Don't know where to start...

Well, talking to him could be risky. You have infringed on his privacy, and he will probably not react well. You could make up a cover story, but lying never ends well. So, think. Is it worth asking him and running the risk of him being annoyed? If you do want to ask him about it, try to be sensitive. Don't mention how you want the best for him - say you love him and always will. It's really annoying for me when people say "I am accepting, but...". That's not a good way of saying it.

 

As Hazel says, he'll probably be annoyed with you when you talk to him but talking to him is the best thing to do. You've looked at his texts before, so it shouldn't be a surprise if you tell him you did it again, but I wouldn't go about it that way.
Do what my mum did; sit him down and ask him, as a loving and concerned parent, if he is gay. You don't need to make anything up or lie, just be his mother.
Regarding sport, I don't think it's any kind of indicator of being different in any meaningful way, though I know how the US lies an unusual amount of significance in sports performance. It's a cultural thing, I guess! And talking about 'boy things' these days raises eyebrows – don't forget that masculinity isn't the same as being male.
Of course, it's your decision on what to do ultimately so you don't have to even consider my post if it doesn't help.
I will finish with this: you have a great attitude towards your son and his sexuality.

Keep up the good work and good luck in whatever you choose to do,
Connor

 

Honestly, I think you should wait for him to come to you. You sound like a really great parent and very accepting - that is the best thing you can do. Just make it clear that he can come to you about anything. Also, you may want to comment (positively) on some LGBT-related news stories, articles, etc., if you're comfortable. It sounds like you (and your family) are generally accepting of the LGBT community, and from the kid's perspective, that's the best thing in the world.

Keep up the great work, and good luck!

 

You have two choices, you ask him directly if he's gay or you wait for him to tell you that. If I were you I'd go with the second choice, you already know the truth and there's no immediate danger from anyone else, so there is no need to be so direct. In his own time, when he feels ready, he will tell you that in person.

On the other hand, if things get out of hand with his peers it might make sense for you to sit down and have a serious conversation with him even if he's not ready. He's still a teenager and negative experiences with his peers can leave long lasting emotional damage. If that scenario plays out it's always better to have someone who can support you and know what you're going through.

Anyway, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Right now, he is fine and that's what matters.

 

I tend to agree that you shouldn't mention the text messages. Far from opening up about the issue, your Son might go in the opposite direction, react badly and withdraw into himself.

It doesn't matter how good a parent/child relationship is, the coming out process is always difficult and fraught with anxiety. Every child is aware of societal attitudes towards same sex relationships and even though things are getting better, it doesn't lessen the worries or concerns.

Your story is similar to another parents, in this thread:http://emptyclosets.com/forum/parents-family-members-lgbt-people/158665-ok-now-what-whats-next.html

You might also find it useful to read some of the information on coming out here: Empty Closets - Coming Out

 

have the older gay aunt take him out for a day somewhere and see if she can get it out of him, then she can put him at ease enough for him to feel comfortable talking to you about it.
if you accept and keep it positive, its only uphill for him from there.

 

I think maybe you could slowly dropping hints like "I'll always love you no matter what" you know um maybe talk about gay rights or something. Whatever you do don't directly ask him "are you gay?" That's probably the worst thing you can do. Maybe show him EC or randomly leave it on his computer or phone. Idk. I think that you're a really great mom though for saying you'll always love him no matter what.

 

First off, props for reaching out to get advice. You sound like a great mom.

I would avoid asking him directly, and even dropping hints could make him uncomfortable and and make him feel awkward about telling you. If something gay themed comes up organically, you could show your support for gay people. That would suggest to him that he has nothing to worry about when he does decide to tell you. This brings me to my main point, he should be able to tell you on his own terms, when he is absolutely ready. So as much as it may hurt to bite your tongue, its probably for the better. Also, keep in mind that just because he hasn't told you doesn't mean he doesn't think you are the best mom in the world. Its just something he has to come to terms with himself first.

 

Please, please please wait for him to come to you! My mom didn't do that and now I'm making preparations to possibly move out this summer.

 

I'll echo Alex1170's last point. Just because he is keeping this from you by not telling you officially (let's face it, you already know anyways), it has nothing to do with you being a bad mom, or having a distant relationship, or that he doesn't feel he can trust you. Quite frankly, you sound like a very concerned and loving mother. But, know that coming out and coming to terms with being gay is a struggle and is completely different from person to person. He needs time to process his feelings and sort himself out emotionally. It's a big thing to come out of the closet and tell the world who you really are. It can take people months, years, or decades.

Even with the best of supporters and understanding people, one has to accept themselves completely before really beginning to start telling others, and that takes time. He's still learning about himself, and about what it means to be gay.

 

You could "accidentally" leave emptyclosets open on your family computer in case he wants to ask questions too.

 

Michigan can be an intimidating place for gay boys, so I think that the best mode of action would to NOT make the first move here. Although, one thing I'd like to point out is the fact that a lot of people don't want to come out to their parents because they don't know how their parents will react or feel about the situation. Perhaps saying something that would imply that you wouldn't react negatively can help prompt him to make the first move here.

 

Bear in mind that the mother-child relationship goes both ways. It might seem right to be a really concerned parent, and that the more worried you are, the better, but that might not be true. Your son probably has your feelings weighing down on his mind, on top of everything else.

Now that you've read his texts and you've hopped on EC for some advice, it means that you're extra prepared, so relax and wait for him to come to you.

 

Hey you are obviously a great mum for reaching out so that is awesome.

I agree you should wait for him to come to you but in the meantime as subtly as possible just try and make it known to him that he can tell you anything and you will still love him. If possible bring up something lgbt that's in the news like the yes vote for same sex marriage in Ireland and say how great it is that people voted that way and how you support it, that way he will see that you are likely to support him when he does come to you.

 

I wouldn't bring it up. This is his news to share when he is ready,not for you to decide when you want to hear it. This may sound kind of insensitive but when I was coming out for the first time,I didn't want my parents to be the first ones to know. As for reading his texts,I would be quite irritated if one of my parents came up to me and said "so I went through your texts and heard you talking to your friend about you being [whatever identity.]" I just think that it wouldn't sound good.
Believe me when he is ready he will come out! Just remember to let him do it as he sees fit and make sure that he knows that you love and support him no matter what!

 

do t bring it up he clearly didnt want you to know and was even to nervous to tell someone in person. you shouldnt have looked through his things either without his knowledge, and do not bring it up he needs to feel as though he has full control over the situation. i apologize if i was too harsh. if he absolutely needs help ask him what its about as though you do not know and if you can do any thing to help him he will tell you. also for the next few days dont put too much pressure on him going to school the next day, that will only make things more difficult. i hope this helps