To religious parents

I am not a parent, but I understand how you feel! I don't think there are alot of religious parents on here, so I thought I'd at least comment and tell you what I could, since I am in the closet toward my church myself. If your church is primarily homophobic, then most likely there will be several people who give you the cold shoulder, or at least tell you they don't approve of your "choices". However, I do not know if they'd attack your parent. If your parent openly supports you, that could cause people to discriminate against her aswell. My godmother is extremely homophobic, as I had wrote down just my story about this weekend with her down in General Support and Advice. I wish you good luck!

 

It depends on the church. I wish there was an easy answer here, but sadly most Christians don't get represented very well because of the legalistic, judgmental squeaky wheels that get all of the attention.
Surprisingly, I have found that there is usually more support in the church than most people realize. I guess there is no way to really know until it finally happens, but I am sure that Gods love will be with you AND your mom.

 

My dad is a pastor of a conservative church that does not support gay relationships.

When I come out this summer I am a bit worried about how members of the church community will treat him and my mother. I am pretty sure my parents won't be too accepting, but I would still not be surprised if elders in the church started blaming my parents for me being gay.

 

I thin you are overreacting. The hypocritical Christian scapegoaters are not worth your time.
Plus, your family could always switch churches to make it fit to your desires.

 

It does depend on the church denomination. My 12 year old son is attending confirmation and also attends school at our Lutheran Church (Missouri Synod) and it has mostly been fine. There have been some issues but both pastors have been supportive. I know the church's official beliefs are that homosexuality is a sin. That has never been forced onto us or our son, however, and the pastor has said to me that God doesn't make mistakes. So....it really will depend on your church and the pastor. That being said - that's an official position. How other parishioners treat your parents may be another matter altogether. Good luck! I can tell you that had our church given our son any trouble whatsoever, we would have been out of there in a heartbeat.

 

I have a friend who is a permanent deacon in the catholic church, who has a gay son. he has always talked about his son with great pride. I sensed that he may have been troubled or conflicted about his son, but everyone was always just loving and supportive. many people would expect that it would be just the opposite in the catholic church, but this is a reflection of what really goes on. of course, if he had been the one who was gay rather than his son, it would have been a different situation. but everyone was very open and accepting of his son. just one anecdote, but one that i witnessed.

 

I have had to distance myself from my home church. My fears have been justified. I had several church people that unfriended me when I started liking LGBT pages on FB. Granted, it was 4 out of 40 or so people. I don't care to have the only thought every time I go in there, "Is he going to preach against me today?" Now, while the pastor is not a class A jerk about it, I still don't want to deal with it.

I will go to my other pastor friend's church because I know he won't speak out against it in the pulpit. He has his own beliefs that it is sinful, but he has made a concerted effort to say that the church needs to love anyone regardless. He also put on a drama to reach out to LGBT people as a way of apologizing for the church demonizing gay people. The proceeds went to the Trevor Fund. While I would not call him an "ally", he is certainly not an enemy.

 

I like your response to their idiocy, which was to keep it in perspective (4 out of 40 unfriends means 90% of your friends didn't care. yay!). I used to always keep cleaning my tracks, but I've recently starting liking several LGBT pages on FB. It's a great way to get some interesting news. Funny thing is, someone doesn't even have to be gay to like the pages, so people are really homophobic to unfriend you. there are lots of people who are allies, and they follow those pages too. In fact, a couple of the sites that I have liked are actually "gay and allies" sites. and then there are some that are flat out LGBT. It's kind of another gentle way of coming out, in my view. so far, nobody has come up to me and said that they noticed that I liked a page, and does that mean I'm gay. Maybe that might provide an opportunity for someone else in the closet to talk to me, and that would certainly make it worth it to know that I have another friend in my situation. and if there ever is anyone who unfriends me because of it, I will be happy to know that they are someone I couldn't trust. Of course, unfriending is pretty explicit. there is the more insidious "restricted" that never lets you know that they have all but unfriended you. Ah, the mysteries of social media! :lol:

 

I'm not a parent, however my girlfriend's mother is very religious and is absolutely fine with gay people regardless of her strong faith.

As far as I know she hasn't been shunned at all for having a gay daughter, in fact a few of her friends who go to the same church have gay children too!

 

i worry that my parents will face backlash when i come out, they're older and staunch Salvationists. but i will have to tell them because once people see me with a same sex partner word will fly like a wildfire in a strong wind.

 

It really depends on the church. I mean there was this story I saw today http://emptyclosets.com/forum/current-events-world-news-lgbt-news/165201-priest-comes-out-during-mass.html which shows that some churches are totally fine with LGBT.

But some aren't. My parents let my sister and I play at our neighbours house despite the fact that they were lesbians and it got my dad thrown off the deacons board.

You just have to judge for yourself.

 

No matter how they react, it's not going to change our orientation.

 

I haven't really thought about how my coming out will affect my parents' standing in the community. I know that when I come out they'll have a lot of problems with me. I don't care about how religious ppl see me but my parents are devout Orthodox Jews and definitely will. While I'm praying that theyll support me when I come out, thanks for reminding me that they'll be getting plenty of crap too from our community if they do.

 

this made me realize something. Just like we don't choose our orientation, but we have to learn to live it, so also our parents (or other loved ones) don't get to choose to have a gay (or other) child, and they to have to learn to understand and accept it. If they choose to hide it, then they are choosing to live in a closet of their own making, no more healthy than us choosing the closet.

 

I can only talk about religious friends because I don't have religious parents.
My friends who range from Christian to Mormon to Catholic to JW to Muslim are all loving and accepting of me (and of me being gay).

I have a theory that they're so loving and accepting because it's in their nature of course, but also because they believe their gods will "approve" of them more if they are kind and compassionate and love everyone unconditionally.

Soooooooo, I guess the big question is ... is your mum's church one that believes in a loving god who loves love or a church that believes they have the right the judge people on their god's behalf?
I know which one I'd rather be part of.

 

I have already posted a link to this news article a few times, but it seems relevant to this thread:
Read what this Christian pastor promises to do if his children are gay | Gay Star News

I would encourage all LGBT Christians (and those who are in any way sympathetic to the struggle that LGBT Christians face) to read Pastor John Pavlovitz' most recent blog entry too:
john pavlovitz | Stuff That Needs To Be Said

Even if you are not a person of faith, it's great to read.

 

I know someone who was kicked out of his home when he came out to his "religious cult" member parents and has been living with his boyfriend for years. They don't even talk to him at all. But whenever they need sh*t, they are very open for discussion... You know maybe I should avoid these kind of threads because I can only hold my fury back for so long, but I'll say this. Is it worth causing suffering to YOUR OWN blood no less, in the name of any God?

 

Wow, you made me cry. That is so beautiful(John Pavlovitz of course).

 

My folks simply don't talk about it.