I am bisexual and I was watching big brother with my mom (I haven't watched it before that so I don't know there names) but the transgender woman was talking about coming out and stuff. My mom said "that's a boy."and my heart sank. I told her it wasn't s bunch of times and she kept rejecting it saying she was a boy in a dress. She eventually rolled her eyes and moved on... So I left, not even wanting to speak with her. She grew up in a none-religious yet homophobic household and had a hard time believing that I was bisexual... I came out to her about 3 years ago and she has supported me most of the time... The first few months were rough but she accepted me quicker than I thought she would. I haven't heard her make a comment like that in 2 years... Please help me before she starts making fun of me or yelling horrible things at me again. I know you might think I'm overreacting but that big brother incident was about a week ago... Since then she hasn't really treated me the same.
Hello That One Girl, First of all, I want to congratulate you on your courage. Even though you know your mom's views are challenging and painful, you are still trying to help educate her about the wide range of possibilites that we can be as human beings. I can hear your pain and panic through your post. I don't know how old you are, but regardless I want to make sure you feel safe. Fearing that your own mother will make fun of you or yell horrible things to you would not be condusive to feeling safe. I think that the best you can do is to be safe, ensure that you have resources, people, adults that you trust and can rely on in case you need to. Then gently but firmly remind your mother that you wish that she respect you as you are, and that you are hurt when she is dismissive about someone who is transgender, and that you take that personally. Let her know that you wish for her to stop voicing her negative comments about gender and sexuality. I hope you have a good, sold network of supports/friends who can be there for you through this. You are courageous and I hope it all works out between you and your mom. Staying true to yourself is key. Speak from the heart, speak with kindness and speak your truth all while staying safe.
I'm sorry you had such a negative experience with your mother in the past, and it looks like things are going to flare up again. (*hug*) As hurtful as this is there is not much you can do about it. You do not have the power to magically change the way other people think or feel. The only power that you have in these situations is how you let it influence you. Obviously, you want your mother to love and support you. You also want her to share your values. Unfortunately, right now at least, she is not capable of doing that. Likely, she is acting strangely because she may secretly be "fearful" that you are trans* since you gave such a strong defense of the individual on TV. She likely has very little understanding of our community, sexuality, or gender. This is true for most people, unfortunately. The best advice that I can give you is to focus on your own feelings. You know what is true and you know what is right. Nothing your mother can tell you will change that. She only has the power to hurt you with her words if you let her. Her verbal assaults against you are attempts to shape you into what she wants you to become: someone who shares her beliefs and values. She attacks you because she thinks this will force you to change, to bend, and to break. In truth, all she has is words and her words mean nothing. It is a bit like becoming upset that the wind is blowing outside your window. So what? The wind always blows. It means nothing. The wind only matters if you assume that it has some sort of intention or motive behind it, that it is seeking to hurt you. Think of your mothers words and her feelings like the wind. They don't matter. You cannot change them, but you can disregard them. You have the power to find strength within yourself, and this is more important than even your mother's acceptance. If you are able to cultivate and grow that inner strength, you can use it to overcome all sorts of adversity, and it will allow you to become the person you wish to be. If you are not financially independent from your mother, this should become your primary goal. This gives you more power and control over the relationship, and allows you to distance yourself from her if she is hostile toward you. It also allows you to set the terms for the relationship. You did not mention your age, if you are young, then your focus should be on completing high school and going off to college immediately afterward. This gives you the opportunity to be free from under her roof. Meanwhile, regardless of everything else, you need to build a supportive network of friends. This is one place in which you can draw strength. EC is useful as a support group, however if you can find supportive friends in your personal life it is even better. Find people who embrace you for who you are and value you for that reason. This will help you find strength when you start to waver. I hope this helps you. I am sorry you are having to go through this difficult situation. However, you are not alone. (*hug*)
