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Intro - New Parent

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by TexasDad, Jun 7, 2015.

  1. TexasDad

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    Just joining to get information on how I can best support my son. He has been raised in a home that is totally open to all forms of sexuality, and secure in the knowledge that we will love and support him and his sisters whether they are straight, gay, or any gradient in between.

    He woke me up a couple of nights ago to tell me that he has a boyfriend.

    Honestly, it came as a bit of a shock. He's 19, and has been pretty shy most of his life. A high school and college athlete, and very academic, he never really showed a lot of interest in romance with either boys or girls. He's got a number of friend groups, and they all hang out together, but there was never a girlfriend or boyfriend.

    I told him I love him, and I'm happy he has found someone he feels connected to. But what else should I be doing?

    Cheers

    David
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    Hey TexasDad,

    Welcome to EC! First of all, it is great to hear that you are such an amazing dad, supporting your son.

    Believe me, you have already done a huge thing supporting him.

    You don't need to pressure him too much, especially if he is still starting to come out, but, if you haven't done it yet, make it clear that you support him and that you will be there for him if he needs anything.

    If you want, you can show him this forum/website too.

    Also, if you are curious, you may take a look at the Resources page. There are lots of useful information regarding different things there: Empty Closets - Resources

    Finally, we are here if you need anything, and i'm pretty sure everyone would be happy to help you. Feel free to join the community in any other topics you like.

    Hugs (*hug*)
     
  3. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I think you've done everything right as it is. You've shown him your support for his relationship, and he'll definitely be thankful for it :slight_smile:
     
  4. greatwhale

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    Hey TexasDad, welcome to EC!

    I have a son who just turned 19 today (just had to mention). It is in the nature of 19 year olds to be working very hard at figuring out what they want to do with their lives. By this age, they have started coming to certain conclusions (I know, it seems they were just born yesterday!)

    Your acceptance and what you told him are perfect, they are exactly what he needed. You may feel awkward when he introduces his boyfriend to you (I know, his boyfriend will sound weird for a while) but your son seems to have a decent attitude toward life and responsibility, I am sure he met someone you are going to like.

    Just look forward to sharing this voyage of discovery, and be grateful that he would be willing to share that with you.
     
  5. burg

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    ''He has been raised in a home that is totally open to all forms of sexuality,'' thats the most important thing you can do.
    it might be a shock at first thats pretty normal, but him telling you at 19 is a good indication you are a good parent. go to bed on that thought.and just be there for him.
     
  6. TexasDad

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    First, thank you all for the welcome. I think I know what he needs in the way of support, but I appreciate knowing that I have a place to find answers, too.

    GreatWhale, he brought "C" in to meet the family yesterday. Typical 19 year-old, he strolls into the living room on the way out and says, "Hey, we're going to dinner with a couple of friends. C is coming in to meet you". No time to work on a first impression. Thanks kid..... I'll suggest a little more warning next time.

    The boyfriend seems like a perfectly nice young man.

    I really think my awkwardness is multiplied by the fact that he's not only come out, but that this is the first relationship, too. Lots of things to deal with at once. I'm just trying to stay calm, without seeming "odd".
     
  7. Schloss

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    Someone should make you the mayor of Texas. :grin:
     
  8. mangotree

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    You're doing great. Don't worry.
    It's always a little bit awkward when meeting a family members new (or first) boyfriend/girlfriend for the first time.
     
  9. greatwhale

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    Oh my God, he sounds just like mine (except for the gay part)! Completely oblivious to the social niceties I grew up with....you must have been doing mental somersaults when you met C...quite a lot of adjustment (one serious understatement!).

    Just smile and nod...smile and nod...

    A (true) story:

    David Furnish, the Canadian husband of Elton John, announced all at once to his family that he was gay and that he was dating Elton John...Furnish described this as having the same impact as an Exocet missile. You are not alone! :grin:
     
  10. resu

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    You are a great dad, and there are many members here (including me) who would have been much more comfortable with our sexualities if we knew our parents were so tolerant. I think the main thing is to continue doing what you have been doing, treating your son and his orientation as a valid path to a happy life. Maybe you can also attend a local PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) group to get some more advice.
     
  11. Foz

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    You're doing everything right for your son and that's awesome to see :slight_smile:

    Unfortunately I can't comment on his lack of communication as I'm the exact same :lol: My usual response to "where are you going, when are you back?" is "out and later" :lol:


    I couldn't resist :grin:

    [​IMG]
     
  12. Spartan 117

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    Hi TexasDad,

    I'm Glenn, and I'm one of the moderators here at EmptyClosets. Unfortunately, we occasionally get horror stories here about "Coming Out"s gone wrong, but this is not one of them. You sound like you're doing an excellent job. As the others have said, the fact your teenage son felt able to be open and honest with you about this is a great credit to the way you've brought him up. The fact that you care enough to sign up to our website and ask if there's anything you should be doing makes me think you are doing just fine.

    To put it in perspective, I came out to my parents at a similar age to your son. Just like him, I had been dating someone that I no longer wanted to keep secret - he was simply too important to me to keep hidden. My mum cried, said she didn't understand my "decision", said that she mourned the loss of the grandchildren she'd never have, and implied that I'd signed my life away when god's judgement day rolls around. That was a lot for a teenager to take on, and unfortunately my story isn't uncommon! You have spared your son a terrible experience like that - and he's more likely to go and live a happy, successful life now that he knows that he's loved and supported by you.

    As for the "being cool with your new boyfriend thing", I'm not a parent but I can imagine that would be awkward for anyone! I imagine it's awkward when any kid bring their first partner home - but you've got the added bonus in that you're still reeling from the first bombshell. I do wonder if it's your son's "subtle" way of introducing the two of you. If I was to hazard a guess, I'd say he's probably wanted that for a while, and couldn't wait any longer for you two to meet. Which is a nice thought, even if the shock of it did almost push you into an early grave.