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7 year old son told me he likes boys

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Shana, Jan 14, 2015.

  1. Shana

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    Hi everyone

    I was in the car a few days ago and my son asked me if I like boys or girls. I thought about it as his question was out of nowhere and replied boys. He then said I like boys. I said ok. We reached where we were going and I said to him before did you mean singing (when he asked the song we were singing along to was being sung by a male) he said no. I said did you mean friends? He said no I said as a boyfriend and he did the whole little kid ewww thing. Saying he never wants to get married. I told him that it's ok and left it. I rang his dad and we spoke about it and he is slightly shocked but still loves him no matter what. Yesterday his dad told him I told him and asked him a few questions the most memorial being do you think boys are cute? to which he replied sometimes, got nervous/embarrassed and his dad said ok and left it.

    He seems to still be in the confused point of childhood and I was just wondering how I can support him and what not to say/do? I feel honored that he felt he could ever talk to me in the first place and I don't want to ruin that in anyway. It has to be hard enough without feeling that you have no one.

    Thanks for your time.
     
  2. QueerTransEnby

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    The best thing is to be there to answer questions and not force the issue. Just tell him that you are always there to listen about anything and that you will be there for him, he will get the point. He sounds like he is still figuring it out. A lot of kids do not know their sexuality until their teens.
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    I agree with the previous poster. If he raises the subject again, reassure him and let him know that it's fine, but don't question him. At this stage he may have some low-level awareness, but he needs time and space to work things out for himself in a loving family. Sounds like you're very willing to offer all the love in the world and that's the most important thing of all.

    Going forward I would suggest you try to speak about relationships in as neutral a way as possible. If he knows you value all relationships equally and don't have big expectations that he will be straight, married and father children one day, it will make a difference.

    Well done to you and his Dad for handling it so well. :thumbsup: Many wouldn't have reacted so calmly.
     
  4. JustKat

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    I work in a school with kindergarten children. Sometimes they joke about boys liking boys or girls like girls. Sometimes I can tell it seems very genuine. I wouldn't get upset and I would just reassure him that its OK if he likes boys, its OK if he likes girls and its just fine if he likes both. I agree about being completely neutral on relationships and just be casual about it, answering any questions he has in a developmentally appropriate way.
     
  5. Fallingdown7

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    You should just be supportive and go with the flow, you did an excellent job already. If he really is right in who he is, then your attitude you have given up will help up develop as a healthy adult.
     
  6. Brandiac

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    If he does turn out to be gay or bi, then he's going to have a major advantage in life thanks to your support: A non-tramatizing childhood, which many members here did not have. And for what? For one preference in their lives?

    Your attitude towards his statements shows a lot of intelligence to me, just keep it up knowing that if there were more parents like you, the world could be a better place :slight_smile:
     
  7. banana1

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    Shana, I am shure you are a great parent!

    When I was at that age I couldn't differenciate between love and friendship...
    Lets see what he says when he get's older :wink:
     
  8. HunGuy

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    This does not necessarily mean that he's attracted to boys. When I was 7 years old, we had a 'boy team' and a 'girl team' in our class, and we were basically enemies :slight_smile:, making evil plans to attack each other and drawing maps of the school's backyard where our 'bases' were located.
    This was based on the idea that 'girls are stupid and boys rule' and the other way, but it was just a way we processed the differences between the sexes. I think if you had asked any of us back then, all of us would have also said that we liked our kind better (because the other one was 'stupid').
     
  9. StephenB

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    Every person is different. When I was 5 I asked my best friend to marry me. He said yes. I was crushed and confused when my parents explained boys don't marry boys. Was it just friendship with boys, nothing more, as others have said? In my case, I think I knew. Obviously I didn't understand sex, and definitely not gay sex. I just knew I liked boys.

    I would, as others have mentioned, not push the issue, but make sure he knows he's safe in a gender neutral environment. When things come up regarding relationships, or you quiz him on girls he's interested in like all parents do, make it more neutral. "Are there any girls or boys in class you like?"

    You seem to be doing an amazing job. But realize that ignoring his revelation and acting like it never happened, could, make him feel as though it wasn't an ok revelation to make. It could make him bottle up for years to come. As I've said, just try to keep things comfortable and welcoming, and gender neutral :slight_smile: .
     
