7 year old son with crush

I don't particularly think that 7 is old enough to develop a crush attached with sexual feelings, as puberty for boys has not started yet.

His 'crush' is likely just a best friend that he experiences a lot of affection for.

While it's true that some people can tell they're gay quite early, it's not true for many, and definitely wasn't for me.

It also can't be influenced; think of all of the gay people that have tried to become straight, haha. It just develops naturally and there's nothing we can do.

So yes, you'll want to make it clear to your children that they can love whom they love, male or female, because if they're gay and going through puberty, they can perceive if they're 'wrong' in your eyes, and will hide, which can cause some psychological damage.

So in conclusion:

1) Make it clear to children that they can love whom they want, and you will be proud of them either way.
2) Don't worry too much, this is too early to know if your son is gay or straight.

 

My guess is you're not getting many responses because it's Thanksgiving day (in the US), and not as many people are online.

I disagree with kumawool on this point. It's common for kids, whether straight, bi, or gay, to have crushes before puberty. And it's increasingly common for them to know, based on these crushes, whether they are straight, bi, or gay.

I think the best thing for you to do is create an environment in which he feels comfortable being open about being gay, bi, or whatever he is. I think it's great that he feels comfortable discussing it with his brother. The best way to do this is to take every opportunity you can to vocalize your support of LGBT people. Another way to do this is to speak of you son's future spouse using gender-neutral pronouns (saying "they" instead of "she"), and encouraging others to do the same.

I think you should talk to your partner about this, and remind him not to drop hints that your son should marry a girl.

 

Not helpful at all and actually damaging to your childs confidence (if he is gay).

The reason why it is so hard and takes so long for gay people to come out of the closet is because of expectation that is foisted upon them by society in general and their parents in particular.

In the future, do you want your child (if he is gay) to feel that him being gay means that he is a dissapointment to his father? No? Then please tell your husband to stop.

 

^this.

This bit is more important than anything else. Personally I wouldn't get involved in his crushes or friendships etc, just roll with it. But only bad things can come from you or your partner trying to straighten him out.

He is who he is, and it's you and your partners job to love him unconditionally, and tell him whatever he feels is ok.

 

I mostly agree with what has already been stated.

The primary concern at the moment is your boyfriend/husband who is sending your son the message that he needs to marry a female. You want to nix that as soon as possible, and instead send the message that ALL of your children should be free and open to loving whomever they want--male or female. If this becomes the standard belief in your house, and your son knows that you will be accepting he might talk to you about his crush. It also makes it easier later for if he decides to come out to you.

Honestly, it is difficult to say that a seven year old knows a great deal about their sexual orientation. However, many people do realize that they are gay from an early age, and honestly--if he said he had a crush on a girl, would we be questioning it? No, of course not. It is not uncommon for kids that age to have school yard crushes.

That being said, if he comes up to you and tells you that he only likes boys, do not be dismissive of him. Take him seriously, and let him know it is alright. After all, once again, if he came up to you and told you that he only liked girls, you would most likely accept it without reservation. This is a good mode of thinking: If everything about the situation was the same, but the sexual orientations / genders of his desired partners were flipped, how would I feel and react? If you would feel or react differently, it is likely the wrong choice. This is a easy measuring stick to determine whether or not you are taking the right actions.

Now, as for him and school... well, that is more complicated. For now, I would just sit back and wait. If he starts telling other kids that he likes the boy, or tells the other boy himself and there are problems--well, deal with those problems as they arise. Just keep your eyes open for any signs or issues that something could be going on. This is one of the reasons you want to build trust and support for him at home, so that he opens up to you about these things. While it is beyond adorable that he confided in his younger brother, if issues arise that younger brother is not going to be able to help him. He needs parental guidance.

Honestly, it should not be hard to get the truth out of him, considering that he is seven years old. Since you know your son better than anyone else, just think of a creative way to start a conversation, and create an opening for him to talk to you. Then search for subtle ways to coax it out of him--methods that someone of that age is not likely to detect.

 

clearly this isn't something that happens to everyone, but I am actually living proof of this. I had my first girlfriend when I was five years old. and to clarify, I do mean girlfriend, not just someone I liked. she was my first girlfriend, the first girl I kissed and the first girl I danced with.

before I hit puberty at 10 and a half I had quite a few girlfriends over the years after her as well. I got more "action" before I was 10 than I did in all 4 years of high school, lol.

