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Still more heartbreak

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by tgboymom, Jul 12, 2015.

  1. tgboymom

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    I guess I'm now persona non grata amongst some of my dearest friends... or formerly dearest friends. Several friends left messages of love and support, but the oldest and dearest friends have now decided to ignore me now that my child is a he and no longer a she

    What hurts the most is that these friends watched Jessi get baptized before she was Jake and they were so amazingly happy on this joyous occasion. As Jessi, they brought their son to her to be tutored academically. He was allowed to hang out and do fun things after his work was done, and these parents had nothing but praise for Jessi....... but absolutely NOTHING to say about Jake. There wasn't even an offer for prayer for our and Jake's peace and comfort through the medical transition.

    It hurt, but I had to delete them as well as a man I've known for 20 years who accused me of challenging all people (all I said was that my child is transgender and this is a chance for folks to delete me if they have an issue with the LGBT community). He said i should just let it lie and not tell anyone....as if i should be ashamed.

    Here's how ashamed I am.....I'll be making a call to Jake first thing in the morning to remind HIM to take his weekly injection! :thumbsup:
     
  2. Posthuman666

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    It really sucks that there are still people out there that are so close minded. Glad you pushing through it. :slight_smile:
     
  3. tgboymom

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    I wish it was just close mindedness. Jake is still the very same person as when he was Jessi. It's hateful.... and what's worse is that my close friends, whom I have shown support through difficult times in the past, aren't even considering that I can use some support through this. My child needs level headed parents to get through this and friends could have been helpful. :frowning2:
     
  4. Connorcode

    Connorcode Guest

    I guess the parent generation aren't as used to LGBT(etc) matters as younger people are.
    My uncle had the same problem: when my cousin came out, he was completely thrown and uncomfortable and nobody thought (or perhaps dared) to talk to him about it to help him. He's still uncomfortable with it all now.
    I hope someone does reach out to you; the entire EC community can't beat a single, personal friend's help.
     
  5. BiKate

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    That sucks, but at least you don't have fake friends anymore. Thank you for being so supportive of your child, he will appreciate you so much for the rest of his life. So many parents are awful about their children being trans, it's good to see somebody being there for them
     
  6. tgboymom

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    I just don't want to feel badly anymore. It took a long time to realize that this was going to happen, and when it struck me (while I was looking for a decent therapist), the emotional floodgates opened full force, and I found it difficult to get through each day. The more I got involved with aiding Jake in the transition, the better I felt.

    I still have concerns..good days, bad days, and I'd like to be able to share both. So far the only place I got ANY information, support and ideas about how to go about getting this transition started is here at EC. God bless you all for your kindness and generousity! (&&&)
     
  7. Feln

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    I'm really proud of You and your son. I wish all parents were as supportive as You are.
     
  8. cakepiecookie

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    I'm so sorry to hear that. I really wish society would just catch up already. You sound like an amazing parent, and I hope all goes well with your son's transition.
     
  9. Firepit5

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    Coming to this conversation late so I apologize if I have missed some information previously shared. Have you consulted a therapist for yourself? If you find the right one, it can be so helpful. My prayers are with you. People suck a lot of the time and hurtful things hurt. Hopefully you will get enough support from here and from understanding people in real life to get you through each day.
     
  10. tgboymom

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    I used to see a therapist and I brought up this situation and he basically told me that there would be no transition. He said it was a phase. He was wrong.

    Besides, it's more important to use all available resources to help Jake do what needs to be done. The bills have started rolling in from the tests and I know Jake wants ... wait, scratch that ... Jake NEEDS top surgery so that is going to be out of pocket as well. This certainly isn't the time to entertain anything other than medical necessities for us old folk. LOL.

