1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My friend needs help... Badly...

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by PrinceFabulous, Sep 28, 2014.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. PrinceFabulous

    PrinceFabulous Guest

    I have a good friend. I've known her for a few months now, since like January or Febuary or March. She's pansexual, and both she and I live down in the South... Also known as Homophobia Central.

    Her parents have never been supportive of anything she's done. Her father is mentally and verbally abusive. Her brother starts fights at home. They've constantly used gay and racial slurs since she was little, saying they'd "rather have a child who was with a n***** than a gay one".

    She's 99% percent sure her parents are going to kick her out when she comes out as pan, but she doesn't want to hide herself anymore. She doesn't want to wear a mask. She's been doing since she was a freshman in high school, she's eighteen now. She has her things packed just in case she needs to grab them and go.

    But she's scared to come out. I'm scared for her. I want to help. She doesn't know how to go about actually coming out... The closet isn't an option for her anymore, she says she can't lie to them, and she won't be forced to live a lie... What ways could she possibly come out to lessen the shock wave it'll let off?

    (Also, she sadly can't come on her for help herself, at least not tonight. She has limited wifi and if she gets on her internet browser it eats up the data really bad. That's why I had to make this post for her)
     
    #1 PrinceFabulous, Sep 28, 2014
  2. AsheTheHuman

    AsheTheHuman
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hoenn
    Does she have someplace to go? I know the feeling of not wanting to live a lie, but having a roof over your head and food to eat is probably more important. If she can't live with you or ask around, maybe you can for her?
     
    #2 AsheTheHuman, Sep 28, 2014
  3. PrinceFabulous

    PrinceFabulous Guest

    She does have a few options of somewhere to go, actually. She's had that planned out, and even just had another friend make an offer as well.
     
    #3 PrinceFabulous, Sep 28, 2014
  4. AsheTheHuman

    AsheTheHuman
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hoenn
    Well, that's good. And parents are also aware that these offers were made and are cool with it, I assume? Wherever she decides to go, I'd suggest trying to take her stuff over there in advance. That way she can just "drop the mic" and leave right away so to speak. It does sound that she needs to get out of there though. As a friend, be prepared to support her lots- though if you're doing this much for her, I don't think I need to tell you that. I don't know how exactly she should tell her parents though. Leaving a note is always an option as well, and might help her escape the initial disgust.
     
    #4 AsheTheHuman, Sep 28, 2014
  5. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think she should leave ASAP. She needs breathing room even for coming out.
     
    #5 resu, Sep 28, 2014
  6. Mikelcharles1

    Mikelcharles1 Guest

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with the others that you just have to trust him on his sexuality. I understand the confusion with his behavior with girls, but he could just be admiring his looks or pretending to like them because can't completely accept it either, even if he knows.
     
    #6 Mikelcharles1, Oct 1, 2014
  7. SextonOutlaw

    SextonOutlaw
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2014
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Hellmouth, Georgia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    As long as she has a safe and reliable place to go, by all means she should have a calm discussion with her parents about moving out, and then do so!

    After that adjustment, she can be as open as she wants. I would recommend either a more public place or with someone like a therapist of some sort. If there should be one of the violent responses, you want to be where you can get away or have help.
     
    #7 SextonOutlaw, Oct 3, 2014
  8. wontwalkblindly

    wontwalkblindly
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2014
    Messages:
    140
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jupiter
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Personally, if your friend can leave home before coming out, I think that would be best. That way, she will be away from the physical aspect of the toxicity of her house and hopefully with a support system.
    Safety has to come before honesty sometimes unfortunately.
     
    #8 wontwalkblindly, Nov 1, 2014
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)