12 year old son came out. Mainly based on stereotypes. They aren't always right but they aren't always wrong either. That being said, I know one kid who my son has told me about and I would never in a million years have suspected. How these kids are around you might be very different than they are around their parents. I know sometimes kids go overboard trying to appear straight - or at least eliminate anything that might be stereotypically gay. Or - perhaps the parents and kids don't really spend much time together. I know it is harder and harder to get my 12 year old to hang with the family these days.
     
  7. soulcatcher

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    Some parents are either in denial or assume that everybody is straight.
     
  8. Fallingdown7

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    My parents never knew when it came to me
     
  9. Fruit Topping

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    My mother didn't know until I actually expressed my opinion about same-sex marriages when her friend would make rude remarks. She told me she kinda figured I may have been bi or whatever.
     
  10. blueskies

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    My mom told me when I came out to her that she'd sort of suspected it for a while but that she'd never actually realized that she'd suspected it before I came out, if that makes sense. I guess she was subconsciously wondering if I liked men but didn't want to assume anything.
     
  11. ThePrideInside4

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    Well, my mom has always told me that it's a motherly instinct to know what mood your child is in, how they're feeling, e.t.c.. And I've always been scared that she'll find out I'm pansexual, genderfluid, and a crossdresser before I ever grow the balls to tell her.
     
  12. WannaBeMe

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    I can't say anything but parents will know if you make it obvious I'm a child but my parents will probably never find out on their own unless they read all of my FB messages. And I intend to keep it that way. Plus there are ways of covering up your tracks. I know I constantly have to bite my Tongue to keep from saying something obvious unless it's pre planned.
     
  13. QueerTransEnby

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    I was so good of an actor that I fooled myself really. It was cognitive dissonance. "Well, I've only fooled around with one guy in jr. high and high school, but we were just horny and experimenting. It had no emotional component. It doesn't mean I am gay or bi." Then, I realized that these attractions are not going away, if anything getting stronger.
     
  14. Candace

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    My mom had a hunch, but she never came to me and asked me if I were gay. She was still shocked nevertheless when I came out to her a year or so ago.
     
  15. thekillingmoon

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    Not always. My family still thinks I'm straight. Oddly enough it simply doesn't occur to them that I could be anything other than straight. It's very frustrating for me because I can't come out to them right now. If they guessed it would have made it a lot easier.

    I came home from my vacation recently and I was telling my grandma about it and she asks if I met any guys there. And my mother often says I need a husband. I haven't been on a date with a guy in like 8 years and not interested in dating men. You'd think they find it at least a little weird, but no. I guess, they write it off as me being socially inept.
     
  16. White Knight

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    While it is kinda sad somehow this part made me laugh. Make it 39 years with no girlfriend but very close then gone male friends for me and still everyone... yes everyone from my boss' wife to my nephews' friends who are somehow in my life tell me to I should get married or I will miss the train.

    Either I am living in dumbville or they are in very serious denial. Whole situation is so bad it is funny. :badgrin:
     
  17. Pie

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    Neither of my parents did. I was actually disappointed, it would have been less of a shock if they had suspected.
     
  18. mfield123

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    Gay people do tend to have a much more accurate gaydar then straights
     
  19. Lexington

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    My parents apparently had no idea when I came out to them. I was twenty. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  20. TwinNumber2

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    You'd think that. I showed zero interest in girls and never had a girlfriend yet when I came out my Mum was shocked.