Dad might be gay - Advice Please

Slap a big cheeky grin on your face and go "So, Dad, is (guys name) your boyfriend or do you just fool around together?"

Sometimes you just have to be "straight" (no pun intended) about it. He may be taken aback, he may deny it. It may not be the case. But if he can see you are open and loving about it, he might just open up.

 

Just ask him.

Lack of communication causes a lot of problems when you think about it. You're his daughter and he clearly loves you, so you could just ask him. Tell him what you told us.

 

because you're his daughter, and the two of you clearly have a good relationship and love each other, a direct approach would be good. even if your wrong. "dad, I love you, and I want you to know that if --- is your significant other, I think that is really cool! So please, tell me all about it, because I want to share the joys of your life!!!" and watch his eyes. if you're way off base, just give him a hug and let him know that you just don't want him to ever feel that you won't love him. that's the message that I always try to communicate to my kids. how awesome to have a kid say that to her dad!!!(&&&)

 

Some people, even some who are out dont like discussing sex/sexuality. Many people who are more conservative whether they accept themselves as gay or not simply dont like to discuss these matters. I used to find that strange but as I've gotten older I respect the fact that there are other acceptable reason for not discussing ones sexuality in public, or private.

In a perfect world you should approach your father and say "Dad, you raised me to love others and accept them. I love you unconditionally. :sleep: With that in mind... you were wearing a ring the other night and removed it half way though the meal. You don't need to do that on my account. If its others you're afraid of, I have your back... pops!" So-oo Sappy! (&&&)

I think honesty in these situations is best and I bet this is how you feel, so go for it! He may or may not discuss his sexuality with you but he will now know with certainty that it is OK to discuss it with you!

Good luck! Awesome post by the way! Oh, and I don't know you or your dad so you know best! I just wanted to let you know that sometimes well played honesty is best all around!

 

Hey Dad. Look at these. Aren't they cute?

https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/165253873/mr-and-mr-his-and-his-coffee-mugs-gay?ref=market

If you ever have a boyfriend, tell me, I want to get you some.

 

Talk to him!

 

:roflmao: :eusa_clap .

No but seriously! You need to communicate with your father in order for him to open up to you. Love him dearly however things turn out, after all he's your only father, and I'm sure he loves you dearly.

 

I agree with Martin. Talk about LGBT issues or watch shows with gay couples with him and drop hints so he knows you're ok with it. If he hasn't come out to you yet he might not be ready but knowing you're fine with it might help him and encourage him to give the step. My father is gay too, and before cpming out to me we watched movies with gay characters and talked abou LGBT topics. I didn't know at the time but he was just making sure I was fine with it.

 

Agree with Martin.

Probably it is a cultural thing but wheter you have a good relationship or not he is your father after all.

He might be not comfortable with whole gay thing himself. If you confront him it might backfire.

I agree drop subtle or non subtle hints. I don't know your family's holiday tradition but as we lost Robin Williams this year, watching Birdcage (a movie about gay couple and their troubles with hiding themselves) and making points over those couples might make your daddy more comfortable if not make him come out.

Coming out is a process have different timing and priorities to each indivudal. Let him walk the way, you just light lanterns so he can know path to you is safe... if this makes any sense...

 

They do raise a valid point and I feel like my earlier post didn't really take that into account. So maybe the answer is to just be accepting and warm to this guy, whatever his relationship to your dad is, he's clearly important enough to be included in family events and holidays etc. The rest isn't actually that important.

 

Just jumping back in to say I disagree with Martin.

His situation about parents talking to kids isn't comparable. Generally when parents find out their kids are gay their kids haven't fully come out. Also they're, well, kids.

In this situation you're both adults. And your dad is so out of the closet he's wearing a wedding ring, his relationship can't get anymore public really. By the looks of it the only person he's hiding this from is you.

Why you though? Well judging from posts about parents coming out to their kids, they tend to be worried about how their kids will react. I mean he was gay when he got with your mum and gave birth to you, so there's a lot of different aspects to that. Ultimately it doesn't matter, it doesn't mean anything to how much he loves you, and by the looks of it you know that.

Another things is above people mention there could be "unintended consequences" or it could "backfire". But that's just vague fear mongering. Think about it, what's the worst that could happen? You're his daughter for Christ sake and he's so out of the closet he's wearing a wedding ring.

Handle it delicately of course, but don't be afraid to communicate due to vague fears of (???). By the looks of it you don't see each other that often and it has been about 4-6 years already you think. You've been dropping hints for years too, how much more years will it have to be before you stop dropping hints about you not caring who he loves, or how you totally like this gay couple on a TV show, before you both just finally communicate with each other?

He's your dad, he loves you, but he's obviously scared about how you'll react. Just talk to him. You could just sit down with him and start by saying you saw him wearing a wedding ring, or heck you could just tell him everything you told us. If you talk there's no reason to beat around the bush due to vague fears that are being caused by a lack of communication. Don't be afraid to show him you love him.

 

I agree with Martin. To me it's just making it clear that you're okay with gay people. My old best friend made that clear like November of last year and I ended up telling him early January of this year. It takes time but it will happen. Good luck. Don't rush him.

 

If you don't want to just ask him, which might be awkward for some people, you can drop even bigger hints of how supportive you are. Maybe you can say "Dad, I had a dream that same sex couples could marry all over the world. It was fantastic, everyone was happy and smiling... I wish that was real life, it would be great."

I don't know, but I don't really suggest asking him face to face because as Martin the EC Admin said: Adults need privacy too.

 

I'm a gay dad and my ex outed me to the kids without advising me and without my permission. My two older kids were ok with it, but my younger son did not take it as well.

It took the younger one a long time to deal with this, partly because it was an additional event just following the divorce which he also did not take well.

All to say that parents are very wary of doing anything that could possibly harm their kids, or even to make them uncomfortable. I agree with Martin, forcing the issue is probably not the best idea, but preparing the ground, as it were, in order to reassure him that you are 100% ok with this is definitely the best approach.

You can talk about this "friend" you have who is gay and who has a partner (and what you think of that), or you could talk about marriage equality in the US, or discuss what you think of homophobes, etc. More importantly, try strengthening your relationship with him first, call more often (Dad talking here, why don't the kids ever call!), let him know you care, etc.

If he is, he will tell you when he feels comfortable doing so, this will require patience on your part.

 

you could mention sometime with gay marriage in the news and that you fully support it. and let that simmer for a bit, and drop little bread crumbs here and there. then at least he'll have an idea that you are accepting.

 

Okay here are my thoughts. Let him come to you when he is ready. If he wanted you to know right now he would have told you. This may be harsh but this is his business, and until he comes to you it should remain his business. Just be there for him, and whenever he is ready come to him. I have been asked many times by friends, family members if I was gay and I did not like that whatsoever. I felt ambushed, and rushed to say.

 

I gave my mom hints by watching a movie with her, it's called bridegroom and it's about a gay couple, one of the two dies and the other can't go in to see him because they weren't legal married it's sad but while you watch it make it clear to him that you think SSM is totally ok and share your point of view. Make him feel that you understand and that you love him either way this worked with my mom but I was checking for her reaction and she said she couldn't bele that this kind of stuff happened even today, I was in my head like damnit! But she continued, why would they discriminate against these two for loving one another that's so wrong! Love is love! And I in my head thought *wow I love you mother* haha