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what do I do about sleepovers?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by callixandre, Aug 5, 2015.

  1. callixandre

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    My fifteen yo girl just came out to us after months of hinting. Needless to say I'm still adjusting, changing my outlook. This is silly but my looming question is....what do I say to sleepovers? Some of her closest friends are gay/bi?
     
  2. Foz

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    It's understandable to have some concerns, I would say it is sensible to talk to her about it. Teenagers will try things, regardless of orientation so it's not a particular reason to be any more concerned than you otherwise would be.
     
  3. Leifa

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    Hi there! I just wanted to let you know that your post is being read and I don't think there's a "simple" answer to the question. Have you talked to her about the subject?
    You could come up with a set of special rules if you decide to allow them if you think it's needed. I think a simple and easy one could be to always keep the doors open.
     
  4. troubleshooter

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    I'll make it simple. What would you do if your daughter was straight and had male friends she wanted to sleep over? Have them have fun, the go to sleep in separate rooms. At least that's what I would do.
     
  5. KayJay

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    That's a tough one because there are so many factors at play.

    Abolishing sleep overs isn't the best, as she may feel it as a sort of punishment for coming out since before hand I am assuming sleep overs were fine. Though at the same time you want her to stay safe and not get up to things which any parent wouldn't want their children to at that age.

    I think it may be best to allow sleep overs still, as it is something many teenagers like to do. It is a great way to socialize in a safe environment. They are still in your house, so you can check on them if need be. To allay your fears perhaps you could only let her have sleep overs at your house so that you can sort of keep an eye on things. Talking to her about it may be a good idea as well, she may be willing to make some compromises with you, such as sleeping in different rooms like someone suggested above.

    There was actually a thread similar to this a few months ago: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/paren...e/179468-should-i-let-her-have-sleepover.html

    Perhaps while waiting for responses you can read it over to possibly get some insight into what has been suggested to another parent in a similar type of situation.
     
    #5 KayJay, Aug 5, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2015
  6. justin88

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    Teenagers will experiment refuardless of their sexuality. I agree with Leifa completely, you'll have to talk to her about it and put rules in place that you're comfortable with. I also agree that leaving the doors opened is a good safeguard.
     
  7. callixandre

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    Thank you evryone for the advice. We will talk to her as many have suggested and come up with ground rules together. This forum has been very helpful just reading the questions and seeing that I am not alone has helped me a great deal. We are adjusting to this individually, but moving on as family.
     
  8. CameronMR

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    I allowed sleep overs, same room even. I just made sure they knew to be safe should they do something. I was a 17 year old mom so remembering how I was, I just take the risk away by giving my son condoms and lube, then they can just have fun.
     
  9. Yosia

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    Let them have a sleepover. I understand that you may be worried about them doing something sexual, but if this is the case, then they're going to do it anyway so would you rather it be in your home or somewhere unknown and could be dangerous?
     
  10. Closet Shut

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    Hmm, I'm not a parent.. but I don't see it as any harm; are her gay/bi friends all female? are you also worried that something intimate may happen during their sleepover? it's normal to be concerned about that, if you are. But other than that I don't think there is too much to be worried about, could just be a normal sleepover that most kids have at that age:slight_smile: but If you're really concerned, maybe set some rules during the event. & it's normal in my opinion to still get used to it, it's like one poster somewhere wrote.. for some parents, you're so used to seeing your kid a certain way, that it's a brand new thing when they change, or reveal this truth to you.. it takes time, you don't have to feel rushed, but maybe just take your time with her, & try to understand her.. but nothing wrong if you have reservations about certain things.
     
  11. Oh Lilac

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    Definitely talk to her privately and let her know that while you want her to have fun, it should be PG behavior (or whatever you are comfortable with), and the doors should be open. It is a good time to talk about safe sex practices, too! Lol. It will take some time to get used to it all, so allow yourself to take it in steps as you need to when having these discussions.
     
  12. Colorful13

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    For everyone this is different, and this may be just because my mom is a hippie, but even after I came out to her as trans and pansexual I am still able to sleep over with my girl and guy friends. I am not interested in anyway in getting "sexual" or even affectionate as in making out with people so that does play a huge factor, but it boils down to do you trust her?

    This is so much more that her sexuality. I would spend the night at my girlfriend's house, and we would sleep together (in the living room, with other girls) but still together, but the most intimate thing we would do is she would cuddle up next to me.

    Trust is the most important thing, just have a conversation with her.
     
  13. Linus

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    I've been fighting my parents tooth and nail with this one. While I completely understand the reasoning, some of my friends are people I've known for years. I don't want that friendship to suddenly die just because of the "boy and girl can't be just friends" thing. (in this case not boy and girl... but you know what I mean.)

    I want all supporters to keep in mind, just because someone likes girls/guys/same gender... Does not mean they like ALL of that same gender. Everyone's probably had that one best friend who's (in hetero cases) the opposite sex. But you would never consider dating them, right? Like "ew, they're like my brother/sister/etc!" The same can go for people of different sexualities.
     
  14. TheAnon32

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    I recommend you buy the book "this is a book for parents of gay kids" by Dannielle Owens and Kristin Russo. It has a whole chapter on sleepovers and it is a really good book for you to read through. I bought it for my mom to help her understand and comes to terms with me being gay. She finds it very helpful because it presents a question and answers it from the point of view of the author and also sometimes an lgbt child. It also has a few personal stories of other lgbt children that give some incite into how your child feels and what she may have gone through.