Am I?

I would say, the first step is a great one as a parent, you are here to understand and learn which shows support in its own way.

Second the wording is an indicator, you mention several times that your son has made a decision. A choice.

I'm not sure if you word it that way to your son but if so that could be it.

My father after he was out of my life once I had become 18he wanted things to do. He'd call and tell me he was sad, he felt its a choice, a preference.

It upset me terribly....

I think you have to stress protection and being safe, I've noticed my aunt and uncle buy my cousins (17) of age condoms and lube. Granted their straight but I notice a parent that's active in support helps better to promote the relationship between mom and son...

I think if it's too fast he will learn it. You can't save him from everything but you can be there for him to cry on and sometimes they'll talk to you. I remember my mom there for me. Her saying I just want you happy.

I think you being on here interacting is very smart, and I think it shows your dedication to him.

 

Well I think your son is one lucky teen. You're clearly trying to be supportive even if you haven't fully accepted it inside.

To me you come off as protective rather than fake. You want it known that you stand by your son. I'd suggest letting him decide who he's out to though.

Teens can and do get serious bout love, though society suggests otherwise. Gay relationships aren't really that different from hetero ones. Sure the sex is different but even then basics r the same, 1. Make sure its something you want and 2. Use a condom.


Maybe there is still a part of you that wishes your son was straight. Most parents have unfulfilled wishes for their kid...as long as you love him and accept that he's not gonna change, you're doing better than many parents. Your son didn't choose to be gay, he just is. The only choice involved is whether we accept it, or choose to live in repression and denial. The latter leads down a dark path of self loathing depression.

 

First, Welcome to EC!

Simply making the effort to be a positive and supportive figure in your child's life is admirable in itself. It sounds as though you are struggling with finding a proper medium with expressing your honest views as a parental figure and while maintaining a supportive and accepting environment for your son. You have clearly shown to him that you want him to feel free to express himself and pursue the partners that will make him genuinely happy.

As a parent, however, it is also an obligation of your's to be a voice of reason and wisdom in his life. The important thing to remember when deciding whether the critiques that arise are justified is asking oneself whether they would still remain valid had he have been in a relationship with a female. If you would still feel uncomfortable with the amount of open affection? If you would still feel that this relationship is becoming too large of a priority in his life considering his age? Etc.

There is absolutely no doubt that teenagers commonly thrust themselves into relationships in ways that their elders might disagree with. The process of having these experiences and learning from them is a very valuable part of their self-discovery and growth; however, it is also important that parental figures feel justified in expressing their views on the life choices of their children (In regards to his relationships and actions, his sexuality is most certainly not a choice). Avoiding coming across as patronizing or alienating them is absolutely important, but it is important to never get to the point where you feel as though any degree of critique towards your child will paint you as an unloving or supportive figure. Truthfully, it is ultimately that basic feeling of love and support for a child that obligates a parent to guide them down the best paths available to them.

 

As a gay teen it sounds like your doing great. Those thoughts inside your head trying to convince yourself that you ok with it are fine. You were just told something that changed your entire view on your son. Sure your son sexuality is a big part of who he is but don't let it define him our your relationship with him. Your feeling kind of sound like denial which totaly ok. Your grieving the loss of the perception of who your son is it's totally normal.

It's not a choice for your son nor is it a learned response. In all reality it's a combination of genetics and the environment he grew up in. There is nothing you could have or should have done differently to make him different than who he is.

About the relationship. Remember it's a teen relationship you have every right to critique it. Don't lie to your son and say your supportive of the relationship if you don't approve of the others actions. Don't make it because he is gay treat it like he was dating a girl (if that makes more sense.) Just make sure your actions are based off of the fact they are gay make them based off their actions.