We've been married for 7 yrs and have no kids. Around a year ago I realized that my wife is seriously contemplating whether she might be gay. Can't go in details, but I was kind of shocked and did not react to this in any way. She doesn't probably know that I suspect anything, however the signs are hard not to notice. I see how she looks at other girls, how she enjoys going to gay clubs, how her style has changed or how much she spends time on LGBT blogs and sites. I also know she hasn't cheated on me, because I trust her. I see how much she suffers because of the situation. Neither of us is very open so it is hard to discuss these things. We seem to be stuck in a dead zone and I've got no clue how to go frwd. Should I/can I bring it up and ask her directly whether she is gay? I'm afraid to push her to make hasty decisions. Maybe she is bi or just curious and it is a phase? Sorry if this sounds stupid. I'm also afraid that if I don't ask then she might hide her feelings, never tell anything and live a life that in principle is a lie. Regardless of what she would tell I would still support her and care about her feeling. I would just like us moving on with our lives, either together or apart, but at the moment I'm just so very confused and don't know how long this period will last. Anyone been in a similar situation?
Hi, Why can't you 'go into details'? It's an anonymous forum, you can go into as much detail as you like. :icon_wink What do you mean exactly by 'how her style has changed and how she looks at girls'? Every woman looks at other women for comparison and just because women are pretty, it doesn't mean they are gay. And lots of straight irls o to gay clubs! Or is it specifically a lesbian club she goes to? Has all of this really just suddenly come out of the blue? Like she never told you anything about liking women or even being curious at all?
The only solution to this problem is talking about it, even if you both are uncomfortable. Or maybe writing her a note stating what you feel if you think you can't actually talk it out
I think you should talk with her about it. maybe not necessarily directly ask her about her sexuality, but explain how you are feeling right now with your relationship.. she sounds like she is becoming distant from you, or at least you feel this way? idk. but I would tell her this, and maybe the truth will emerge. you could maybe mention gay people too, and see her reaction. as much as it would not be such a good thing to force her to come out, it isn't a good thing for you to live a lie with her, you deserve to live your own life too. so I think finding an equilibrium is the important thing.
Hey, there's a section of this forum, LGBT Later in Life, which is full of people who had been married for years but who came out as gay. There's people who are still in the closet and thinking about coming out, and people from all various stages of the coming out process. Your situation is quite delicate. It's hard to say what the right decision is, in fact I have no idea what you should do. Generally in this section you'll get responses from people of all ages, in a bunch of different situations, but some of the advice you'll be given here might not work in the marriage environment. So basically, my advice to you would be to remake this thread in the LGBT Later in Life section. The advice you'll get there will be more specific and helpful to your situation I'm sure. Good luck, I wish you the best.