I think the advice the others have given has been spot-on, especially the part about getting your partner in line with his attitude and make sure he fully understands it's your son's feelings that matter and trying to influence them negatively is hurtful to the family as a whole, not just your son.

 

It's not universal, but it's also not exceptional. Most people have crushes before puberty (I am part of the minority who didn't), and usually people will be erotically and/or romantically attracted to the gender(s) that they had pre-puberty crushes on.

 

I am part of the minority who didn't have crushes at a young age either. I just never felt any specific way towards people or maybe I did if you could call a crush following just one guy around just doing what he does because you like him a lot.

 

He's 7. It's a crush. He's old enough to know what that means to him...but *you* can't know. He could indeed be gay. Or the statement may have nothing to do with his current or eventual sexuality. Relax and watch the story unfold.

But tell your partner to back the fuck off with respect to feeding him *any* heteronormative crap. If he's straight, he won't need it, and if he's gay/bi, he won't benefit from it.

 

Everything to be said has been said. I just wanted to say you are an awesome parent for being supportive regardless

 

Personally I got my first crush on a girl around this age. I'd let all of your kids know that it's OK to love who ever you want. You sound very supporting. The only problem I see is your partner dropping hints about marrying a girl. If he his gay you don't want him to feel like he HAS to marry a girl

 

I remember when I was 5, I asked my neighbor, a guy, to marry me. It seemed right to me. I had no doubt that's what I wanted. I was so happy to tell my parents, and they simply said "boys don't marry boys". Looking back, it was a different generation, and I am sure they meant nothing by it. That being said, it can cause so much confusion with a child of that age, knowing they're happy about it, and you seem dismissive of it. I would simply do as others have said, and explain it's ok to like, and eventually love, whoever he wishes. Let him figure it out. He's 7, so he is young still, it could be a phase, it could be something he saw on TV, or it could be the true feelings he's feeling.

I would ask that you talk with your husband to get him to relax some. As others have said, nothing positive can come from being dismissive of his feelings, or suggesting he is wrong or not normal.

You seem like a great parent

 

Plenty of kids have crushes. And it might not actually mean he's gay. But you should really stop your partner dropping hints. If your son is queer, then that sort of thing might seriously affect him. It might not seem like much to you, but it amounts to growing up being reminded every day that your parents don't want you to be the way you are.

 

I had plenty of crushes on girls when I was that young... Didn't exactly pan out.

 

I had crushes on guys as a kid, but I can say with certainty that phase is not coming back. My situation's a bit different from most, but I don't think 7 is quite old enough to tell orientation since it really could be anything. What did stick with me though, was being acutely aware of what was "normal" meant and what my parents expected/wanted for me to be.

Bullying may become a problem, but family comes first and foremost in a kid's life, and I think he'll be fine if he knows his family's got his back, whatever direction he goes in.

 

I used to have little crushes with girls when I was small.

He is too young to know his sexually even more, too young to decide whether he loves someone or doesn't.

Best of Luck!

 

I would say don't worry too much about the crush at the moment. As others say, he is still very small yet, although it's not impossible for him to be crushing on boys this early as I definitely crushed on girls at his age.

The best piece of advice I can give you is to avoid the assumption that he is into girls/boys as he grows older. If he is indeed gay/bi, you can provide a safe environment for him to tell you this by keeping pronouns loose. Instead of asking "are there any girls you like?", ask "is there anyone special you've got your eye on?" (or words to that effect).
Encourage him to know it's OK to be gay/bi by saying things like (e.g.) "don't you think Ellen and Portia are such a cute couple?".
It is definitely important that your husband stops with his comments about girls/wives. It could be incredibly damaging and upsetting as he grows older.

Of course this is only my own personal advice - others may say different or disagree entirely. Good luck - it's wonderful you have come here to ask for advice.

 

Okay first of all I commend you for being so supportive of your little boy. I applaud you! Second of all he is only 7. When I was his age I had crushes on girls and not because I was told to have crushes on girls. It wasn't til I hit puberty that I realized that I was only attracted to guys. Just give it time. Let him come to you and talk to you about it.