    I could use a lude the size of a horse's butt, but alas, the 70s are long gone! LOL

    I'm sure as I pick up some restful nights, I will think more clearly. Tonight will not be one of them. It's 2:30am and I have to be up at 4 to make my husband's breakfast and pack his lunch so I'm doing an all nighter. I'll tell you now all my little babies, get your sleep while you can! :sleep:
     
  11. BradThePug

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    This is one of those times when you find out who your true friends and who your "fair weather friends" are. It's frustrating to know that your friends feel this way, and it is even more frustrating that you can not do anything about it. With time, they may come around, or they may not. That's something that only time will tell. At least now you know that you have friends that support you and your son.
     
  12. tgboymom

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    And I'm grateful for every bit of support. To those who sit in judgement I would like to remind that when I walked out of the hospital with my new baby girl, they didn't hand me an instruction manual. Take that unaware, scared, excited, hopeful and new mother dread and multiply it by let's say.. 4 million... and it doesn't touch the feeling of knowing that I had one shot at this and I blew it. I do not get to raise this child over again so my approach is much more guarded, questioning my every decision and still, there is no instruction manual.

    I rely on every experience others have had and try to absorb this information. I remain humbled and grateful. (&&&)
     
  13. tgboymom

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    Will wonders never cease!

    I used to be very tight with the girl and her husband who were the first to welcome Jake and me into First Christian about 15 years ago.

    She noticed that I deleted her from my facebook and wrote me a private message asking why. I told her I made a sweep of everyone that was posting badly or posting jokes about Caitlyn Jenner, or people who didn't acknowledge Jake coming out in any positive manner. I told her that this is a difficult time for Jake and I need to avoid any thoughts of suicidal ideation , and him seeing disparaging things on my page could trigger it. I want NO negativity around him until he is secure enough in who he is and can start developing secondary male characteristics. By then he'll have enough testosterone in him to tell people to go take a long walk off a short pier.

    You know what she replied?

    Please call me. I don't want to lose you or Jessi. Jake.. his name is jake!! He's the same child that got your son through algebra and helped bring him out of his shell....all without "turning" him (a little sarcasm was needed).

    I told her that if she is in mind with me to follow Jesus'' command to love one another, then we can be in harmony.

    She said yes and said she loves Jessi. I said great.... but can you love Jake just as much? I asked her to think about that and get back to me. I asked her to affirm these efforts with her husband. Her husband, Jake and I bonded over playing guitars together a million years ago. I think he'd be cool.

    I have developed a condition where 1/2 my face wants to slide off my head, partial face paralysis, so I can't speak with any clarity which is why I cannot call, but will continue to respond to messages. My brain is fine and my limbs work, so it's not a stroke. I can still throw down with the best of them if I had to, even at nearly 53. Haha. God is going to keep me here until Jake is secure (or I pay off the freezer and car repairs he just charged) lmao

    So there it is... one is possibly coming back... a good Christian woman too. God could have plans for her in all of this... maybe activism! (!)
     
  14. randomconnorcon

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    You are the coolest, most amazing person I have ever seen. I hope your friend comes back and sees Jake for the cool guy he is.
     
  15. mangotree

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    Be thankful to God that he gave Jake to you and not to one of your "friends".
    Hope all goes well with your First Christian friend and her husband.
     
  16. waternation

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    You sound like a wonderful mum (*hug*)
     
  17. tgboymom

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    Most people I know are loving parents. I feared for only one... my housekeepers son was just short of coming out, but his father kind of beat him back into the closet. I was explained that this is a black culture thing and isn't my business. I was like.... do you want me to explain how new jersey Italians take care of child abusers?

    I made sure the kid spent copious amount of time with me before he went off to college. Haha. We spent many a night trashing my kitchen working on his culinary talents.

    The difference... I have but one child. Of all the bad and all the mistakes, I want my child to sit back one day long after I'm gone and think. "wow, my mother really loved me". :kiss: (*hug*)
     
  18. j13

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    you sound like an amazing mother and human!!! you must love your son so much. I hope that when I choose to come out as gay that my mum will be just as awesome, loving, caring and supportive as you
     
  19. RelaxedDude97

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    I'm glad to see how supportive you are of your child :slight_smile:! If other people can't accept that your son is happier this way, screw them ... you don't need such people in your life anyway.