I think my little brother might be gay

What age is he? Is it just that you didn't find any evidence that he is straight in his internet history? Was there anything 'gay' in his internet history?

 

he may be questioning or possibly doing research

 

You obviously care about your brother or you would not be here at all.

I think the most important part is that he knows that you do care about him despite this.

He's still your brother and nothing really changed.

 

Hmm how about your brother's general tech awareness? If he is very keen on tech stuff like many people around his age, do you think that "stuff" can be accidental or a possible lead for you to follow.

In normal circumstances I would say try to open him up talking about LGBT issues however around your age that might backfire as I understand what you posted your relationship are similar to ours (my brother and I) at your age.

Probably a straight forward approach would be best. Ask him about the stuff you find... tell him it doesn't matter for you but might for your parents and warn him about being carefull in big brotherly way. Make him understand you will be there for him no matter what, you still love him and will look after him.

That is what I would do.

 

Finding out your brother is gay doesn't make him a different person than the one you've known his whole life. He's still gonna like football and dress like a boy and be a boy. Nothing about that should affect your relationship. I Know it's hard to get past your preconceived notions about gay people - it was for me and still is for the people I've told. Try to imagine how your brother must be feeling. He's probably really confused and scared, especially if he has no one to talk to about it. As hard as it is to realize someone close to you is gay, it's harder to be gay. So do wtvr you can to support your brother, he's really gonna need it.

 

Dem stereotypes tho.

Bruh, people don't have to be effeminite to be gay, nor do they have to be masculine to be lesbian. That is the first thing you must know. Second, you must never discredit someone's orientation/gender identity due to their stereotypical status. It's one of the worst things you can do. Thirdly, I get the fact that the way you've been brought up has influenced your thoughts towards the LGBT community. But after all, he is your brother and considering your concern for your parents reaction, all you can do is be there for him; regardless of whether you ask him about it.

Essentially, support him.

 

Protect him and be nice to him. Also, if you can, say positive things about gay people. (Not out of the blue, just when it's appropriate. )

 

First off: thanks for joining! It may be quite a shock, and maybe you're a bit of a casual homophobe in daily life, but coming on here to ask us about it proves that you're having your brother's best interests at heart!


I think it's worth stressing one thing: you may be kind of shocked right now, and it may make you suddenly reconsider a lot of things in the past and about your brother, but in the end: this doesn't change all that much. He's still the guy you know. You just now know a bit more about him!

He's not suddenly going to ditch the football for ballet or start to dress in pink, he's not suddenly going to unleash his inner lisp. He might continue to listen to Taylor Swift, though

And yeah, he might end up dating another bloke. But let's face it: you wouldn't get a vote in who he dated even if it was a girl. Hell, maybe it's more fun having another guy than a girlfriend to take along to football.
And you're probably better off not imagining the sex life of siblings, even if they're straight



As for how to bring it up: I guess that just asking him point-blank is probably not going to help much, no. He'll be used to denying it, so denial is what you'll get.
One thing you could do is to avoid any homophobic remarks for now. He probably suspects you aren't serious, but it can make him more hesitant to open up (I definitely always hesitated coming out to my brother, with the amount of "fag" and "homo" remarks he threw around at times).
Maybe you could even mention something supportive every so often. (If it's appropriate. He'll probably be able to tell ASAP if you suddenly start mentioning gay topics left and right). And just being neutral about gay people is supportive already.

If you really feel like discussing it would clear the air, you may be able to bring it up sideways. Something like: "Hey, I needed your computer and accidentally opened your history. Not that it's any business of mine, and I really don't mind what you look at, but you may want to be a bit more careful about deleting your history once in a while!"
That's not a guaranteed success. He may decide to claim a virus, or a persistent pop-up that he cant get rid of, or a nebulous friend occasionally using his computer. So don't expect any miracles either.

In any case: don't be too afraid about what would happen if he came out to you. You'll just most likely get to hear his point of view, some details about how long he's known, that sort of stuff. Not exactly like talking about the latest football match, but nothing you can't handle either!

 

Well most of us doesn't wear skirts or act feminine. Being gay is not related to great desire to be a woman or woman-like. This is very common misconception planted with flamboyant effiminine stereotyping you will see in media and even between ordinary people. When you say someone act gay... even to some gay men as well... they tend to act that way... Just like that ad campaign "Like a girl".

Being family is about giving chances to each other, trying to bear with terrible circumstances and keep your family close when everyone else can run the other direction. So as a big brother you should take a deep breath and show your brother what he really meant to you. Give him a chance to show you being gay is just a part of him, not all of him... he will continue doing what he did so far. He will be your baby brother.

I think maybe starting with a phone call shouldn't be bad. Maybe you should feel more comfortable this way instead of standing face to face with him. When you openly mention it, it will be more real to you. You will probably have a "weird" phase as you will don't know what to say, how to sit, act next to him. So taking this out by phone calls can ease that time for both of you.

Good luck to you. Be brave and stay strong.(*hug*)

 

That would be ideal way to approach. In the end you know your brother best.

I agree with what Filip said but however both methods would fail with me unless you corner me with die hard evidence. In your movie case I would even think you are also gay... ha ha I was a stupid teen, what can I say.

 

Do not tell him you saw the links. Everyone would be horrified if a family member went up to them like 'Hey I saw your porn links' now imagine a gay guy who is closeted and gets found out that way by his brother. You really don't need to tell him you saw the links and asking him if he is gay is putting him on the spot and he may not be ready to talk to ANYBODY about it so you should definitely not ask.

As you said you have called people 'names' in the past etc so if he has ever heard you say anything remotely homophobic, he remembers every time you said something like that. Trust me gay people can recount every single time a family member said something anti-gay, you never forget it. He's probably worried about how you might react, as you said your parents would probably not take it well so he's probably very worried about how everyone might react. Your parents not being supportive isn't something to be taken lightly. You might think this is hard for you to take in but just remeber it's a LOT harder to be a gay kid with parents who aren't supportive. Let me not quote the depression and suicide rates. If you want to support him just make sure you never say negative things again. If something gay-related comes up in any way try to subtly hint you're supportive.

Forget about the stereotypes. The reason it seems like all gay guys are feminine is because they are the ones who stick out of the crowd! Most gay men aren't effeminate and most certainly do NOT have a lisp. If someone isn't obviously camp or effeminate, people never assume they are gay however that doesn't mean they aren't, they're just automatically safe in the closet. See, even you said you don't know any gay people outside from that one person. That's pretty much impossible that she's the only gay person you know. It's just that you don't know who else is gay because they don't fit a stereotype - example: your brother!

Your brother is still the same brother he was before you found out about the porn links. He still likes football. He isnt going to start parading around with a boa wrapped around his neck and he isn't going to start speaking with a lisp. He is your brother, not a stereotype. He was gay before you knew about it, the only difference is that now you know and you didn't before.

---------- Post added 12th Feb 2015 at 07:37 AM ----------

That's a very good idea.