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17 year old lesbian, homophobe dad doesn't believe nor support me, need help

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Shaylamay01, May 15, 2015.

  1. Shaylamay01

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Branford, FL
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    My mom knows and supports me 100%, my dad on the other hand doesn't believe me and thinks I'm straight and being gay was just a phase Bc I haven't brought it up in a while Bc of the way he reacted when he first found out. My dad has custody of me, my mom tried to get custody of me but it was denied. :tears:
     
  2. itsmary

    Full Member

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    Hey, welcome to E.C!

    Don't worry babe. Things will get better with time. Try to talk to your dad & consider visiting a therapist, that may help you both!! And you're very lucky to have someone who supports you, talk about this with your mum and see what you two can do.

    But don't forget that if things don't work out with dad they're still a lot of people who will love you & support you, especially in this forum. You are not alone.
     
  3. biisme

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    Hi Shaylamay01,

    I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time with your dad. (*hug*)

    I know you said that your mom doesn't have custody, but is it possible that she could be there if you try to talk to him again? Also, I see that you are 17. Are you close to being 18? Would you be able to move in with your mom at that time?

    Your dad might benefit from using some of the resources at PFLAG - Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. You can use the link to find a chapter near you. They also have a FAQ page that has a lot of information on it.
     
  4. Aldrick

    Full Member

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    Shaylamay01 -

    I wish that I could tell you that things are somehow magically going to get better, but I can't predict the future. In a lot of cases, perhaps even most cases, parents come around. So, I'm just going to give you the hard and honest truth.

    It doesn't matter what your father believes. You know what is true, and you are well on your way toward becoming an independent woman. At this point, you should be in preparation for college, and once you are beyond your father's reach you are going to live your life free of his belief system. Eventually, one day, you are going to bring a girl back with you, introduce her as your girlfriend, and he's going to be forced to realize that this isn't a phase.

    What is important for you to understand, now and in the future, is that the feelings of other people are not your own. Not only are they not your own, they aren't your problem. You have no control over what other people feel, think, or believe. The only thing you have control over is your own feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. It's not easy to do, especially with a parent, but it's important to be able to let go of that sense of control. Give those feelings back to your father, because they are his--not yours--and just let it go.

    So, when you feel bad about this situation, you need to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why. This is your father's problem, not your problem. It's up to him to sort it out. If you feel one emotion, it shouldn't be grief or sadness, it should be anger that he's dumping his emotional baggage and hangups onto you. Just practice mentally giving all that back to him, and reminding yourself this isn't your problem.

    This is part of growing up. You are going to encounter lots of people in your life--family, friends, lovers, hell even strangers--who are going to try and dump their problems into your lap. They are going to have all sorts of emotional issues and hang ups. You are going to encounter negative people who are like emotional leeches. You need to cultivate some inner strength within yourself, a line that you aren't going to let anyone cross, and just be prepared to say, "No. This is not my problem. You need to go solve that issue you have somewhere else."

    If you fail to do this, you are going to encounter people throughout your life who are going to use you and waste your time. You may be seventeen years old, but let me tell you--life is finite and short. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and it could all be over. Time is the only thing you have that is of value, and you don't want to spend it trying to figure out someone else's issues for them.

    This is your father's problem. Give it back to him. Then focus on yourself and your future. Where are you going, what do you want to do with your life, and how are you going to get there? Those are the questions that you need to be asking yourself.