My son has told me he isn't really into girls and thinks he may be gay. I just thought he was a late bloomer so this information wasn't expected and to be honest I was really shocked and upset for a couple of days. I have only worked alongside a gay man who was absolutely lovely but his partner (bizarrely) worked hard to reinforce many of the negative stereotypes associated with a gay lifestyle. I've started to educate myself and realise it's not a choice my son has made and he has told me that he has suspected that he might be gay for 7 years. My son is a truly wonderful person and I love him to the moon and back but my overriding concern is the prevalence of HIV. According to the National Aids Trust 1 in 8 gay men in London are HIV positive, 1 in 26 outside of London and 1 in 17 nationally. For any loving parent those are bloody scary statistics. How do I reconcile myself to these? Help!
I think how you might reconcile that is by making him aware of those facts and enforcing the 'safety' message. A lot of that depends on his age and how far down the sexual road he is. Being supportive is the best thing you can do and perhaps screening the boyfriends. Like any parent, making sure they are a good loving partner and all other good qualities. ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2015 at 11:56 PM ---------- In essence, protecting him by equiping him with knowledge and equiping yourself with parental guidance
Be supportive and love him. Like any teen, he should be taught about safe sex, and the dire importance of it for gay men. If you think he might at some time be sexually active, buy him a big pack of condoms. I will admit those are very scary stats, but that also means 7/8 of gay men in your area also HIV positive. He just needs to be careful and maybe see if you can get a doctor to talk to him as well. But you have to keep in mind he might be bothered by you trying to lecture him on this! Joining a PFLAG group might help calm your fears as well.
Hi and welcome to ec In my own opinion,all you can do is to be there for him and be supportive.By all means let him know of your concerns about HIV and any other sti he needs to know about. I totally understand your concerns but really this is not about being gay as HIV and any other STI can be caught in a straight relationship in just the same way.This is more about safe sex education,which again is just as important in both straight and gay relationships. You don't mention your sons age,but if he is struggling with any aspect of this realization that he may be gay it may well be worth showing him this site as we are a very safe,secure site full of genuine people offering the best advice we can.
Hello there, I'm not a parent.. but I imagine that, it is a serious concern for you; I don't know how old your son is, but I would encourage that you teach him about safety during sex, & maybe encourage him not to be sexually active till it's appropriate, or till he's found the right person, too many young people these days getting involved in sex. But all I can say is encourage him to use protection when the time comes, maybe meet the person he's in a serious relationship with, remind him to consider the person's sexual history etc & to ask, & just to get tested as precaution, I can't say I know everything about this stuff, but I think that's best way to go.
Hello, welcome to EC. It is great that you are seeking more information about this. Knowledge is power! Sexual safety is important for anyone: Gay people, straight people, bisexual people, men, women, non-cis genders... If a person is gay, that doesn't mean that person will get HIV. There is a common association between AIDS and the LGBT community, mostly because of prejudices, but, although it can affect us, it affects straight people too. Like i said, everyone needs to be careful and take the precautions to avoid diseases like that. Tell your son about safety measures, like using condoms (always) and getting tested regularly. If he has a boyfriend/partner, it is important that both get tested regularly. Also, you may want to read some of our resources, and if you want, forward the information to him: Empty Closets - HIV and AIDS Part 1 Empty Closets - Gay Safe Sex Empty Closets - STDs We are here if you or your son needs anything. Hugs (*hug*)
Perhaps these videos can help you better grasp the HIV epidemics around the world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qRtDnsnSwk https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_pisani_sex_drugs_and_hiv_let_s_get_rational_1 https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_oster_flips_our_thinking_on_aids_in_africa The fact is that gay men are indeed much more likely to catch HIV during their lifetime, but HIV is not a new phenomenon. We have been studying this disease for several decades, and by now we know a lot more about how it's transmitted to healthy individuals. As mentioned in the first video, some countries have very low infection rates compared to other countries, while in many places HIV infections have skyrocketed. Knowing the reasons behind the numbers is not just a matter of an academic discussion, it can help everyone to protect themselves form getting infected. TL;DR. One thing that comes up in all the videos are stable relationships and condom use. Teaching him about those things will save him from ending up on HRT for the rest of his life.
Thanks for posting about this and thank you too for reading up and educating yourself about what it means to be gay. Many parents cling to stereotypes and react in the heat of the moment without care or consideration. It sounds like you have made a genuine effort to support and understand, despite the initial shock and you are to be congratulated for that. You are not wrong to be concerned about HIV and Aids and I will not dispute the figures from the National Aids Trust, because it is a reliable source, but I would offer a few other figures to help put things in perspective. The population of the United Kingdom is in the region of 65 million and in 2012 an estimated 98,400 people were living with HIV. Out of that figure, 53,000 had contracted HIV through heterosexual intercourse. So, whilst I'm not dismissive, it's important to look at the bigger picture. There is some very specific information for parents in our resources area. See here: Empty Closets - Coming Out and I would also encourage you to check out the FFLAG and Stonewall website too.
