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help please

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by mkris, Mar 22, 2015.

  1. mkris

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    ok so im straight and the reason im here is for my best friend
    i found this site by typing gay help ok so my problem is
    my best bud is gay he has recently told me and i was okay with that cos its pretty normal i guess and he cant help it but the thing is he confessed he was gay for me
    which was kinda akward
    and so i couldnt talk to him for while i dont hate him or anything its just it makes me feel uncomfortable so ive been ignoring him
    but recently we met up and i made up and said he is still my best friend anyway cos even if he was gay hes still a cool person
    but i started realising he would get really controlling over me
    like i would hang with other mates but he would get really angry and stuff he would be really angry at me and my friends
    he told me he was jealous
    which kinda makes me uncomfortable
    anyway move on etc anyway so something happened one day
    when we went camping with other friends and as other friends kinda felt uncomforablish with him etc i had to share a room with him and bed cos it was a double bed which now i think was a bad idea cos
    on that day he actually... um he pushed me or held me down on the bed while i was on my phone etc and i thought he was just trying to fight? so i tried throw him off etc and
    : / yeh he we are the same height and size i guess hes a little bigger than me cos he goes to the gym etc anyway he pushed against me and tried to kiss me which was not okay but i was like in awe? or like i was just suprised so couldnt do anything for like a few seconds but yeh i asked him to stop and get off etc fyi i am not gay i like women like i he knew i liked this girl anyway it was really gross no offense cos he started to rub up against me which was really awkward anyway i tried to push him off but he kept holding me tighter but at this point was really grossed out so i just kicked him off
    he apologised and stuff etc but for the rest of the night it was so awkward and i was so grossed out no offense but yeh i wanted to get out of the room and just sleep in someone elses room anyway i dont forgive him totally but i dont hate him i think ill try to ignore what happened or something : / i didnt sleep and the next day it was really awkward anyway i dont know what to do cos now he keeps trying to contact me and stuff but i dont want to say to him or like i dont know what to do cos i clearly told him that i dont swing that way etc like jesus its really awkward and i dont want others to think im gay as well no offense but some guys thought i was gay and we were a couple like no its really gross no offense but it just makes me feel really uncomfortable so i dont know what to do.
    sorry for no gramma : /:confused:
     
  2. Quem

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    Hey mkris,

    You clearly told him that you do not like this kind of behaviour, and the fact that he doesn't listen properly is not okay in my opinion. If he really is your friend, he should listen. =) And you were "frozen" for a bit, but that's normal. If people are caught by surprise, they sometimes don't do anything at all.

    You have all the right to find it gross, simply tell him that you don't like this at all. If he can't listen/agree, then perhaps he's not a right friend for you. He should respect your opinion and not force you to do things you don't appreciate.

    Good luck! :icon_bigg
     
  3. LaEsmeralda

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    He was completely out of line doing that to you, and if any of my friends tried to force themselves on me like that, they'd be out of my life immediately.

    I think it's important that you make your stance clear to him. You still like him as a friend but you think his behaviour, the jealousy, the aggression, the clingyness, the fact that he isn't respecting you or what you want at all, is completely unacceptable. It sounds like you've already told him all this but he's continuing to be an asshole regardless. Perhaps it's time to let the friendship go. No real 'friend' would treat you like this.
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    Agree with Quem and LaEsmeralda. I'm not going to defend him - he was out of line and I actually think you are taking it pretty well to still want to be his friend. Many people in your position wouldn't be so understanding.

    A gay guy, with straight guy friends, needs to understand and accept the boundaries of the friendship. It doesn't matter how hot you find your mates, you can't make someone be gay or bi if they are straight.

    Don't ignore him, but do make it clear that you won't keep giving him chances. If he takes the piss again you might need to think about the friendship.
     
  5. Clay

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    Man I can't believe you're even considering being friends with a dick like that. Cut him out of your life immediately is what I say.
     
  6. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    What he did is NOT okay. It's important to respect people's boundaries. It's good that you can accept him being gay, but that doesn't mean you have to share the same kind of feelings. Your consent is important.
     
  7. PossumJack

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    What that guy did literally qualifies as sexual assault. It doesn't matter what sexuality he is, what he did is NOT OK. It's good that you accept him being gay, but that doesn't mean he can cross that line when you expressed very clearly that you want to remain friends.

    You need to tell him that you're very uncomfortable with the way he is acting and that he needs to stop. If he continues to behave this way then he's a really shitty friend. To be honest I'd stop being a friend with such a dickhead the moment he tried to force you into something without consent but it's ultimately your choice.
     
  8. dano218

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    I agree with what others said. Your being very nice, accepting, and patient with him and even though I commend you for that he does not deserve you as a friend. I had the same kind of experience with girls literally throwing themselves at me and it crosses a very fine line of respect and trust.
     
  9. guitar

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    As the others have said, what he did is NOT okay. You need to sit down with him and make it perfectly clear that you're happy being his friend but that's it. You're not attracted to him, you're not interested in guys, and you're not interested in him in that way.

    I give you all of the credit in the world for still wanting to be his friend and not just casting him off. It's the sign of being a true friend. But you need to make clear to him what the boundaries are and what the expectations are. Ask him how that would make him feel if a girl were crushing on him and suddenly did that kind of thing? It would probably feel awkward as hell.

    This is only partially related, but whenever I've come to out a straight male friend and told them I'm gay, I've always told them "This changes nothing between us, other than the fact that you now know which gender I want to kiss, and why you would see me with a boyfriend. We're friends just like before. I'm not into you on any level other than being your friend. I'm not attracted to you, and won't even consider doing anything with you remotely sexual." You might want to talk to him and tell him a version of this speech that fits you.
     
  10. YermanTom

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    Normally on this site gay guys are dealing with obnoxious straight bastards. Your post proves that there are some really nice straight guys that have to deal with horrible gay guys.
    Ask yourself these questions: If a really ugly woman behaved like that to what would your reaction be? If a guy behaved like that to your sister what would your reaction be?

    The world needs more cool and reasonable guys like you, but you do need to learn to tell some people (politely) to F*** off when necessary.
    It is quite possible that saying "you are still my friend but f- off with the sex shit" may rescue your friendship.
    I hope everything works out.