My son told me he thinks he's bisexual

I guess other people will be able to give you more advice than I can, as I am not a parent or bisexual, but I think you are fantastic! The fact that your son felt able to tell you this shows how much he trusts you. Not every child feels as able to be so open with a parent. My suggestion, for what it is worth, is to let him speak to you if and when he wants, but not to push him. He knows you are accepting. That's great.

I guess children have to work some things out themselves. Parental support is great. If they want help and know they can ask for it, that's great too. But I wouldn't push.

 

As someone who is bisexual, don't push him. Let him know you want to support him and you'll do whatever he needs you to but don't do anything until he asks you for help or talks to you about it again.

As for worrying about the guy he said he likes, don't worry too much. If he's straight then it's definitely going to be hard for your son but we've all had to get over impossible crushes before and eventually he will get over it and he'll be fine. Let him figure that out on his own, but if he asks for help or advice be there to give it to him or just to reassure him.

The fact that he has such an awesome mom who accepts him and supports him is great in it's own right, and everything else will work out eventually. Good luck to both you and your son

 

So far so good. Make sure he knows you love him for who he is and are happy he felt he could share that with you. Careful wording here, avoid anything that sounds like "I still love you even tho" and the likes, because you don't want to make it sound like being non-str8 is not as good.
Make sure he knows you're there to talk whenever he feels the need to discuss that topic.
Make sure he knows you'll respect that it's "his story" and it's up to him to tell anyone else when he feels ready to.

Also may be helpful to tell him that if he ever feels like it's becoming a source of anxiety/stress/difficult to deal with, that you are willing to help him find some third-party counselling, because that's what it's there for. Again careful wording required, the counselling is to help him process and accept his orientation, not to "cure him" because there's nothing wrong with it.

From your initial post, I do get the impression you don't judge him negatively for it (and that makes you one of those awesome parents many of us wished we had growing up), I'm just mentioning the need for careful wording to re-enforce the importance that HE needs to hear it from you and be 100% confident you're on his side.

 

I'm glad to see a supportive mom looking for help. Don't be awkward about it, maybe just a bit held back on it at first. It's something new so it might be odd for him. Wait until something related pops up in conversation or on tv. If you see something honestly interesting about the topic, maybe bring it up. That could spark a conversation and get you both used to it.

 

I was originally going to tell you what I wish my mom would have done different when I became more comfortable with my sexuality but I felt like it would have sounded more like I was telling you how to parent your son.

I think it's great that you're looking for support and how to handle it, because my mom didn't talk about it much. She told me she was accepting of it but she didn't offer much help or advice as to how I should handle things. She didn't give me a talk about safe sex, or that I should be careful putting myself out to certain people.

Other than that, I think that what you're doing is great and that coming here asking for support was a great step. He might be uncomfortable himself bringing it up to you again, because I was for the longest time too. I also think that his decision, depending on what type of school he goes to or area you live in, to not tell anyone was smart. It can be really difficult sometimes.

 

As a bisexual and a parent, there is a lot of good advice above. I want to address these concerns exactly.

Talk to your son about sex, relationships, love, lust, broken hearts, and being attracted to someone who wont return it. The emotions and feelings are just the same. The hurt of rejection stings just much who ever the source. That's what I've found at least.

Being safe online is no different, being safe with sex is the same, being safe when meeting anyone off the internet is the same.

Whether your child is interested in the same, opposite, both, or all, you need to talk to them about this stuff. How your son relates to his sexuality and how he expresses it, that's something you have to leave up to him, and maybe guide him. And set boundaries with while he's under your roof.

---------- Post added 26th Apr 2015 at 12:07 AM ----------

BTW I have a 15 year old son, have the safety talk with him first, and caution him against going onto any of the gay/bi specific hookup apps out there. None of them are appropriate at his age, and I've seen 15 year olds on there.

 

Welcome! You're being an awesome mom to your son, okay. I wish my parents had been like that. To answer your question, I would let him come to you. The whole process is a little easier when it's on your own terms. It's all about how he feels and what he's comfortable with and as long as he knows you support him, he will probably feel safer about talking to you about it. So, you could end up talking about it more if he wants to.
If you can, try to find any lgbt teen support groups in your area. That could help him out a lot, and it could help him get his feelings together enough to really talk about them.

 

first welcome to ec

this is my fav to give advise cuz i offer parents insite as to what your child may be going through

the first step is announcing your support and when he is ready encourage him to come out. do your best to stay strong for him but not to the point it will harm you. i hope this helps!

 

I'm probably just going to repeat what others have said, but I'll go ahead and post anyways.

First of all, the fact that he told you at all shows that he has extreme trust in you. That's awesome right from the off, since not many kids feel that up to telling their parents. I know I didn't want to tell my mom and dad when I figured things out. When my mom eventually did find out (which was my fault for visiting this site on her computer and forgetting to clear the history), it was extremely awkward because I wasn't ready to tell her yet. So the fact that he told you and is ready for you to know is a great thing in and of itself.

As for broaching the subject again, you don't have to directly say, "Have you thought anymore about your sexuality?" You can simply be supportive of LGBT+ rights things (like the SCOTUS decision) and make sure he knows it. Talking about LGBT+ issues and making sure you paint things in a positive light is a great way to show that support indirectly.

As someone who has a crush on a straight friend, I can say that it usually does get better. I'm out to my crush and he knows I like him, and I think I can honestly say that we've become better friends since I've told him. That may cheer your son up a little bit to know. When I first came out to him, I was terrified that he would ditch me and hate me because I liked guys (he was even sort of homophobic). But he didn't. When I told him I liked him, I was afraid that things would get awkward between us and that he would just sort of stop talking to me. But it didn't. And I can honestly say that the hug he gave me at graduation made me happier than almost anything else in high school. And he doesn't even know. But like I said; your son may feel better knowing that a crush doesn't mean it's over between friends.

I hope my story helps a little bit, and I hope that you do pass it on to your son and that it takes a little bit of the fear out of coming out. Best of luck to the both of you! Please keep us updated!

 

It's always pleasing for me to see a mom looking for help in these types of situations just because I relate a lot with this. Props to you!

I've come out to only my mom as gay recently and she is supportive for me as well. It sounds like you and your son are probably pretty close and he goes to you for comfort. I imagine he's getting used to the idea of talking about it, and may even be dealing with coming to terms enough to be comfortable with it. I don't talk about my sexuality because it's awkward for me, but I still want to talk about it so I can get it out there and don't know how to do that. It makes it easier for me when it's brought up. Use the news media as a foundation to talk briefly about it with your son and let him decide if he wants to continue that topic or leave it alone for the time being. It's advice solely based off of my preferences but maybe you'll find something in there. Good luck!