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10 yr old daughter has a crush on my friends daughter

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Christina33, Jul 24, 2015.

  1. Christina33

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    First of all we are a very open family. We support LGBT community and have always incorporated same sex relationships in our communications. Both my daughters (10 and 8) understand sex in a mechanical way. I have a two year old as well so they started asking questions early and I've always been very open and honest. Anyway I have mentioned girl crushes here and there (celebrities mostly) and they watch tv shows with same sex couples. So they understand attraction can go both ways and are very comfortable with it. Recently my oldest told me she only like girls. I told her that was fine and felt very pleased that she felt comfortable telling me this. I didn't make a big deal out of it. I honestly don't care and am so thankful that our society is making so much headway in accepting the LGBT community and their rights. This gives me peace that she or any of my children will not experience as much negativity as other generations have.

    To get to the point I have a friend. She's my best friend. Our kids have grown up together. She has a daughter the age of my youngest, 8. Tonight we went the gymnastics gym my friends daughter goes to for "open gym". Anyone can come and use the equipment for a few hours for fun. Well my oldest was nervous all day (she has anxiety btw) and I couldn't figure out what was going on with her. When we got there she didn't want to do it at first. Finally she goes out on the mat and does a flip and messed up I guess in front of my friends daughter. She came back to me and said she didn't want to do it anymore and wanted to leave. When we left she broke down. I thought it was because she felt inferior to her friend because she has been taking classes for years and is really good. (My girls took classes for a year but quit a couple years ago).

    So anyway she says she doesn't want to tell me what is really upsetting her. Finally after a while she tells me she has a crush on her friend. I was surprised. I had no idea. I guess she didn't either until recently. I don't have a problem with her having a crush. I just don't know how to handle the fact that we are all friends and spend so much time together. She doesn't want anyone to know and she told me that the girl once said "eww that's disgusting" when she showed her a girl crush she had on TV. So she's afraid of the girl knows she won't want to be friends with her. I'm sure this will pass as most crushes do at this age, but I feel so bad for her. I hate that she going through this. She is already such an emotional person.

    So I guess I'm just looking for advice on things to say to her to make it easier. All I could think to say was "its ok...perfectly normal....I had crushes on boys and girls and even my best friend when I was young...it will get easier" then she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore so I dropped it. I just want to do and say the right things. Her anxiety and depression issues scare me. I don't want anything to add to her negative feelings. I appreciate any advice. I did a Google search, but not much came up. TIA and sorry so long and drawn out. :slight_smile:
     
  2. lovely lesbian

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    First of all I think your a great mum supporting your daughter I don't have any advice I'm not a parent but just be there for her like your doing now.
     
  3. ChloeKiss

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    You're a great mother I'll add to that already obvious thing! And I am so sorry your daughter is hurting! I guess as a parent supporting your child doesn't always feel like enough in these situations. But sometimes it's the only thing you can do. You just gotta let the child heal.. If she gets worse then consider getting her a counsellor in lgbt?

    Sorry that's all the advice I got! xx
     
  4. Awesome

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    I think that the most important thing for you to emphasize is that there is nothing wrong with her. She sounds embarrassed.
     
  5. Miko

    Miko Guest

    I would tell her that her friend likely isn't as mature about the issue as she is due to you being so open about it with her.

    I'd also maybe talk to the girl she has a crush on's mother, mention it and say you don't think it's anything serious but you wanted to talk anyway. If she reacts badly you know to keep your kid away from her and her daughter even if she is a close friend, if she reacts positively maybe she could start teaching her daughter about LGBT subjects. Even if the girl turns out to be straight and not interested in a relationship with your daughter at least she would be better educated.

    The main thing to focus on is keeping your child in mind the whole time and doing everything you can to make the environment your child lives in more comfortable for her, including letting her know that she's brave, very mature for her age and that her sexuality is perfectly natural.

    You're a fantastic mother, I hope my suggestions have helped. ^-^
     
  6. Spartan 117

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    I think I'm going to move this thread over to our "For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People" subforum, where I it should get more views and some helpful replies! I know in the past we've had posts there from parents in a very similar situation. :slight_smile: