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siblings also gay?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Agerardii, Nov 24, 2008.

  1. Agerardii

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    I was just curious to know if anyone has siblings who are also gay and how that has affected your coming out process. My sister has been openly gay for a few years now and I feel like it makes things more difficult for me. She came out around the time when I was beginning to seriously question my own sexual orientation, but shortly after that I met my girlfriend of 4 years and just resigned to being straight. I've lived apart from my girlfriend for several months now and am questioning again (to be honest, I feel like I already know, I just don't know what to do now). Having a gay sister has made it harder for me because I've heard all the things that my parents really think about it rather than just what they'll say to her. She's also only a year older than me and we have always been really close so I'm worried that people will think I'm just following her (I hope that is at least an understandable irrational fear).
    Thanks for your support.
     
  2. musican

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    I don't think that either of my sisters are gay, but either of them could be.

    It's unfortunate that your parents would say things around you that they wouldnt say to your sister; that isn't fair to you or her.

    Since you're so close to her, why don't you talk to her about your confusion? she might be able to help you out.

    I understand the fear that people will think that you are just following your sister, because I know that my younger sister does follow me and it's hard to separate what is her just following and what is her on her own. I hope that with something as personal as this, people won't think that you are just following you sister, but there might be some idiots who will think that.
     
  3. Lexington

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    My brother and sister are both straight. That said, my sister did experiment with women while in college, and she said she enjoyed it quite a bit. However, she feels she's "straight with a little bi mixed in", and is totally happy to be married now. My brother, on the other hand, seems to have gotten all the "gay stereotypes" that I didn't get - he's neat, loves clothes, loves disco. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. LoveIsBlind

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    I have one sibling, a younger brother, and he's straight.

    I suppose the only way that affected my coming out process was deciding when to tell him after I told my parents. In the end my mum, dad and me all sat down with him to tell him and assure him that I'm still his big brother and all that. It was a big shock to him at first but over time he got used to the idea and now we're probably closer than we were before. Oh and to his credit he never uses the word "gay" or "fag" as an insult anymore :slight_smile:
     
  5. Agerardii

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    When my sister came out we never really talked about it as a family. She had lived with a couple different "roommates" and no one was surprised at all. It's hard to tell when my parents are talking about her being gay or just talking about her partners. The two serious relationships she's been in have been with horrible people in general - gay, straight, or other. So it's tough because when ever they complain about her partners specifically I tend to agree with them, but I always try to stand up them whenever something about being gay in general comes up. They're both convinced that she's not gay and is just 'going through a phase.' They sometimes say some really hurtful things unintentionally, like, "what did we do wrong?" or "we didn't raise you guys that way." If I told them that I thought I was gay too I know they would be completely surprised. My older brother is terribly homophobic, but accepts our sister because she's our sister.
     
  6. gutsrie

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    My little brother is also gay but not out to my parents yet though all of my other brother and sisters know. My mom is disappointed in me being gay already and says funny stuff like, "It must be American culture that's turned you gay because where I'm from, no one was gay". ...Sure, Mom.

    Seeing as to how my little brother doesn't live at home, and my mom and him are not on speaking terms, I really don't see him telling her anytime soon.
     
  7. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    I don't have any gay siblings, but after reading your comments I think I can see how that would be really hurtful, to hear your parents' real views like that. Have you come out to your sister? Maybe she could help you sort things out, rather than coming out yet to your parents who, like you say, might not take it the best in the world yet.
     
  8. I don't (so far as I know) but my mum is a lesbian and she has one gay sister and one straight (both younger), and her partner, my other mum, has a gay older brother.

    Plus tons of cousins. I suppose it runs in my family.
     
  9. littledinosaurs

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    My sister is straight and actually hates women (haha).
    But i'm like 90% sure my cousin is Bi and just won't come out.
     
  10. Wander

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    I only have one sibling, a younger sister who's probably too young to be certain of her own sexuality anyway. She's made some comments about certain boys that she likes, and she's made some "she's pretty" remarks at pictures of women in various places. I don't really know at this point.
     
  11. Agerardii

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    I have not come out to my sister. We used to be really close, but now we're not at all and I'm still pissed at her for other things she's done. I'll get over it, but I'm still reserving the right to be pissed at her. Even if we were on good terms I don't think I would want to come out to her just yet. I talked to her about my sexuality a couple years ago and admitted that I was at least bi-curious. For whatever reason, she tried to out me to several of my friends. So that option is off the table for now at least.

    Thank you for all the responses, it nice to know that I'm not alone in all this.
     
  12. GlindaRose

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    Nope my sister is straight as a pencil...she's ok with gays though. :slight_smile: she sort of dragged me into coming out.
     
  13. Maddy

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    My sister's straight, but as supportive a straight girl as you'll ever find. She has heaps of gay friends, picked that I was gay even before I knew it, talks openly with me about girls, and isn't ashamed of saying that she'd turn for Jennifer Saunders.
     
  14. tomahto72

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    My auntie is gay and not once have my parents said anything derogatory about it, well apart from the way of chatting about gay people
    i.e. "Did you know so-and-so is getting married?"
    "Really I thought he batted for the other team"
    thats about it. But what makes my situation unbelievably odd is that I have a twin sister. now i recently came out to both of my sisters and they were 'proud' of me. Both of them are really supportive and have promised to take me shopping for new glasses (because I have no clue about fashion, quite the gay man I am!!) We even all decided we would take our boyfriends out to meet each other. And now I can actually talk to them about hot guys!!!!
     
  15. aaaaaa

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    I have two younger siblings-- my brother is about four years younger, and my sister is seven years younger.

    My brother is a homophobe all around, so I'm positive he's straight.

    My sister is really too young to understand any of it, but is a total tomboy (the same as I was at her age), so I'm less sure about how she'll turn out.
     
  16. Peter

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    As I understand it, it is rather unlikely for siblings to be both gay. Even though it is most likely genetic, it is not hereditary. So it is a game of statistics. My two brothers are straight as can be, one of them homophobe.
    Sorry that your sister has spoilt things for you. I don't know whether your parents would be over the shock and be more understanding the second time around, or whether it would be worse. You say that you are "still trying to figure out" if you are gay or not, don't make things worse by coming out while not sure. (*hug*)
     
  17. Nodnarb

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    I have one sister, two years younger than me. I hadn't been sure if she was straight, but I was after I came out to her and we talked a bit.
     
  18. whitefang

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    I have no gay siblings...
    But I have alot fanily that is... :slight_smile:
     
  19. Gumtree

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    I am the youngest of 6 siblings, my oldest brother is gay.

    It helped my coming out a lot, both my parents were completely fine with it and never spoke about it in deragory terms, yet still spoke freely and openly about it.

    Gave me a lot of confidence.
     
  20. whitefang

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    Thats good!!!
    I wish my dad was like that!