Mom of 11-year-old boy who thinks he is probably gay

1) I'm sure other people will have lots of compliments for you on here (supportive parents are a big relief for many gay people!).
2) You don't really need to do anything further necessarily but carry on being supportive. You said you're a very open family at home so that's good - even with lots of friends, one negative comment can knock you down and it's good to talk to parents about this.
3) personally, I don't think he's going to change his sexuality - I never really had a big revelation, I just knew I was gay (now that I think about it I was 11 when I consciously noted that I was gay!). He might because anything can happen, but I think it's unlikely.
4) he and you should be glad he didn't need some nervous coming out moment. If I could go back and casually come out like that, I would.

Well done! Keep up the good work!
Connor

 

Thanks for being supportive~! (*hug*) I was questioning my orientation at that age too, though I wasn't exactly ready to come out about it. I think that shows your son is comfortable with talking to you. ^.^

Might be best to give him a little space, as it seems he is still questioning, and people tend to prefer figuring their orientations out by themselves. But you're doing great! Just keep on being supportive!

 

Just a quick "Thank you" for being such an awesome parent.
Just be close to him and that will surely do

 

Well I realized I was gay at 11 but didn't come out till 14 but that's cool your son came out to you now. Anyways you and your husband are great parents!

 

Thank you so much for being an epic mum! It does seem to me that he really doesn't know what 'gay' is, he'll know in theory but not in practicality so it may be worth just asking him why he thinks he might be gay and what it means to him. He's probably in the earliest stages of puberty just now and it's about now boys tend to start getting more serious crushes, so perhaps his hesitance you described is just the fact he's having his first crushes and they're not quite what he expected.

It's still possible he may be bisexual, but the fact he thinks he is gay points to the fact he is questioning at least. One of the hardest parts of the whole coming out process is learning 'what it all means' and if you have a parent to help you then that makes it much less stressful, so just ask him the questions I mentioned earlier and encourage him to do some online reading also. At 11 he's too young to join forums, but he can still read them, so if he types in "I think I'm gay" or something like that into google he will come across hundreds of stories which he will be able to relate to and ultimately learn what he needs to

 

My comment might be a little controversial. Some members might not fully agree with me on this

Because of his age or in the case he's just confused you might want to be more relativistic when it comes to sexuality in the sense that he doesn't have to pick up a label right now and "become it" in the future. Labels tend to create certain expectations, which hurt when we fail them. In the case that he is not one hundred percent attracted to guys, he might want to experiment with girls later, etc., having a label might prevent him from doing that (this is the controversial part). The important word is "might" because when the hormones strike in full force there is very little you can do.

Otherwise, I wish I had parents like you.

Cheers!

 

You both seem like awesome and supportive parents. Just your child knowing you support them is literally half of the battle right there. Some kids don't like talking about issues with their parents - I don't - it can be feel quite odd and embarrassing. But I still have a strong relationship with my parents. If that is the case for your son, just know it's not because he doesn't love you or think you respect/support him. People deal with things in different ways.

I would try and steer him to some LGBT media so he can try to understand himself better. There are websites and pamplets on what it means to be gay, some great movies and documentaries.

To get started I would recommend the documentary "Brainwash: Gay/Straight" - It's Norweigan but mostly in English. Some excellent information in that documentary, but there are several others such as the BBC's Growing Up Gay.

Not that you guys seem to be need it, but the movie Prayers for Bobby is incredibly movie. It's about the mother of teenage gay boy.

 

If he likes to read, you might also look up some books about being gay. I remember the website 'A Mighty Girl" had a list of glbt friendly books for pride month. (I realize he's a boy, but I don't think all the books were about lesbians.) Some of those might be appropriate.

Also, if you have puberty/sex Ed books around the house, look for ones that normalize being gay. I have the "It's not the Stork" series for my kids, and I've been really happy with the first two books. My kids are too young for the oldest kid one, but I imagine it just builds on the content of the younger kids books.

 

Good god I wish I had a mom like you. My mom is a prude and my dad is an overgrown frat boy who objectifies women, which is why I'm still trying to accept the fact that I'll never be out to them.

As for your son, just keep doing what you're doing. Love him no matter what, and a few years down the road, accept his boyfriend/fiancée/husband as a member of the family.

From the two years I've been on EC and reading the stories of parents confronted with the very situation you're in, it's become clear that what you do as a parent in the mere seconds after your child comes out will affect them for the rest of their life. You nailed it. (*hug*)

 

Hey I know it's been said many times on this thread but you are an amazing mum.

some of the others have helpfully pointed out things that you may be able to do to help him but on the whole there isn't so much you have to do. He is still figuring himself out, and at 11 there is no rush. I suppose the way I'd look at it is do what you would do if he was straight but with a gay twist. So if you would be buying him a book or giving him some information then do it but look for the ones mentioned above etc.

If you have any questions as parents please feel free to ask even if them seem silly we don't mind.

 

I do have some comments...

I'm very sure at eleven he may know. I knew at around that age, but I waited until I was fourteen to say anything to anyone.

It seems to me like you're being very supportive, and you're doing all the right things.

At that age group, kids can be... well, kids. High school will probably be a much better opportunity for him! There are things like GSA (Gay-Straight-Alliance), and there are just more people who seem to "get it".

I'm glad to read that you're providing a loving atmosphere. I'm sure that when he is comfortable with everything, including talking with you, he may be more open to discussing details.


Good luck.

 

I'm going to repeat what has been said above and say that you seem like an awesome mom, and your husband seems like a great guy as well.

It sounds like you've got a handle on things. From my personal experience, I would say that you should leave the ball mostly in his court with this issue. It's something that only he can figure out; trying to get him to make a "decision" (I use the air quotes because it's not really a decision, but I couldn't think of a better word in this situation) before he's ready may cause him to try things you might not want him to do (e.g. sexual experimentation). Like someone above said, he doesn't have to pick a label right now (or ever, for that matter), but the fact that he knows what gay is and that he is opening up to you about the fact that he is questioning is a good thing. I would say to give him his space while he tries to figure things out; I know that's what I want with my family. Too many people poking noses can cause someone to start shutting people out.

 

Kids are smarter and more perceptive than we give them credit for.

Keep supporting him and never stifle him. That was my parents biggest mistake they made with me. Children eventually make up their minds and live how they want to. Your support and unconditional love should never waver, and go on like nothing changed. Because nothing has changed. The fact he told you at 11 says he has trust in you. I knew I was trans when I was about his age, like... 20 years ago. It took me these 20 years to get to the same place I am with my parents as he is to with you.

 

Well I started to give serious thought to the fact that I might be gay at around that age, but I didn't come out to anyone until I turned fifteen last year so wow, you must be incredible parents for him to feel confident enough to come out to you both especially at such a young age :') I think it's rather incredible! Thank you for being so incredibly supportive of your son!
Best of luck!

 

Such amazing parents! I'm really happy to hear you guys support him.

He maybe gay, but his orientation may change. Continue to be supportive. I personally feel like you shouldn't/don't have to revist the "do you have any questions?" thing with him. Maybe occasionally, but not too often.

 

That couldn't be more accurate! I love reading stories like yours and the many others of supportive parents because I know my own parents won't be so accepting. Reading stories like this really gives me hope for our society even if it isn't as rosy for me personally. Keep up the AMAZING parenting skills! You and your husband are phenomenal people for taking this in stride