  10. Aussie792

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    StephenB raises an important point. While you mustn't obsess over it or expect him to answer with the awareness of someone who's gone through puberty, you can't let it just be hidden. Be absolutely open about sexuality and consider him gay for now - if that's what he's come out as, it's likely that he knows what he's feeling.

    Just be calm about it and treat it as an everyday thing - remember that for gay people, it absolutely is and your son needs to be encouraged to do so. I'd be so grateful to have my three years from 12-15 back, when I realised, without maddening guilt, worry and shame.
     
  11. Minnie

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    Just don't get awkward about it. His liking boys shouldn't be treated differently to if he likes girls. The only issues are if he gets bullied about it later in life, or hears homophobic taunts etc at school - you need to make sure he knows that sexual orientation is nothing to be ashamed of. For the time being, he is young so hopefully there won't be any taunting like there is in secondary school. :slight_smile:
     
  12. AlexPanda94

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    Just listen, answer questions if he has any, support him and love him for who he is. He may be confused right now about what he's feeling or he may not be either way he's still the same boy he was before he told you this and you should treat him no differently.
    - You sound like a great mother by the way. :slight_smile:
     
  13. lilrocket

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    Shana you are an amazing parent! I am sure there are so many other people reading, wishing their own parents were as open minded and accepting and loving.

    Pretty much this!
     
  14. Sh1f73r

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    Just tell him to be himself and go with the flow
     
  15. poetofdarkness

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    Tell him that it's ok if he likes boys, it's ok if he likes girls, it's ok if he likes both and it's ok if he likes neither. And that it's also ok if he doesn't want to be a boy. These are the things I wish I had been told when I was 7.
     
  16. newby1991

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    Hi Shana

    At age 7 I doubt he really understands himself fully. A lot more growing, understanding and exploring yet.

    But I tell you one thing, I hide my sexuality for one major reason. I do not want to disappoint my parents. Me hiding it has caused a lot of pain for me. The best thing for him is to be able to grow up with family who supports homosexuality. I only could wish for that to happen in my life. Whether his gay or straight, doesn't matter, a supportive family of either sexuality is something I could only wish for.
     
  17. Libra71

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    Hi Shana,

    Another mother of seven year old here. I just want to add to the opinions in this thread that there is not a lot you can do at this point in time - given the development stage of a 7-year old, the dynamic changes in their understanding of...everything and whether the meaning they attribute to the things they say is similar to that of an adult. Your reaction so far has been great, you are lucky now to be in the position that you know something might be up and all you can do is to give that sense of normality to your son (ok to like boys), answer his questions honestly and just be there for him without making a big deal out of the whole thing or bring it up again and again. After all, he is just a seven year old :slight_smile: and his focus and interests shift fast.

    My son never clearly expressed an interes in boys per se but he is aware that he can have a boy/girl-friend, can marry one or the other etc. We were camping not long ago and he expressed very clearly that he liked this boy he met at the camp ground. Now, that's not a 'coming out' confession but there could be more meaning to it than the general 'i like this person'. What I learned from EC though, is that it is not a good idea to to make assumptions so early on regarding orientation, not dismiss it either but rather take a neutral stance.

    There is actually a good thread on this from last year. Here is the link if you got time to read: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/paren...ts-please-dont-assume-sexual-orientation.html

    Best wishes to you&family. Would be good hear how things are going for you.
     
  18. RemakeJake

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    I just want to give you a virtual high five for being a cool mom. You're already ahead of the game here in terms of that. As simple as it is, just being their for your child is the perfect thing, and really the only thing, you need to do. <3
     
  19. offmychest

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    he is only 7. he could like guys now and like girls later. he is just vocalizing what most kids at this age or in previous generations may have felt but instinctively knew that they needed to repress and hide for self preservation. if i had a kid and they told me that, i would have done with both you and your husband did and just left it alone. i would not bring it up again or make a big deal of it. i would just let nature take its course and not try and push him one way or the other. it's like being left handed when everyone tries and forces you to write as a right handed person. just let him be him and whatever will be will be.
     
  20. Shana

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    Thank you everyone for your feed back. I will take the advice you gave me StephenB of asking questions like "Are there any girls or boys in class you like?" instead of the standard questioning.

    Also thank you for the comments about us being good parents. As long as our baby grows up happy and healthy we don't care who he loves be it a boy or a girl and we feel that's the way it should be.