Son came out to me

One of the ways to support your son is to just show him you love him and nothing has changed really. You sound like you're on the right track already. Also it's ok to be scared, or even upset for a while, that's perfectly normal. I'd suggest not showing him if you are though, as he will blame himself, and those feelings will pass anyone.

One thing I'd suggest is not "ignoring" it. Like for example, you might wait for him to bring it up again, but chances are he wont (it's a big life changing event coming out, it takes time to adjust) and if you don't bring it up again he might think you're trying to pretend it never happened. So, from time to time, just ask him if there's any boys or girls he likes or something.

Don't expect an answer though, you are his mum, and he is still a 15 year old boy. But he will remember you asked and it'll make him feel more at ease.

 

hey Missgypsy, welcome to EC

as for what you can do for your son, Love him; which you are already doing. it's a rough thing learning your sexuality as a teen, straight or not, however, he is learning it now not having to repress it till later in life like too many of us. with your support im sure he will get through it. as for your ex, i assume that this is his father, do you need to tell him if he is hateful? i am a single parent of a teen boy as well, and protecting him is my number 1 as well, maybe not so much as a closet but a firewall between him and the ex would be wise? if it isn't his father, i would say the ex has no business knowing anything, period.

hope this helps.(*hug*)

 

I'd just like to say as someone who came out as a similar age that you should help educate him on what he's thinking, try and see if there any local LGBT youth groups in the area. Guiding him to those could be one of the most helpful things you can do. And don't be afraid to ask questions, just don't ask any you wouldn't ask him where he straight. Ie: It's perfectly fine to ask him if he has a boyfriend, and talk to him about safety, just as a mother of a straight child would.
I have a lot of respect for you as a mother and under you care and love, I have no doubt your son will thrive. Your reaction is an example to mothers everywhere

 

Teenage boys who are gay or bisexual often find it difficult to build self-esteem. I know it can sound trite, or even narcissistic, but we all need to love ourselves in order to lead happy, fulfilling lives. When we are your son’s age, we look to peers to provide us with the affirmation we need to develop a sense of self worth and, yes, self love. But often our peers are homophobic, not always intentionally or consciously, but often they are.

Aside from our peers, we look to our parents. However distant teenagers may appear to be, most still absorb what their parents tell them. So your opportunity, now that you know of your son’s sexuality, is to provide the affirmative input he so desperately needs. Do it gently and without exaggeration. Do it authentically. Do it from your heart, not your mind. And you will be doing something magical for him. It will give him strength.

 

Start right here, what are your questions? There are many people, on both sides of the issue, gay/bi males, and mothers of them, that can give input. Ask away. Maybe even show him this site, so he has an outlet to ask if he's not comfortable asking you.

All I can tell you about being bisexual is that crushes, feelings, emotions, breakups, all feel the same, guy or gal (for me at least.) So, you should feel comfortable using your own experience with men as a guide when these issues come up. My self-confidence was shattered as a teenager. As your son is developing and growing, make sure he knows that he is a good looking kid.

Make sure you go over safe sex/dating. Beyond STD's, there's a lot of unsavory characters out there who would prey on your son. Make sure he knows basic internet safety, like not giving out personal info. Make sure he knows to meet in a public place, preferably not alone, if he's meeting a stranger. Heck, if you are very accepting, then tell him he can date anyone he wants (under 18,) as long as you meet the guy or girl. I would strongly suggest you tell him not to go on any of the gay/bi dating/hookup sites. Besides being underage, there are to many people who would take advantage of your son. I wont go into the horror stories I've heard recently, but make sure he knows you will come get him whenever he wants to leave someplace. Make sure he knows that he doesn't owe anyone access to his body. Taking someone out to a date and paying their meal or whatever, doesn't mean you have to go any further than that.

Establish rules & boundaries for dating/relationships. Like no sleepovers, or what not. Or no texting and talking on the phone till 2am. Always check in when you arrive and leave places, things like that.

We've done this with our now 15 year old son, just so he knows what the boundaries are. Heck, a year and a half ago he wanted to invite his "girlfriend" over to a sleepover with him, and 2 other guy friends of his. Hard explaining to him that wasn't something that was going to happen.

Good luck, and God Bless you for being open, accepting, and loving. Just keep that up, and you should do fine.

 

Good news is you are in Austin which is the best place in Texas for lgbt folk.

You should look into out youth. I have heard many good things about them, and have some friends who were members when they where younger. Out Youth

 

Hey, welcome to EC. I was 16 when I came out to my mum. She is really supportive but she rarely brings it up. My advice is : Talk to him. Make him feel comfortable with you. He will open & trust you if you show him your support & listen to all of what he has to say. I'm sure he's been hiding for a long time. He needs you now, so just show the great mum that you are

 

As humans, social creatures, we look upon others for our self esteem. We hold our caretakers' feelings at high regard. Just try to talk to your son about it just like it is no different of a situation than any other person. Most importantly, don't act like anything has changed because of his coming out, if he feels that it was a burden on you, he will feel at fault for his sexuality. I know it's often hard to empathize with, but just try your best to understand.

I wish you and your son many happy times.

 

I was 16 when I came out to my parents as bisexual. I guess the best thing you can do is showing him that you love and support him - don't even hesitate to ask him questions, I'm sure he'll be happy that you're interested